El Laffo Grande

LYRICS: GOVERNMENT CHEESE

2009-02-09T06:11:00.000-08:00

Give a man a free house and he'll bust out the windows
Put his family on food stamps, now he's a big spender
no food on the table and the bills ain't paid
'Cause he spent it on cigarettes and P.G.A.
They'll turn us all into beggars 'cause they're easier to please
They're feeding our people that Government Cheese

Give a man a free lunch and he'll figure out a way
To steal more than he can eat 'cause he doesn't have to pay
Give a woman free kids and you'll find them in the dirt
Learning how to carry on the family line of work
It's the man in the White House, the man under the steeple
Passing out drugs to the American people
I don't believe in anything, nothing is free
They're feeding our people the Government Cheese

Decline and fall, fall down baby
Decline and fall, said fall way down now
Decline and fall, fall down little mama
Decline and fall, decline and fall

Give a man a free ticket
on a dead end ride
And he'll climb in the back even though nobody's driving
Too ******* lazy to crawl out of the wreck
And he'll rot there while he waits for the welfare check
Going to hell in a handbag, can't you see
I ain't gonna eat no Government Cheese

NOT EVEN STALIN HAD THIS MUCH MEDIA CONTROL

2008-10-21T04:46:00.000-07:00

A scary rundown of bias on all news today. How we can survive this I'll never know. To read all click on each header

1. Nets Trumpet Powell's 'Major,' 'Powerful' 'Endorsement of Year' Journalists on TV Sunday heralded the importance and impact of Colin Powell's long-expected endorsement of Barack Obama which he made on Meet the Press. Later in that show, NBC reporter Andrea Mitchell touted Powell's endorsement and critique of the McCain campaign as "a very powerful political statement." On the same panel with Mitchell, Newsweek Editor Jon Meacham declared that "having Colin Powell endorse the Democratic nominee for President is like having the seal of approval from the most important military figure of the age." MSNBC was so excited by the news the channel produced a special Sunday Hardball devoted entirely to Powell's news. Chris Matthews teased: "Colin Powell, right in the kisser. Barack Obama gets the endorsement of the year." Cuing up a Meet the Press re-play at the end of the 5 pm EDT hour, Matthews celebrated: "This is history in the making, on Meet the Press, right now." Both ABC and NBC made Powell their lead. With "Major Endorsement" as it's on-screen heading, ABC anchor Dan Harris teased, "Tonight on World News: On a roll. Obama wins a major endorsement from a major Republican." CNN's 10 PM EDT Newsroom, which dedicated its first 30 minutes to Powell, plastered "Big-Time Endorsement" on screen.

2. Couric Trumpets Chicago Tribune's Obama Endorsement "The Chicago Tribune did something today it had never done before -- it had not endorsed a Democrat for President, not even Illinois Governor Adlai Stevenson in his two runs," CBS Evening News anchor Katie Couric touted Friday night before heralding the endorsement of the candidate from the paper's circulation area: "But today, the Trib endorsed Illinois Senator Barack Obama. It said he's better suited than John McCain to restore a quote, 'common sense of national purpose.'" The editorial, "Tribune endorsement: Barack Obama for president," oozed in its conclusion: "It may have seemed audacious for Obama to start his campaign in Springfield, invoking Lincoln. We think, given the opportunity to hold this nation's most powerful office, he will prove it wasn't so audacious after all. We are proud to add Barack Obama's name to Lincoln's in the list of people the Tribune has endorsed for president of the United States."

3. NBC: 'If World Had a Vote, Barack Obama Would Win in Landslide' Friday's NBC Nightly News devoted a story to how around the world "people want to turn a page on the Bush years" and, as if it's relevant, "if the world had a vote, Barack Obama would win in a landslide." A suggestion to viewers on what they must do to restore America's honor? Reporter Dawna Friesen warned that the next President "faces a grim reality: Much of the world deeply distrusts, even dislikes, the United States" and she rued "much of the sympathy and solidarity that existed after 9/11 evaporated during the Bush years." Pointing to Iraq as the primary culprit ("so many believed it was invaded on false pretenses"), Friesen also highlighted "other reasons," such as how "after Abu Ghraib and Guantanamo Bay, the U.S. is perceived by many as a violator rather than an upholder of human rights" and "America is seen contributing, but not doing much to solve, global warming." From Istanbul, she concluded: "Here in Turkey, as in much of the world, people want to turn a page on the Bush years. In fact, polls show the image of the U.S. has improved slightly this year simply because President Bush is leaving. And, that if the world had a vote, Barack Obama would win in a landslide. Regardless of who wins, the world is clamoring for a new America in 2009."

4. Nightline Hypes Breaking News: Joe the Plumber Not Named Joe Continuing the mainstream media's dogged pursuit of the truth, Thursday's Nightline breathlessly asserted that Joe "the plumber" Wurzelbacher isn't really named Joe. In a segment on the Ohio man who quizzed Senator Barack Obama about his tax plan, co-anchor Martin Bashir derided, "But his name's not Joe and he's not a registered plumber. And those are only half his problems."

5. CBS's Early Show Discredits 'The Real Joe the Plumber' On Friday's CBS Early Show, correspondent Jeff Glor reported on the role of Joe the plumber, a.k.a. Joe Wurzelbacher, in the presidential campaign: "The McCain campaign is using Wurzelbacher to say their opponent would raise taxes. Though it turns out, Wurzelbacher himself owes nearly $1,200 in back taxes and his annual tax bill would actually go down under Obama's plan." Glor then added: "Obama mocked the McCain strategy." At the end of Glor's report, co-host Harry Smith asked: "Yeah Jeff, we're starting to learn a little bit more about Joe/Steven, the plumber?" Smith mistakenly referred to Wurzelbacher's first name being Steven, when in fact it is Samuel, and he corrected himself: "Samuel." Glor responded: "A couple of more things about Joe the plumber -- Samuel, indeed. He is registered to vote. There were some questions about that. He does not have a plumber's license, though. And it turns out his real first name is Samuel. Joe is his middle name." At that moment, an on screen Graphic appeared with the headline: "The Real Joe the Plumber" and listed the details Glor mentioned.

6. CBS: 4 Out of 5 'Average Joes' Would Get More From Obama Tax Plan After smearing Joe the Plumber on Friday's CBS Early Show, co-host Harry Smith turned to a group of his own hand selected "average Joes" to defend Barack Obama's tax plan: "I'll tell you, we have assembled a panel of 'average Joes.' Joe the plumber, the most famous person in America now. Well, we have five Joes here this morning, from various walks of life, and we're going to put their incomes to the test against the candidates' tax plans and see how it will affect them all." Financial analyst Jennifer Openshaw then proceeded to examine the personal financial situations of each "Joe" and concluded that four of them would save more money under Obama's tax plan as promoted by his campaign.

