IRAQI WAR HERO AWARDS INTERRUPTED BY BOMB STRIKE
Awards Ceremony being held in Baghdad restaurant ends in Chaos

List of Award Winners Below

Outstanding Surrender Award: Kahlid Muhammad XXIII of Basra. Kahlid used a giant white bed sheet seized from the Basra Sheraton Hotel and waved it at the British while his entire brigade, armed to the teeth, hid behind it. It was not his fault that his brigade opened fire and shot Mr. Muhammad in the back one hundred and seven times before joining the British Army. Award accepted over international telephone by Susan Sarandon.

Most Creative Use of Poison Gas: Salladin al-Maljid for getting his brigade to inhale Sarin gas and then run at the Americans with the purpose of kissing them on the lips and blowing the lethal substance into their lungs. The process still needs work. Award accepted for the late Mr. al-Majid by Monsieur Francois LeGrand who thanked one and all for their business.

Best Written Threat: Muhammad Muhammed of Um Umm in Northern Iraq at Kirkuk.. "Either surrender your entire army or we will set off the atomic bomb we have hidden inside the school at the corner of Huessien and HiWay 23." Unfortunately his troops read the threat before it was sent and deserted. Mr. Muhammed surrendered to 45,000 angry Americans.

Best Army: Republican Guard, Division IV. Pretending to be beaten for seven days so the Americans were lured into downtown Baghdad. The plan worked perfectly. Division IV commander General David Summers, who many in the audience felt might be an American Special Ops spy, received the award.

No further details til rubble is cleared.