KOBE BRYANT TV ADS REWORKED FOR NEW IMAGE.

COMMERCIAL #1 THE BRYANT "SLUT HUNTER" SHOES:
KOBE MED SHOT
KOBE

SMILING AND SHOWING PURPLE AND GOLD SHOE TO CAMERA "That white bitch would have gotten clean away if I wasn't wearin' these shoes.

CUT TO: SMILING BLONDE SLUT
BLONDE SLUT

Shit. I would have been in the hall but he jumped over that bed like it waren't even there. Dam he was fine. Thank God he was wearin' them Slut Hunters. Nobody wants to spend they lives runnin' from hot sex.

KOBE

Slut Hinters, wear ‘em in hotels and motels for the best in pussy.

SUPER GOLD LETTERING READING: KOBE BRYANT "SLUT HUNTERS" SHOES FOR THE TESTOSTERONE ENDOWED. WAITRESSES CAN'T RUN, CLERKS LAY DOWN AND WEEP, EVEN BAR GIRLS CAN'T ESCAPE.
FADE TO BLACK

COMMERCIAL #2 THE BRYANT "PUSSY SLAMMER" CLOTHING LINE


KOBE, MED. SHOT. Walking away from CAMERA dressed in the sharpest attire in the world. Approaches a sexy looking BABE from behind. She is dressed in tight garb. He grabs her by the ass. She turns on him angrily. He grabs her and throws her to the ground and jumps her.
CLOSE UP KOBE AND BABE
BABE

My God Sugar, you sure feel big under them fantastic looking pants. What are they called?

KOBE

These be the Pussy Slammers, part of my startin' five line up of my very own Pussy Huntin' shoes, clothing, and on line attorney services.

BABE

Oh Kobe honey they look so good. Can you just do me without taking them off? I mean I am hot just feelin' the fabric.

KOBE

That's what they're for, honey. Stain resistant and guaranteed not to show semen, blood, or DNA evidence after one washing.

DISSOLVE TO SMILING KOBE
KOBE

You don't have to hit ‘em, push ‘em or even make a death threat. Pussy Hunters, what the real street dude wears for consensual ass kicking forceful sex.

FADE TO BLACK


COMMERCIAL #3: "NO EVIDENCE"---THE DETERGENT FOR SEXUALLY ACTIVE MEN


TIGHT SHOT KOBE as he opens front door. PAN and FOLLOW as Kobe runs down the hall toward the washing machine room.

WIFE VOICE OFF CAMERA: Is ‘at you, Kobe honey?

KOBE: Yeah baby, it be me. I'll be right up.

CAMERA MOVE STOPS AS KOBE ENTERS WASH ROOM
.
WIDE SHOT KOBE. Washing machines visible. We see his clothes have stains all over the pants, there may be a blood stain or two on the shirt. He strips off his clothing as he yells to his wife.
KOBE

I'll feed the baby too, sugar. Don't you worry your pretty little brain.

He prominently holds a box of "NO EVIDENCE" and puts a small amount into the washer. KOBE

TO CAMERA After a little action in the back seat, or fightin' off bitches in your hotel room, a real man needs a powerful detergent. Powerful enough to get out DNA, semen, and even them tell tale blood stains. Me and all my brothers use NO EVIDENCE, the perfect answer to certain problems.

DISSOLVE TO
INT.POLICE STATION. KOBE AND COP
The COP is handing a bunch of folded clothes back to Kobe
COP

Sorry Mr. Bryant. You're clothes are DNA, semen, and blood clean. You're free to go.

KOBE

I know, but you ought to know how these white bitches lie.

ANGLE ON KOBE
Kobe moves toward CAMERA a knowing smile on his face. He stops and leans forward.
KOBE

Three arrests and no convictions. HOLDS UP DETERGENT No Evidence. The answer to White Justice.

FADE TO BLACK

RECIPE-- REAL MAN'S HANBURGER

REAL MAN'S HAMBURGER

1. Steal 2 pounds of 25% fat hamburger from the supermarket.

2. Flip off the store Security Guard on the way to your car. If he's a memeber of a minoity hurl a racial slur.

3. On the way home buy some beer and a half pint of vodka.

4. Pick up a slutty looking high school girl at a bus stop and take her
home with you.

4A. On the way home give her the IQ Test.

Q: The colors of the rainbow are red green and yellow. What are the colors of the rainbow?
If she scores two out of three or better, dump her. You don't want babes that can remember things.

5. When you get home give the girl a beer loaded up with vodka and let her
watch Jerry Springer on your TV.

6. Put a frying pan on the stove, turn it to high.

7. Rip open the burger.

8. Sprinkle it with marijuana (no stems or seeds or the high school girl
will figure it out). Then work the pot into the meat.

9. Make a couple of patties then slam them real hard into the hot pan.

10. Ask the girl how she likes her burgers. Pay no attention to what she
says, she's too stupid to remember what she told you anyway.

11. Get out some bread and use the heels of the loaf as a bun so she will
think she's actually there for the food.

12. When the smoke gets real thick, turn the burgers over.

13. Slap some mayo on the bread heels, then whatever kind of crap you have
like onions, relish, pickles, whatever you want to get rid of, and throw it
on there too.

14. Check to see if the girl is drunk yet. If she isn't you're going to
have to give her the burger.

15. Now that the smoke is real think again, you turn off the stove, put a
burger on the heels for her and deliver the goods.

16. Go back in the kitchen and scarf the remaining burger, chase it with
some beer, and wait for the pot to kick in.

17. Go back in the TV room, and if there's no football game on, let her
watch some other scummy show while the vodka, beer, and pot kick in.

18. Slip one of your porno tapes into your VCR and after a minute or two,
use your remote to start it up.

18. The night is still ahead......

IF YOU DOUBT THAT THIS RECIPE WORKS, CHECK THE FACTS: THREE ARRESTS AND NO
CONVICTIONS