WHEN TURKEYS TAKE OVER
Oraculations takes great pleasure in presenting here the award winning Thanksgiving short teleplay by Meleagris Gallopavo called:
WHEN TURKEYS TAKE OVER
FADE IN
EXT.WOODS.EARLY MORNING
Two TURKEYS enter the FRAME, each carrying what looks to be a shotgun. TURKEY #2 is also carrying a small cassette player.
TURKEY #1 (Whispering): Jesus Sammy, take it easy. Be quiet or they’ll hear us.
TURKEY #2: I’m trying. I’m not some fuckin’ Indian for Chriss sakes.
PAN as the Turkeys move a little further. Turkey 1 holds up a wing signaling “stop”. Both stop as Turkey 1 maneuvers his wings so as to create an opening in the foliage.
NEW ANGLE. THROUGH FOLIAGE. TURKEY 1's WING VISIBLE HOLDING BACK BRANCHES. We see a cabin in the not too far distance. There is smoke coming from the chiminey. All conversation is in whispers......
NEW ANGLE.BOTH TURKEYS
TURKEY #2: Shit, you think?
TURKEY #1 (Allowing branch to cover opening again. As he turns to Turkey 1) Yeah, I think. Lookit the smoke. We got our selfs at least two, maybe four of the egg suckers.....
OTHER ANGLES.TURKEYS
They quickly ready their weapons. Turkey #2 sets his cassette player down quietly.
TURKEY #2: Shall I play the call?
TURKEY #1: Yeah, do it.
TURKEY #2 PRESSES THE PLAY BUTTON AND WE HEAR QUITE LOUDLY
WOMAN’S VOICE: Oh, God, give it to me, give it to me, I’m dying for some monster sex. Lick me lick me, I’m dying for it.....
INTERCUT With shots of cabin. Nothing is stirring
ANGLE ON TURKEYS. Turkey #1 allows foliage to block cabin. They talk in urgent whispers.
TURKEY #1: You sure about that call?
TURKEY #2: The ads in Man Slaughter Magazine guaranteed results. I’ll play the second one.
Turkey #2 fiddles with player and then pushes the play button. Once again we intercut with shots of the cabin as the player plays:
WOMAN (VOICE): Oh my God, I want it in my face...I want to swallow you whole, you gorgeous man you....
ANGLE ON CABIN as first one and then a second MAN emerge in a rush. Each has an easily seen erection. They are looking around like crazy, both ready to screw.
ANGLE ON TURKEYS as they excitedly point their guns in the general direction of the cabin.
TURKEY ONE: There they are. There they are.
TURKEY TWO: Christ, look at the horn on that first one. It’s huge.
TURKEY ONE: Jesus, must be nine inches at least. He’s mine....
TURKEY TWO: Like shit he is.
Both turkey open fire, pumping at least ten shots in the direction of the men.
ANGLE ON MEN dodging bird shot as they move back toward the cabin which is now showing the signs of gun damage.
MAN #1. What the fuck?
MAN #2. Son of a bitch. That hurt.
BOTH MEN: Stop, stop, it’s mating season for us. Leave us alone.
TURKEY ONE: God dam it the first guy’s prong has shrunk to nothing.
TURKEY TWO: Thing will look like total shit over my fireplace. The other guy still has his....
TURKEY ONE: (Reloading and then firing) Shit. Well, four inches is better than no inches.....
TURKEY TWO: (firing like crazy) Die you bastard....Die.
ANGLE ON TURKEYS as they break from the brush on the dead run brandishing hunting knives. They dash toward the cabin. MAN TWO is staggering as WOMAN’S VOICE continues.
WOMAN VOICE: ....oh God, put it in my mouth, my arm pits, my pussy up to my cervix... I want to be whipped, beaten, raped unmercifully, insulted, and abused. Stomp on me, pee on me, use me as your slave. I want you now.....
OTHER ANGLES. Turkeys approach the MAN on the dead run as he collapses onto the ground. The other MAN is lying in the brush. TURKEY ONE arrives at the body first and cuts off the still erect penis with one stroke of his hunting knife. The MAN cries out as if dying. Then the SECOND MAN runs from the brush toward the woods in back of the house. Both Turkeys open fire but miss.
TURKEY TWO: Dam, I really wanted that one with the big prong. What are we gunna do with this one?
TURKEY ONE: My wife can cut off the head, clean it, stuff it and cook it.
TURKEY TWO: Quite a hunt, huh?
TURKEY ONE: Yeah. Too bad there’s a one man limit....
TURKEYS grab a leg and drag the dead man off toward the bush where the tape recording is still playing the call....
WOMAN’S VOICE:....Oh my God, I want it in my face etc. Fade out WOMAN’S VOICE as scene FADES TO BLACK.
posted by Howard @ 3:42 AM