7. Guilt by Association? WSJ Profiles McCain Family's Slaves Barack Obama's supporters are whining about any attempt to link their candidate with former Weather Underground bomber William Ayers as "guilt by association" -- even though, as National Review contributor Stanley Kurtz points out, the working relationship between Obama and Ayers can more correctly be described as "guilt by participation." But Friday's Wall Street Journal treated us to a classic case of guilt by association: a front-page profile of the descendants of slaves owned by John McCain's great-great grandfather before the Civil War. After documenting the poor treatment that the black families (who share the last name "McCain") received over the past century, reporter Douglas Blackmon tags Senator McCain -- whom he placed at the family's former plantation as a young man in the 1940s and 1950s -- as "largely unaware" of the sordid history: "Sen. McCain grew to adulthood largely unaware of his family's ties to slavery. In a statement, he called the abuses of African-Americans in the 20th century 'a dark and tragic chapter in American history' and said that 'cultivating the bond between the two families...is important.'"

8. Nets Played Up Foley Scandal Now Skipping Tim Mahoney Sex Scandal Two years ago, ABC's Brian Ross broke wide open the scandal of Republican Rep. Mark Foley sending sexual Internet messages to congressional pages. Foley resigned quickly, but that didn't dampen the story. We reported: "On the ABC, CBS, and NBC morning and evening news programs, from the story's emergence on Friday night, September 29, through Wednesday morning, October 11, the Big Three networks have aired 152 stories." On October 11's Good Morning America, news anchor Christopher Cuomo spoke insistently: "Less than a month before the elections and the Mark Foley scandal just keeps growing." Reporter Jake Tapper added: "This is the scandal that will not go away." But what about a scandal that will not be acknowledged? Even when a network breaks the story? On October 13, ABC reporter Brian Ross broke the news on his Blotter blog that Rep. Tim Mahoney, the Democrat who replaced Mark Foley in the House, who ran on returning morality to Congress, "agreed to a $121,000 payment to a former mistress who worked on his staff and was threatening to sue him." The FBI is now investigating. ABC has audio of him yelling at the mistress (with profanities) that she's fired. Mahoney didn't resign. He's running for reelection. Number of ABC stories on the morning and evening newscasts? Zero. Number of CBS stories? Zero. Number of NBC stories? Zero.

9. Ex-NBC News Chief Advocates Gumbel for Meet the Press Moderator Bryant Gumbel, back to network television news? Catching up with an item from my pending file originally bumped by Barack Obama's Joe Biden announcement, back in August former NBC News President Michael Gartner, who in 1991 made Tim Russert the moderator of Meet the Press, recommended that NBC now resurrect veteran left-winger Gumbel, whom he hailed as "smart" and "quick," and give him the Sunday morning interview program. In his weekly Friday column at the end of the Olympics ("NBC's Costas golden; Meet the Press next?"), USA Today founder Al Neuharth urged NBC to pick Bob Costas, who hosted the games from Beijing, to replace interim host Tom Brokaw. Below the August 22 column, the paper ran a reaction from Gartner, now principal owner of the Iowa Cubs minor league baseball team: "Bob Costas -- or Bryant Gumbel. Both are smart, quick, and do their homework. Either would excel. But it's not my call -- or Al's."

10. Richard Lewis: 'Constitution Been Trampled the Last Eight Years' Another celebrity has used the same tired line that Bush has trampled on the Constitution. This time it was comedian/actor Richard Lewis pontificating on Friday's The View. Calling for Americans to get out and vote, Lewis also blamed "fundamentalists" for America's demise, exclaiming "the Constitution has been trampled the last eight years, period. This is not what this America is supposed to be for" and "it's the fundamentalists that are screwing things up."

Nets Trumpet Powell's 'Major,' 'Powerful'
'Endorsement of Year'

Journalists on TV Sunday heralded the importance and impact of Colin Powell's long-expected endorsement of Barack Obama which he made on Meet the Press. Later in that show, NBC reporter Andrea Mitchell touted Powell's endorsement and critique of the McCain campaign as "a very powerful political statement." On the same panel with Mitchell, Newsweek Editor Jon Meacham declared that "having Colin Powell endorse the Democratic nominee for President is like having the seal of approval from the most important military figure of the age."

MSNBC was so excited by the news the channel produced a special Sunday Hardball devoted entirely to Powell's news. Chris Matthews teased: "Colin Powell, right in the kisser. Barack Obama gets the endorsement of the year. Let's play Hardball." Cuing up a Meet the Press re-play at the end of the 5 pm EDT hour, Matthews celebrated: "This is history in the making, on Meet the Press, right now."

NFL football bumped the EDT/CDT CBS Evening News, but both ABC and NBC made Powell their lead. With "Major Endorsement" as it's on-screen heading, ABC anchor Dan Harris teased, "Tonight on World News: On a roll. Obama wins a major endorsement from a major Republican." CNN's 10 PM EDT Newsroom, which dedicated its first 30 minutes to Powell, plastered "Big-Time Endorsement" on screen before anchor Don Lemon wondered: "I know it is important, but just how important is this?"

On the NBC Nightly News, Lee Cowan framed his story around how Obama "was in a military town in North Carlina, home to Fort Bragg, where seven words from an Army General-" (Powell: "I'll be voting for Senator Barack Obama") "-left the Illinois Senator humbled."

[This item, by the MRC's Brent Baker, was posted Sunday night on the MRC's blog, NewsBusters.org: newsbusters.org ]

At the top of CBS's 10:30 AM EDT Face the Nation, the only one of the four broadcast network Sunday interview shows not produced at the same time as Meet the Press (9 AM EDT), host Bob Schieffer outlined Powell's case:
"Well, the big news of the morning: General Colin Powell told Tom Brokaw this morning that he will vote for Barack Obama because, he said, the McCain campaign has been too polarizing, that he questioned Senator McCain's judgment in picking Sarah Palin as his running mate and he says attempts by the McCain campaign to connect Obama to former Vietnam protester Bill Ayers is inappropriate."

Of course, Ayers was a bit more than just a "Vietnam protester."

Powell's choice became known during ABC's This Week and guest panelist David Gergen asserted: "I think it is the most important endorsement of the campaign so far."

In the Meet the Press panel segment, Mitchell dismissed William Ayers and "Joe the Plumber" as "marginal issues" as she emphasized the relevance of Powell's criticisms and endorsement:
"In talking about the narrowing of the party, he's talking, as he told you, about William Ayers, about the robo-calls, about the accusations of socialism, about, let's face it, "Joe the Plumber." A lot of the seemingly marginal issues that the McCain campaign has fixed on in these closing weeks are now undercut by the Colin Powell endorsement. This is a big deal with centrist Republicans, with Republican women in the suburbs. He's appealing, by mentioning the Supreme Court, he's appealing to a lot of those women who may not agree with Barack Obama on a lot of social questions, but feel the tug on Roe v. Wade and also would be influenced by Colin Powell and by a centrist Republican saying that this party is different. I think this is a very powerful political statement."

