LACI PETERSON RULED SUICIDE >

Modesto assistant Chief Forensic Psychiatrist rules. "It's obvious from our tests", he says. Peterson's attorney barred from commenting on case. Peterson's PR firm revealed today that Laci had stabbed herself on at least four other occasions, once with knitting needles, once with an electric carving knife, and twice with implements of torture. She had told friends repeatedly of plans to cut her own head off and had inquired about purchasing a guillotine through an internet mail order company. Defense is "looking at possibility" that Connor, the supposedly unborn baby, may have done the mother in while being born, in which case Connor will be tried in absentia.
OTHER NEWS
INSECT RIGHTS MOVEMENT BEGINS WITH HOLLYWOOD CELEBRITY KICKOFF (At Dreamworks Studios Monday Evening) Big fight expected over moves to include unborn; maggots, cocoons, larva, and eggs which will be bitterly opposed by pro-abortion groups, feminists, lesbians, and gay activists.

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