THE FIRST MEETING OF THE NEW FRENCH, GERMAN, BELGIUM MILITARY ALLIANCE TOOK PLACE TODAY. THEY AGREED ON THE FOLLOWING:

1. The stealth Citroen was approved on a voice vote.

2. The construction of an aircraft carrier with a draft shallow enough to allow it to cruise up and down the Rhine River was approved. (Plans to berth it in Switzerland were tabled)

3. Unanimously agreed that Jews could only serve as cooks, janitors, and atomic scientists

4. War against America was tabled. It was suggested that the New Alliance find some Arab stooge to attack in their place. No Arab state responded to repeated phone calls.

5. It was determined that all ammunition must conform to EU standards. Every piece of ammo must be calibrated in millimeters and not caliber; all ammo must be clearly labled and bar coded; the color of the cartridge must differ from the bullet sufficiently to be recognizable so that new recruits would be less likely load them into their guns backwards; the cartridge must contain the word "cartridge" in three languages to include French and German; the bullet must be clearly marked with arrows indicating the direction the bullet will go when leaving the casing. In addition all firearms must be registered and the tax paid on each. Any soldier found with an unregistered weapon will face courts martial.

6. The money for the Military will come from a tax on ideas. Anyone with an idea must register with the Ministry of Ideas and that person will be issued a permit after paying a tax. A person with a Really New Idea will have to appear before a magistrate who will determine the tax. The magistrate will then refer the person to the Ministry of Ideas for a special permit. Ideas can only be expressed during the hours of 0800 and 1800 Brussels time. Violation of the time constraints will result in a fine not to exceed the tax. People having Dangerous Ideas, herein defined as challenging the authorities, advocating any U.S. Constitutional ideas, or any ideas than might upset anyone in a minority status (definition of minority to be published in book form after a meeting of the EU Parliament) will be required to: (a) register the Dangerous Idea(s) with the Ministry of Anti- Terrorism; (b) the persons will then be able to express these ideas only between the hours of 0100 and 0130 each weekday morning in the gardens of the Castle Chateau de Seneffe. Should taxes on ideas be insufficient to fund the military, fees for Writing Things Down will be enacted.

And finally it was agreed that killing people will not be permitted unless the person killed had failed to pay the "Idea Tax", the "Weapons Fees" or was an American. Or looked Jewish.

The World Awaits.