Every time someone reporters like endorses Obama they jump to publicize it:

# The May 15 CyberAlert item, "Excited by 'Major' Edwards Endorsement to 'Create One America,'" recounted:

Trumpeting the "major endorsement" from John Edwards for Barack Obama, the day after Obama was trounced by 40 points in West Virginia all three broadcast network evening newscasts led Wednesday night with the "dramatic" announcement of the "political prize" that gives Obama a "major boost." Katie Couric returned at the end of the 6:30 PM EST CBS Evening News feed to reiterate "our top story tonight" as she effused over live video of Edwards speaking at the rally: "John Edwards endorses Barack Obama, saying he's one man who knows in his heart that it's time to create one America, not two."

ABC was so excited that its 6:30 PM feed of World News went live at about 6:40 PM to Grand Rapids, Michigan for 90 seconds of Obama introducing Edwards, compete with a Bruce Spingsteen song as Edwards bounded on stage. Gibson then acknowledged: "Timed for maximum exposure, timed to coincide with the evening newscasts, timed to give Barack Obama a needed boost after his bad defeat yesterday in West Virginia. George Stephanopoulos, this is the kind of publicity that you can't buy."

Full rundown: www.mrc.org

# The January 29 CyberAlert posting, "'Mystique' Means 'Audacity of Hope' Has 'Rendezvous with Destiny,'" reported:

The broadcast network anchors and reporters were almost as giddy as Barack Obama over liberal Democrat Ted Kennedy's endorsement of the presidential candidate. ABC, CBS and NBC all led Monday night with it and ABC's David Wright adopted campaign slogans as he enthused about how "today the audacity of hope had its rendezvous with destiny. The Kennedy clan anointed Barack Obama a son of Camelot." CBS Evening News anchor Katie Couric teased, "Passing the torch: Barack Obama is tapped as the candidate to continue the Kennedy legacy." NBC's Lee Cowan, who earlier this month conceded "it's almost hard to remain objective" when covering Obama, showed he also has a soft spot for the Kennedys as he radiated over how "the endorsement brought the Kennedy mystique to this campaign, not in a whisper, but a roar." Viewers then got a soundbite of Kennedy yelling during the event at American University.

Later, on Nightline, with "New Son of Camelot" on screen over video of Obama and Ted Kennedy, anchor Terry Moran trumpeted the "new son of Camelot. Ted and Caroline Kennedy pass the torch to Barack Obama to carry the legacy of JFK." Moran soon hailed how "the political world was transfixed by the spectacle of the most powerful Democratic family of the 20th century christening a new torch bearer for the 21st." David Wright repeated his "the audacity of hope had its rendezvous with destiny" line before championing the "merging ideals from two different eras" as "Obama is now an adopted son of Camelot."

Complete summary: www.mrc.org

Plus, on Al Gore endorsing Obama on June 16:

For "CNN's Campbell Brown Giddy Over Al Gore, Pushes Him for VP," see: www.mrc.org

For "NBC Trumpets Gore's 'Return to Electoral Politics' to Endorse Obama," go to: www.mrc.org

Couric Trumpets Chicago Tribune's Obama
Endorsement

"The Chicago Tribune did something today it had never done before -- it had not endorsed a Democrat for President, not even Illinois Governor Adlai Stevenson in his two runs," CBS Evening News anchor Katie Couric touted Friday night before heralding the endorsement of the candidate from the paper's circulation area: "But today, the Trib endorsed Illinois Senator Barack Obama. It said he's better suited than John McCain to restore a quote, 'common sense of national purpose.'"

The endorsement editorial posted Friday afternoon, but presumably to appear in Sunday's newspaper, acknowledged the paper's admiration for the hometown Senator is nothing new: "On Dec. 6, 2006, this page encouraged Obama to join the presidential campaign. We wrote that he would celebrate our common values instead of exaggerate our differences. We said he would raise the tone of the campaign. We said his intellectual depth would sharpen the policy debate. In the ensuing 22 months he has done just that."

[This item, by the MRC's Brent Baker, was posted Friday night on the MRC's blog, NewsBusters.org: newsbusters.org ]

Neither Friday's NBC's Nightly News nor ABC's World News considered the endorsement newsworthy.

The editorial, "Tribune endorsement: Barack Obama for president," oozed in its conclusion: "It may have seemed audacious for Obama to start his campaign in Springfield, invoking Lincoln. We think, given the opportunity to hold this nation's most powerful office, he will prove it wasn't so audacious after all. We are proud to add Barack Obama's name to Lincoln's in the list of people the Tribune has endorsed for president of the United States."

For the complete editorial: www.chicagotribune.com

Obama is up 3-to-1 in newspaper endorsements (by 4-to-1 in circulation), according to the latest Editor & Publisher count as of today (Friday):

The Obama-Biden ticket maintains its strong lead in the race for newspaper endorsements, picking up 12 more papers in the past day, including the giant Los Angeles Times and Chicago Tribune on Friday afternoon. This brings his lead over McCain-Palin by this measure to over 3-1 so far, at 51-16....

The readership of the 51 newspapers backing Obama now stands at 6,299,363 daily circulation. He gained two biggies yesterday in The Washington Post and San Francisco Chronicle....

The Mountain Valley News in Colorado adds to McCain's endorsement list, bringing his total to 16 newspapers. The daily circulation of his newspapers now stands at 1,502,163.

The E&P article: www.editorandpublisher.com

Couric's short item, in full, on the Friday, October 17 CBS Evening News which she anchored from Charlotte: "One other Campaign '08 note, the Chicago Tribune did something today it had never done before -- it had not endorsed a Democrat for President, not even Illinois Governor Adlai Stevenson in his two runs. But today, the Trib endorsed Illinois Senator Barack Obama. It said he's better suited than John McCain to restore a quote, 'common sense of national purpose.'"

NBC: 'If World Had a Vote, Barack Obama
Would Win in Landslide'

Friday's NBC Nightly News devoted a story to how around the world "people want to turn a page on the Bush years" and, as if it's relevant, "if the world had a vote, Barack Obama would win in a landslide." A suggestion to viewers on what they must do to restore America's honor? Reporter Dawna Friesen warned that the next President "faces a grim reality: Much of the world deeply distrusts, even dislikes, the United States" and she rued "much of the sympathy and solidarity that existed after 9/11 evaporated during the Bush years."

