IRAQI "CARD DECK" OFFERED BRIBES TO SURRENDER
It has been revealed that Baath Party leaders only surrender after making "a deal". News of the inducements have led reporters on a merry chase trying to find out what they are. WE have found the list of "reasons" being offered to the at large Iraqi elite and publish them below.

REASONS TO SURRENDER TO THE AMERICANS

War Crimes Trials to he held in Berkeley.

All allegations of torture, rape, murder, and genocide to be reduced to a misdemeanor

All atomic bombs found in your homes will be inspected by Hans Blix

Your own weekly TV News show on CNN

Become a Human Shield in Tahiti

Two tickets to a Dixie Chicks concert

Membership in the Screen Actors Guild

Opportunity to join the Kerry Campaign for regime change.

Letters of apology and sympathy from: Dustin Hoffman, Martin Sheen, George Clooney, Jessica Lange and more than one hundred former anti-war celebrities now living in Damascus. Available immediately upon surrender.
Link to exclusive peek at Hilary Clinton's New Book