NEW YORK TIMES ANNOUNCES REPLACEMENT FOR JAYSON BLAIR

He is Terrance Franklyn Harris, 23 of New York City. He is a graduate of the prestigious Louis Farrakahn Institute (LFI) in Havana, Cuba. Before attending LFI Mr. Harris served four years of a life sentence for a series of alleged criminal assaults; which included murder, rape, and shoplifting. He was pardoned by President Clinton at the behest of the warden who was concerned about the physical well being of the other prisoners who constantly found themselves the focal point of the six foot eight inch 300 pound Harris's anger. President Clinton pardoned him on the condition he leave the country. Publisher Arthur Sulzberger and editor Howell Raines selected Mr. Harris after reviewing all 25,000 applications for Mr. Blair's position and found only 100 suitably black candidates. Of the 100, while it was a tough call, only Mr. Harris showed an ability to read and write. While in Cuba Mr. Harris was a reporter for the Sheraton Hotel Observer, a paper devoted to explaining the tourist attractions available to tourists as well as colorfully detailing the penalties for going anywhere else.

He wrote a major piece for Trabajo el Cabellero (Worker Friends) exposing the evils of capitalism in parts of Havana which resulted in the cleanup of the criminal activity, the eradication of taco stands, and the jailing of hundreds illegal shoe shine boys. He also was instrumental in liberalizing some of the Information Retrieval Centers so that people who wanted to talk about their relative's anti-government activities could do so without electrical or bone adjusting encouragement. He was awarded the prestigious Iron Partegas (named after the famous Cuban cigar) for his reporting on the suspicious activity going on at Guantanamo Bay, which revealed for all the world that Muslim prisoners were being held there against their will. He was a guide for Danny Glover and other Hollywood luminaries who he entertained by exposing the stars to colorful Cuban culture like free prostitutes, discount cigars, and socialist baseball (like the American game only every run scored counts for both teams).

"He is a major addition to our great paper and his first assignment will be to let management know just what the attitudes in the newsroom really are and how to correct them quickly," said Mr. Raines.