Pointing to Iraq as the primary culprit ("so many believed it was invaded on false pretenses"), Friesen also highlighted "other reasons," such as how "after Abu Ghraib and Guantanamo Bay, the U.S. is perceived by many as a violator rather than an upholder of human rights" and "America is seen contributing, but not doing much to solve, global warming." From Istanbul, she concluded: "Here in Turkey, as in much of the world, people want to turn a page on the Bush years. In fact, polls show the image of the U.S. has improved slightly this year simply because President Bush is leaving. And, that if the world had a vote, Barack Obama would win in a landslide. Regardless of who wins, the world is clamoring for a new America in 2009."

[This item, by the MRC's Brent Baker, was posted Friday night on the MRC's blog, NewsBusters.org: newsbusters.org ]

The story on the Friday, October 17 NBC Nightly News:

BRIAN WILLIAMS: We're back now with our In Depth report tonight. As election day approaches we've been talking here recently about the hot spots around the world that will be crowding the next President's agenda. Fact is, the U.S. is on the world's agenda as well and our 44th President will have a lot of work to do. Our report on this tonight from NBC's Dawna Friesen.

DAWNA FRIESEN: The next President, whoever he is, faces a grim reality: Much of the world deeply distrusts, even dislikes, the United States. In France, these bloggers say the world is hungry for change.
MOHAMED HAMIDI, BONDY BLOG EDITOR: The President of the United States is not the President of the world.
FRIESEN: Nicole Bacharan is a respected French political analyst who used to live in the U.S.
NICOLE BACHARAN: There's a lot of hostility, the sense that Americans are, or the government at least is arrogant, aggressive. And a danger, basically, for the rest of the world.
FRIESEN: Much of the sympathy and solidarity that existed after 9/11 evaporated during the Bush years, especially in the Muslim world. A recent Pew poll found only 37 percent of Indonesians, 22 percent of Egyptians and 19 percent of Pakistanis had a positive opinion of the U.S. Even among traditional western European allies, approval is low: 31 percent in Germany, 33 percent in Spain, 42 percent in France.
RICHARD WIKE, PEW GLOBAL ATTITUDES PROJECT: A big part of the story is certainly opposition to American foreign policy. First and foremost, it's Iraq.
FRIESEN: Iraq, not only because so many believed it was invaded on false pretenses, but because the U.S. did it despite so many countries' objections.
WIKE: There is sort of a general perception that the U.S. acts unilaterally in world affairs.
FRIESEN: Other reasons: After Abu Ghraib and Guantanamo Bay, the U.S. is perceived by many as a violator rather than an upholder of human rights. America is seen contributing, but not doing much to solve, global warming. And it's viewed by many as having triggered the current economic meltdown. Nowhere is America's image worse than in Turkey. Polls show 70 percent of people here see the U.S. more as an enemy than a friend, despite Turkey being a NATO ally and a partner in the war on terror.
ERSKIN KALAYCIOGLU, SABANCI UNIVERSITY: Politically speaking, the U.S. is considered to be a bull in a china shop.
FRIESEN: But American culture and its people are still embraced.
YASEMIN CONGAR, COLUMNIST: They still see the good side of America, the mobility, the change, the dynamism, the openness to the world.
FRIESEN: Here in Turkey, as in much of the world, people want to turn a page on the Bush years. In fact, polls show the image of the U.S. has improved slightly this year simply because President Bush is leaving. And, that if the world had a vote, Barack Obama would win in a landslide. Regardless of who wins, the world is clamoring for a new America in 2009. Dawna Friesen, NBC News, Istanbul.

Nightline Hypes Breaking News: Joe the
Plumber Not Named Joe

Continuing the mainstream media's dogged pursuit of the truth, Thursday's Nightline breathlessly asserted that Joe "the plumber" Wurzelbacher isn't really named Joe. In a segment on the Ohio man who quizzed Senator Barack Obama about his tax plan, co-anchor Martin Bashir derided, "But his name's not Joe and he's not a registered plumber. And those are only half his problems."

Of course, his middle name is Joseph. Continuing to harp on this subject, reporter Jake Tapper alerted: "And it turns out Joe the plumber is not even technically named Joe...His name is Sam, Samuel Joseph Wurzelbacher." Now, although it took the media almost a year to report on Jeremiah Wright, Obama's radical preacher, Bashir announced that in the case of Wurzelbacher, "It wasn't long before the media pounced. But with the spotlight has come some scrutiny." Before launching into an investigation of Joe the plumber, Tapper chided, "The McCain campaign did not necessarily vet Joe, it seems." (Do voters need to be vetted before they're allowed to ask Obama a question?)

[This item, by the MRC's Scott Whitlock, was posted Friday afternoon on the MRC's blog, NewsBusters.org: newsbusters.org ]

Explaining Wurzelbacher's own tax problems, Tapper explained, "And while Joe would certainly appreciate no new taxes, he's not fond of old ones either. It seems the state of Ohio filed a lien against him last year for $1,182.98 in unpaid personal income taxes."

If only members of the media had shown this much interest in Reverend Wright or Obama's associations with terrorist bomber William Ayers, their fascination over a man with a plumbing business wouldn't seem so odd.

A transcript of the segment, which aired at 11:57pm on October 16:

11:35pm tease

MARTIN BASHIR: And, say it ain't so, Joe. John McCain called Joe the plumber the winner of last night's debate. But his name's not Joe and he's not a registered plumber. And those are only half his problems.

