KERRY FOR PRESIDENT RADIO/TV SPOTS

CUT TO: CLOSE UP YOUNG MAN:

"John, we want to make it.".

CUT TO NEW YOUNG MAN FACE:

"John, we want opportunity too."

CUT TO ANOTHER YOUNG MAN FACE:

"We want what you had"

CUT TO CLOSE UP OF JOHN KERRY OVER A BACKGROUND OF YOUNG MEN STARING ADORINGLY AT HIM. John Kerry's strong masculine voice now dominates. We still hear God Bless America softly in the BG

I hear you, America. I hear you. When you elect me for your leader, I will supply every young man in this country with the same opportunities I had while growing up. For this reason when I take office, the very first thing I will do is to propose to Congress "The National Right to an Heiress Act". Every young man who wants an heiress so he can start life as I did will be entitled to one. Now some people say this will just encourage bigamy and murder. You know what I say to that? I respond in the same way I did when I was in Vietnam and faced death. I say, ha. Ha. Ha. I will also enact by executive order "The Endangered Heiress" act which will have a minimum sentence of 75 years for any man who so much as threatens an heiress with a tax audit. I hope you young men will entrust me with your vote this November. Remember you deserve a rich snotty sexless woman as much as I do.

AS WE FADE TO RED WHITE AND BLUE the strains of"God Bless America" rises.

AD #2

WIDE ANGLE. CROWD FIGHTING.

As the VOICE of JOHN KERRY is heard the fighting stops. All look up.

KERRY: Let's end the madness.......

LETTERING OVER: "End the Madness"

DISSOLVE INTO JOHN KERRY AS HE SPEAKS IN HIS DEEP MASCULINE VOICE

When I was in Vietnam watching a few of my comrades murder civilians, rape nuns, burn down entire villages, and smoke some of the best shit on the planet I decided right then and there that war wasn't my schtick. Peace was my met-tee-ay. Peace. We have overreacted to the terrorist incident on 9/11. Look at it this way: What is the big deal about thirty five hundred mostly naturalized citizens who would have died had they stayed in their own country anyway giving up their lives. When I am president I will immediately go to Iraq and tell those towel heads to basically, as we used to say at Yale, "screw". With the money we save we can build 7500 ghettos for 40 million people, 1,000 charity hospitals, and provide every murderer with 24 hour a day psychiatric care. I hope you will give me your vote this November. End the Madness.

"AMERICA THE BEAUTIFUL" MUSIC RISES AS CROWD CHEERS WILDLY. FADE OUT.