CFAP (Chickenshit Film Artists for Peace) will hold their televised awards ceremony Sunday night. Many of these faint-hearted terrorist sympathizers and French Army draft dodgers will arrive in armored limos driven by drivers who have passed a hated FBI screening. The gutless wonders will be protected by the National Guard they debase with every pro-Saddam regurgitation, and guarded by the LAPD who should be out fighting crime but instead have to protect these preening whining icons of the Blue States from terrorists. The winners promise to heap abuse upon the Bush Administration and this country's war against Iraq.

Return the favor. Don't watch. Don't buy the sponsor's products. Don't go to their movies. Instead injoy a Real Man's Hamburger and enjoy the evening.

MY RUNDOWN ACADEMY AWARD MOVIE NOMINEE RUNDOWNS

Movie tickets for two, $20; popcorn cokes etc., $15, parking $3, baby sitter $20. Is this picture worth $58? If you are single with a date it will be $38.

So the Big Questions are: Do I sneak in? Do I wait for it to go to video? Do I steal the video when it comes out. Do I just stay home and get loaded?

THE PIANIST: Looking for a movie with a surprise ending? Something different? This ain't it. Another WWII movie where the Germans lose. You wanna fork over the big bucks see the Germans lose? It's your call. There are no movies on the docket about Green Nazis, Jews beating up Frenchmen, or Americans being decent.

Worth a $3 rental at Blockbuster.

GANGS OF NEW YORK: World Federation Wrestling meets Martin Scorcese. Nothing but fake blood, fake torture, fake rapes, and fake sets. And all set a in Politically Correct story. The bad guys don't want immigration and the Hollywood Left loves total violence against people who don't want immigration. Figure this, at $58 you're getting a bargain at around five cents per grotesque violent occurrence. If you have a babe who's into this let us all know.

Sneak in for Daniel Day Lewis

CHICAGO: The Bob Fosse musical directed by a guy who didn't want it to look like a Bob Fosse musical. It doesn't. Digitally corrected singing by digitally enhanced actresses who look gorgeous. Only truth in the whole hour and a half is Richard Gere who can't dance or sing, thank God. All the Hollywood Lefties love this movie because it's about nothing. And they sing and dance about it. While Dictators torture thousands and throw tens of thousands more into prisons. Hooray for Hollywood. If you pay to get into this thing reflect on the three to five people who will have their tongues ripped out in Iran, Iraq, or Syria while you sit there.

Sneak in.

LORD OF THE RINGS: What's it about? Who's in it? Who directed it? Who knows? Directed by a computer animation company, cast by computer nerds, and aimed at an audience who grew up on this stuff.

Stay home and get loaded

THE HOURS: Could be called "The Months". Another movie that in bygone years would have been a play. This intensely "arty" story has been made into a movie where actors talk.
And talk.
And talk.
And talk.
If actors talk it means they will get nominated for talking great. So this a movie that doesn't move. It talks. The artsy fartsy crowd say this is great acting. So far nobody is paying for this thing except the stock holders. Don't get caught sneaking in to this one.

Steal the video.