11:58pm:
BASHIR: It's been a remarkable rise to fame for a man known as Joe the plumber. He asked a question of Barack Obama that John McCain used repeatedly in last night's debate. It wasn't long before the media pounced. But with the spotlight has come some scrutiny. As Jake Tapper now reports.
JAKE TAPPER: For john McCain, Joe the plumber seemed too good to be true. On Sunday, while Barack Obama was reaching out to voters in a working class suburb of Toledo in battleground state Ohio-
SENATOR BARACK OBAMA: What's your name?
JOE WURZELBACHER: Name's Joe Wurzelbacher.
OBAMA: Good to see you, Joe.
TAPPER: Joe Wurzelbacher suddenly appeared. An independent working class voter, Joe was worried about Barack Obama's proposed tax increases on the wealthiest Americans.
WURZELBACHER: I'm getting ready to buy a company that makes $250, 270, $280,000 a year. Your new tax plan is going to tax me more, isn't it?
OBAMA: Listen, I respect what you do and I respect your question. And, you know, even if I don't get your vote, I'm still going to be working hard on your behalf.
TAPPER: For Republicans, Joe became a symbol of the average American's resistance to Obama's proposed tax increases. And then on Wednesday in Hampstead, New York, at the third and final presidential debate, Joe Wurzelbacher, who McCain called-
SENATOR JOHN MCCAIN: Joe Wurzelburger [sic]
TAPPER: -officially became Joe the plumber.
MCCAIN: Joe the plumber is out there.
OBAMA: Now, the conversation I had with Joe the plumber-
MCCAIN: Joe was trying to realize the American dream.
OBAMA: Additional tax cuts to Joe the plumber-
MCCAIN: You're going to take Joe's money, give it to Senator Obama- TAPPER: And at times, it seemed as if Joe the plumber that only voter either candidate cared about. The media too.
["Good Morning America" clip]
DIANE SAWYER: Do you like being known as Joe the plumber?
WURZELBACHER: You know, my son is digging it.
TAPPER: Media interest seen around the world. Today, McCain did his best to keep this symbol alive.
MCCAIN: The real winner last night was Joe the plumber.
TAPPER: McCain hinted today, he'll soon be campaigning with Joe, but it's not clear that would be such a great idea. The McCain campaign did not necessarily vet Joe, it seems. First of all, it's not clear Joe would have his taxes increased under Barack Obama.
SAWYER: You're not taking home $250,000 now, am I right?
WURZELBACHER: No. No, not even close.
TAPPER: And Joe today clarified that the business will cost him more than $250,000, not that it will net him that much in profits. So, as of now, Joe might even be eligible for a tax cut under Obama. And while Joe would certainly appreciate no new taxes, he's not fond of old ones either. It seems the state of Ohio filed a lien against him last year for $1,182.98 in unpaid personal income taxes. And it turns out Joe the plumber is not even technically named Joe and he's not technically a plumber either. His name is Sam, Samuel Joseph Wurzelbacher. And in the state of Ohio, Joe is not a licensed plumber, which he would need to be to run that plumbing business. Wurzelbacher has now gone from being a mythical figure to being fodder for late-night comedy shows.
JON STEWART: Why are we vetting this guy, Joe the plumber guy? He's already done more interviews than Sarah Palin.
TAPPER: I'm Jake Tapper for "Nightline" in New York.
BASHIR: Politics and plumbing, not a happy mixture.

CBS's Early Show Discredits 'The Real
Joe the Plumber'

On Friday's CBS Early Show, correspondent Jeff Glor reported on the role of Joe the plumber, a.k.a. Joe Wurzelbacher, in the presidential campaign: "The McCain campaign is using Wurzelbacher to say their opponent would raise taxes. Though it turns out, Wurzelbacher himself owes nearly $1,200 in back taxes and his annual tax bill would actually go down under Obama's plan." Glor then added: "Obama mocked the McCain strategy." At the end of Glor's report, co-host Harry Smith asked: "Yeah Jeff, we're starting to learn a little bit more about Joe/Steven, the plumber?" Smith mistakenly referred to Wurzelbacher's first name being Steven, when in fact it is Samuel, and he corrected himself: "Samuel." Glor responded: "A couple of more things about Joe the plumber -- Samuel, indeed. He is registered to vote. There were some questions about that. He does not have a plumber's license, though. And it turns out his real first name is Samuel. Joe is his middle name." At that moment, an on screen Graphic appeared with the headline: "The Real Joe the Plumber" and listed the details Glor mentioned.

On Thursday, co-host Maggie Rodriguez claimed that Wurzelbacher "feels like he is being used by the Republican Party as a pawn to make their point..." but offered no direct quote of any such comment. See the October 16 CyberAlert: www.mediaresearch.org

[This item, by the MRC's Kyle Drennen, was posted Friday afternoon on the MRC's blog, NewsBusters.org: newsbusters.org ]

Following Glor's report, co-host Julie Chen talked to former Bush advisor Dan Bartlett and Democratic strategist Joe Trippi about the campaign and specifically Joe the plumber: "Joe, do you think that Senator McCain managed to make the notion of Joe the plumber a game-changer for him?" Trippi tried to portray the focus on Wurzelbacher as a mistake: "You know, it's very dangerous place to go, because the more we've seen in the past, the more people who are worried about the economy and the financial crisis, the more they move traditionally to Democrats anyway and have been moving to Obama. So, to -- so now the fight is on Obama's turf. It's about the economy, it's about the future economic prospects of the nation. That's not necessarily a place that McCain wants to take this." Bartlett countered: "And he doesn't have much of a choice, though. It's on the economy, that's where the Americans people's mind is. There's a little bit of an experience gap here between -- as John McCain will argue, and he's got to take these unprecedented times and turn them to his favor so he doesn't have a choice."

Here is the full transcript of the Glor report:

7:00AM TEASE:
HARRY SMITH: Eighteen days to go and the candidates trade in attacks for laughs.
BARACK OBAMA: Now recently, one of John's top advisers told the Daily News that If we keep talking about the economy, McCain's going to lose. So, tonight, I'd like to talk about the economy.
JOHN MCCAIN: Yes, it's true that this morning, I've dismissed my entire team of senior advisers. All of their positions will now be held by a man named Joe the plumber.
SMITH: And a Late Show apology in New York.
DAVID LETTERMAN: You called me an hour and a half and said we've got to get right back to Washington, but you didn't go right back to Washington.
JOHN MCCAIN: I screwed up.

7:02AM SEGMENT:
JULIE CHEN: But first, election day is now only 2 Â½ weeks away. John McCain and Barack Obama are each focusing on swing states but they also found time for a few laughs Thursday night. Early Show national correspondent Jeff Glor is in Miami with that. Good morning, Jeff.
JEFF GLOR: Hey Julie, good morning to you. Yeah, quite a difference at this charity event in New York from the way we're used to seeing these candidates. John McCain will be in Miami today. Barack Obama will be in Florida on Monday. Another one of these states both candidates consider crucial. With the debates over, both campaigns hit the swing states hard by day and softened things up at night.
BARACK OBAMA: Many of you know that I got my name Barack from my father. What you may not know is Barack is actually Swahili for 'that one.'
GLOR: Before both candidates went to an annual roast in New York City, John McCain told David Letterman he was sorry for a recent cancellation.
JOHN MCCAIN: I screwed up.
DAVID LETTERMAN: Well-
MCCAIN: But look at all the conversation I gave you.
DAVID LETTERMAN: Yes.
GLOR: The campaigns are appearing with established celebrities and creating new ones.
MCCAIN: The real winner last night was Joe the plumber!
GLOR: Including Joe Wurzelbacher, the man who this week confronted Obama and then became the centerpiece of a debate.
WURZELBACHER: They were using me to make a point, so I don't mind it as long as people stop and think.
GLOR: The McCain campaign is using Wurzelbacher to say their opponent would raise taxes. Though it turns out, Wurzelbacher himself owes nearly $1,200 in back taxes and his annual tax bill would actually go down under Obama's plan.
WURZELBACHER: If you believe him, I would be receiving his tax cuts.
GLOR: Obama mocked the McCain strategy.
OBAMA: He's trying to suggest that -- that a plumber is the guy he's fighting for. How many plumbers do you know making a quarter of a million dollars a year?
GLOR: But warned his supporters about over confidence.
OBAMA: And for those who are getting a little cocky, I've got two words for you: New Hampshire.
STUART ROTHENBERG: Everybody knows stories about some candidate who was absolutely positively sure he or she was going to win and at the end of the day, left -- left something on the table.
GLOR: The break-neck pace continues this weekend, Harry, with candidates hitting places like Missouri, Ohio, Virginia, and as we mentioned, Florida will come up on Monday. Harry, back to you in New York.
SMITH: Yeah Jeff, we're starting to learn a little bit more about Joe/Steven, the plumber?
GLOR: Yes, indeed, Harry.
SMITH: Samuel.
GLOR: A couple of more things about Joe the plumber -- Samuel, indeed. He is registered to vote. There were some questions about that. He does not have a plumber's license, though. And it turns out his real first name is Samuel. Joe is his middle name. I tell you what, guys, I would not want to be living in his neighborhood right now.
SMITH: With all of the satellite trucks and everything else. Alright, Jeff thanks very much.
GLOR: Yes, indeed. Okay.

CBS: 4 Out of 5 'Average Joes' Would
Get More From Obama Tax Plan

After smearing Joe the Plumber on Friday's CBS Early Show, co-host Harry Smith turned to a group of his own hand selected "average Joes" to defend Barack Obama's tax plan: "I'll tell you, we have assembled a panel of 'average Joes.' Joe the plumber, the most famous person in America now. Well, we have five Joes here this morning, from various walks of life, and we're going to put their incomes to the test against the candidates' tax plans and see how it will affect them all." Financial analyst Jennifer Openshaw then proceeded to examine the personal financial situations of each "Joe" and concluded that four of them would save more money under Obama's tax plan as promoted by his campaign.

Smith did acknowledge these projections were hypothetical: "...according to the Obama tax plan, and this, of course, is subject to passed by Congress...Talk about a pie in the sky." However, he then continued to assume it would be implemented and focused on the first guest, asking Openshaw: "He would do much better with Obama plan?" Openshaw replied: "You bet, he would do a lot better. But under McCain, what's interesting is, you know, he's got that $2,500 health care tax credit...for coverage, you know, you might not be able to cover both you and your son if you have to go find coverage someplace. So that's something to watch out for."

[This item, by the MRC's Kyle Drennen, was posted Friday afternoon on the MRC's blog, NewsBusters.org: newsbusters.org ]

The second guest, Joe Lawless, was the one exception, a self-employed attorney who made over $250,000 a year and would benefit from McCain's tax plan. Even so, Smith couldn't help but again bash Joe the Plumber as he asked Lawless: "So this kind of conversation that, at least theoretically, was happening with Joe the Plumber, who's not a plumber. Would it make a difference to you whether one of these plans or the other worked to your advantage?" Openshaw did explain to Lawless how little money he would save under Obama: "Yeah, the bottom line is as an investor you're going to say good-bye to those lower dividend and capital gains tax rates, because they're going to go from 15%, Joe, to 20% under Obama...Under Obama. The other thing is, your tax bracket's going up to 39%, actually a little over 39%, so you're not going to be too happy there."

For the third guest, Joanne, Openshaw declared: "The bottom line is under McCain you save a hundred dollars or so and under Obama $900. $900 is $900." On the forth guest, Joe Trentacosta, she explained: "Here's the bottom line for you. Is you would be saving $1,000 under McCain and about $1,300 under Obama so not too much of a difference there." On the fifth and final guest, Joe Enoch, Openshaw once again described the greater benefits of an Obama plan: "The bottom line between the two candidates is under McCain you save $300, under Obama, about a thousand dollars, Joe." Showing how Obama's tax plan would work was clearly the main purpose of the segment. McCain's tax policy was treated as a less favorable after thought.

Here is the full transcript of the segment:

7:01 AM TEASE:

HARRY SMITH: I'll tell you, we have assembled a panel of 'average Joes.' Joe the plumber, the most famous person in America now. Well, we have five Joes here this morning, from various walks of life, and we're going to put their incomes to the test against the candidates' tax plans and see how it will affect them all. It's going to be fun, Julie.
JULIE CHEN: I'm looking forward to that.

7:10AM SEGMENT:

HARRY SMITH: How do the candidates' tax plans affect real Americans? Joining us are five 'average Joes' who all happen to be named Joe. Also with us Jennifer Openshaw, president of weseed.com. Good morning to everybody. Alright, this is going to be very personal because we're going to talk about how much money you make in an average year and we're going to compare that then to the proposed tax plans. Are you ready for this? Alright, Joe. First, how much money do you make in a year?
JOE: About $65,000.
SMITH: About $65,000. Would it make a difference to you if one tax plan or the other seemed to be really be an advantage?
JOE: Absolutely.
SMITH: Absolutely. Okay. Fire away. You know how much he makes. Let's look at the tax plans and what it would do.
JENNIFER OPENSHAW: Well, the bottom line is eventually he probably would qualify for a child care tax credit, because a child care tax credit's going up from 20% to 50% under Obama. So that's how much you pay everyday for child care. Also a $500 savers credit. So if you're saving money, your income's under $75,000 which it is.
SMITH: Right.
OPENSHAW: And then also, a $500 Making Work Pay. So Harry, this is $500 right off your taxes for middle income people who are earning less than $200,000.
SMITH: So in this particular case, according to the Obama tax plan, and this, of course, is subject to passed by Congress.
OPENSHAW: Of course, yes.
SMITH: Talk about a pie in the sky. He would do much better with Obama plan?
OPENSHAW: You bet, he would do a lot better. But under McCain, what's interesting is, you know, he's got that $2,500 health care tax credit-
SMITH: Right.
OPENSHAW: -for coverage, you know, you might not be able to cover both you and your son if you have to go find coverage someplace. So that's something to watch out for.
SMITH: Alright, let's go on to Joe lawless, how you doing, Joe?
JOE LAWLESS: Good.
SMITH: And what do you do for a living?
LAWLESS: I'm a criminal lawyer.
SMITH: And his name is lawless. Isn't that amazing. Alright, and what kind of bounty do you make?
LAWLESS: I make in excess of $250,000. It depends on the year. I'm a sole practitioner, small business owner.
SMITH: Wow, there you go. So this kind of conversation that, at least theoretically, was happening with Joe the Plumber, who's not a plumber-
LAWLESS: I'm a lawyer, by the way.
SMITH: Yeah. Okay. Would it make a difference to you whether one of these plans or the other worked to your advantage?
LAWLESS: Well it would certainly be less money out of my pocket if McCain's plan was passed, but I think it's a broader question then just the taxes.
SMITH: Okay, alright fire away.
OPENSHAW: Yeah, the bottom line is as an investor you're going to say good-bye to those lower dividend and capital gains tax rates, because they're going to go from15%, Joe, to 20% under Obama.
SMITH: Under Obama, right.
OPENSHAW: Under Obama. The other thing is, your tax bracket's going up to 39%, actually a little over 39%, so you're not going to be too happy there.
LAWLESS: No.
SMITH: Wow.
OPENSHAW: But under McCain, everything stays the same with those dividend tax rates and the favorable capital gains. The other big thing is, on the AMT side, because everybody's getting snagged by that, lots of people, McCain is does have a more specific proposal doubling it to about where it is right now for the exclusion.
SMITH: You do -- you do really well with John McCain.
LAWLESS: Yeah.
SMITH: Yeah, okay. Alright Jo, what's your situation? What do you do?
JOANNE: Well, I just got a job. I'm a management associate for the American Theater Wing, it's my first full-time job in three years.
SMITH: How exciting. What kind of money does it pay?
JOANNE: Well, you know, I'm in the lower end of the tax bracket at this point-
SMITH: Lower end of the tax bracket.
JOANNE: -but, you know, that's, you know-
SMITH: Okay.
JOANNE: We're working towards higher things-
SMITH: There you go.
JOANNE: And I'm freelancing on the side.
SMITH: There you go, okay Jennifer, how does -- how does she fare?
OPENSHAW: Joanne's big issue she is that she's trying to go back to school and you'd get a tax credit under Obama of about $4,000. About double Hope tax credit that's out there right now. You'd also get the $500 Making Work Pay and the $500 savers credit if you do.
SMITH: Yeah.
OPENSHAW: And-
SMITH: And the bottom line is?
OPENSHAW: The bottom line is under McCain you save a hundred dollars or so and under Obama $900. $900 is $900.
JOANNE: Is $900.
SMITH: Let's go to Joe Trentacosta. Joe how you doing?
JOE TRENTACOSTA: I'm good, how are you?
SMITH: What do you do?
TRENTACOSTA: Public relations.
SMITH: And what kind of money?
TRENTACOSTA: About a $100,000.
SMITH: Okay, so what's Joe's situation?
OPENSHAW: Well, the bottom line there is he gets the child care tax credit, a thousand dollars Making Work Pay credit. Eventually $4,000 per kid in a college credit. Here's the bottom line for you. Is you would be saving $1,000 under McCain and about $1,300 under Obama so not too much of a difference there.
SMITH: Pretty similar. Alright, last but not least, Joe Enoch. Joe what do you do?
JOE ENOCH: I am a reporter in Washington, D.C. but they just closed my bureau so I'm freelancing in between jobs.
SMITH: Okay, how does Joe fare with his theoretical income?
OPENSHAW: Couple of really interesting -- you're interested in either getting another job or starting a business, obviously. You get the savers credit, some of those other credits, but the interesting thing under Obama is he's offering a $10,000 exemption to withdraw money out of your 401(k) without penalty. The bottom line between the two candidates is under McCain you save $300, under Obama, about a thousand dollars, Joe.
SMITH: Anybody change their minds learning what you learned here this morning? No. Thank you all 'average Joes' for being with us this morning. Thank you very much for helping us out. Do appreciate it.
OPENSHAW: You bet.

Guilt by Association? WSJ Profiles McCain
Family's Slaves

Barack Obama's supporters are whining about any attempt to link their candidate with former Weather Underground bomber William Ayers as "guilt by association" -- even though, as National Review contributor Stanley Kurtz points out, the working relationship between Obama and Ayers can more correctly be described as "guilt by participation." See: online.wsj.com

But Friday's Wall Street Journal treated us to a classic case of guilt by association: a front-page profile of the descendants of slaves owned by John McCain's great-great grandfather before the Civil War. After documenting the poor treatment that the black families (who share the last name "McCain") received over the past century, reporter Douglas Blackmon tags Senator McCain -- whom he placed at the family's former plantation as a young man in the 1940s and 1950s -- as "largely unaware" of the sordid history: "Sen. McCain grew to adulthood largely unaware of his family's ties to slavery. In a statement, he called the abuses of African-Americans in the 20th century 'a dark and tragic chapter in American history' and said that 'cultivating the bond between the two families...is important.'"

October 17 Wall Street Journal story: online.wsj.com

[This item, by the MRC's Rich Noyes, was posted Friday afternoon on the MRC's blog, NewsBusters.org: newsbusters.org ]

Blackmon's narrative focused on Lillie McCain, a psychology professor and great-great granddaughter of two slaves freed from the white McCain family by the civil war. After rolling through the sins of the white McCains and ordeals of the black McCain family â€" including bomb threats and a church burning during the civil rights movement -- Blackmon mentioned at the end of the piece: "Lillie and all of her siblings say they support Sen. Obama for president."

While the piece, "Two Families Named McCain," detailed the impressive journey of the black McCains over five generations from the depths of slavery to a family that can boast of corporate executives, PhDs, and community leaders, it also suggested a degree of guilt on the part of the white McCains for the sins of their ancestors.

With McCain the first presidential candidate to face off against a black opponent in the general election, the raising of his great-great-grandfather's slaveholding history is obviously aimed at attaching the modern-day McCain to the evil that last existed in America seven decades before he was born.

Excerpts:

Lillie McCain is watching the presidential campaign from a singular perspective....Ms. McCain and her siblings are descended from two of about 120 slaves held before the end of the Civil War at Teoc, the Mississippi plantation owned by the family of Republican nominee John McCain's great-great-grandfather.

In a year when the historic nature of Sen. Obama's candidacy is drawing much comment, the case of the Teoc McCains offers another quintessential American narrative in black and white. For the black McCain family, it is a story of triumph over the legacy of slavery; for the white McCains, it is the evolution of a 19th-century cotton dynasty into one rooted in an ethic of military and national service....

Sen. McCain's family lived primarily on military installations around the world. But they remained attached to Teoc, visiting repeatedly during Sen. McCain's childhood, often for long periods. When they went to the farm in the 1940s and 1950s, the future Sen. McCain and his brother stayed in the rambling house, now abandoned, of their great-uncle, Joe McCain, who had become the plantation's owner.

Sen. McCain's younger brother, also named Joe, said that though their father "moved around as the son of a naval officer, he too always thought of Teoc as his 'blood ground' and loved visiting there."

The McCains in the early 20th century were known among African-Americans for relatively equitable treatment of their workers and tenants, especially compared with the abuses happening on many other farms. A visitor to the plantation in 1923 published an account that described "a tradition and a policy of fair dealing between planter and laborer."

"That's how I remember it," said Frank Bryant, 90, a black former Teoc sharecropper.

The 19th century had been a different story for African-Americans in Carroll County. In 1886, after two black men filed a lawsuit against a white man, a white mob rushed the courthouse and murdered more than 20 blacks there, according to court documents and newspaper accounts at the time. They weren't prosecuted.

Earlier still, just after the Civil War, Sen. McCain's ancestors, like many former slave owners, made use of newly passed laws designed to temporarily force some freed slaves back into the control of their former masters. Records in a dusty storage room in the Carroll County courthouse show that in February 1866, Sen. McCain's great-great-grandmother, Louisa McCain, and her brother-in-law Nathaniel filed petitions to take legal custody of three girls under age 15 whom the McCains had owned before emancipation. In court, the girls were identified with the surname "Freedman," a common practice with emancipated slaves.

There is no record of the full circumstances, but thousands of young African-Americans at that time were forced under such claims to return to their onetime masters as apprentices. Those apprentice laws in the South were later struck down....

[By the mid-1900s] the black McCains were emerging among the county's most important leaders. Charles McCain was a central figure in the local chapter of the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People. When civil-rights workers swarmed Mississippi in 1964, the black McCains housed white activists and received bomb threats and harassing calls.

"Daddy didn't want us to roll over and play dead or live as if you are not a person," says Lillie McCain. Her sister Mary McCain Fluker, 53, says their father "would always tell us you are just as good as anybody. 'You are no better than anybody,' he'd tell us, 'but you're just as good as anybody.'"

Civil-rights organizers held secret meetings at the family's church just off the Teoc plantation. The Mississippi Sovereignty Commission, a state agency formed to thwart the civil-rights movement, kept tabs on Mr. McCain, according to commission records. "Daddy was one of the leaders, one of the people out front," says 60-year-old Charles McCain Jr., a retired brick mason and teacher who still lives on the family land.

Lillie McCain remembers seeing Martin Luther King Jr. speak from the back of a flatbed truck in nearby Greenwood. She and her two brothers were arrested at a march in Jackson, Miss., organized by the Student Non-Violent Coordinating Committee, whose leader, Stokely Carmichael, introduced the phrase "black power." Not long after Mr. Carmichael spoke at the McCains' church, it burned down, during a wave of Ku Klux Klan firebombings. The McCain children remember passing its smoking remains on their way to school the next day.

Amid those events, the black McCain children wondered what must be wrong with white people. "I was thinking, 'How can they kill people and they all go to church?'" says Lillie McCain. "I was just baffled by that."

Sen. McCain grew to adulthood largely unaware of his family's ties to slavery. In a statement, he called the abuses of African-Americans in the 20th century "a dark and tragic chapter in American history" and said that "cultivating the bond between the two families...is important."

In the late 1960s, black McCain children were among those who integrated the previously all-white schools in the county seat, Carrollton. In 1969, Lillie McCain was one of the first two African-Americans to graduate from the integrated high school. Four of the six McCain children in her family served in the military and all six earned college degrees....Lillie and all of her siblings say they support Sen. Obama for president.

When George McCain was killed in a traffic accident in 2003, Frank Bryant, the aged former sharecropper, invited to the funeral Bill McCain, the senator's cousin, who owns the remaining 1,500 acres of Teoc plantation and lives nearby. It was the beginning of a modern dialogue between the two families as equals. At the service, Mr. McCain stood in the family section with the black McCains.

END of Excerpt

Nets Played Up Foley Scandal Now Skipping
Tim Mahoney Sex Scandal

Two years ago, ABC's Brian Ross broke wide open the scandal of Republican Rep. Mark Foley sending sexual Internet messages to congressional pages. Foley resigned quickly, but that didn't dampen the story. We reported: "On the ABC, CBS, and NBC morning and evening news programs, from the story's emergence on Friday night, September 29, through Wednesday morning, October 11, the Big Three networks have aired 152 stories." On October 11's Good Morning America, news anchor Christopher Cuomo spoke insistently: "Less than a month before the elections and the Mark Foley scandal just keeps growing." Reporter Jake Tapper added: "This is the scandal that will not go away."

[This item, by the MRC's Tim Graham, was posted Friday afternoon on the MRC's blog, NewsBusters.org: newsbusters.org ]

But what about a scandal that will not be acknowledged? Even when a network breaks the story? On October 13, ABC reporter Brian Ross broke the news on his Blotter blog that Rep. Tim Mahoney, the Democrat who replaced Mark Foley in the House, who ran on returning morality to Congress, "agreed to a $121,000 payment to a former mistress who worked on his staff and was threatening to sue him." The FBI is now investigating. ABC has audio of him yelling at the mistress (with profanities) that she's fired. Mahoney didn't resign. He's running for reelection.

Number of ABC stories on the morning and evening newscasts? Zero. Number of CBS stories? Zero. Number of NBC stories? Zero.

It should be noted that our story count of 152 stories is quite incomplete. It counted only through October 11, 2006 and no one would say the Foley story wasn't covered in the weeks after that. To be fair, while Tim Mahoney was a major beneficiary of the massive media coverage against Foley, he was a minor figure in the TV coverage in 2006, but it's still quite instructional to see his clips playing the moralist against Foley at the time.

From ABC, the October 1, 2006 World News Sunday began with the Foley story, as anchorman Dan Harris aerobically played it up as a national issue:

DAN HARRIS: Good evening. I'm Dan Harris. ABC News has learned the FBI is opening a preliminary investigation into Republican Congressman Mark Foley and the sexually explicit e-mails and messages he sent to teenage boys working as congressional pages. It comes as Republican leaders of the House of Representatives are saying their own handling of this situation might be worthy of a criminal investigation. It is an attempt to contain what is a potentially massive metastasizing scandal just five weeks before Election Day...
LIZ MARLANTES: The top three Republicans in the House have already issued a joint statement calling Foley's behavior 'an obscene breach of trust.' Today, House Speaker Dennis Hastert called on the Attorney General to investigate his own party. Democrats are demanding Republican candidates return money from Foley. They say the scandal raises questions about which party is stronger on family values.
TIM MAHONEY: It looks to me that it was more important to hold on to a seat and to hold on to power than to take care of our children.
MARLANTES: Democrat Tim Mahoney, campaigning this weekend with Senator John Kerry, is in a good position to win Foley's seat. If Republicans can't quell the furor in days to come, the political repercussions could be much broader.

Mahoney's line was even more aggressive on the October 12 Nightline:

CHRIS BURY: In fact, the scandal has moved to the forefront of several House races from suburban Buffalo...
REP. THOMAS REYNOLDS (R-NY): I'm disappointed I didn't catch his lies before. For that, I'm sorry.
BURY: To Ohio. And of course, to Foley's old district in Florida.
TIM MAHONEY: Every generation has a responsibility to turning over to the next generation an America that's more moral.

From CBS, a story airing October 1 on Sunday Morning and the CBS Evening News:

JOIE CHEN: House Speaker Dennis Hastert now admits his office knew about the inappropriate messages a full year ago, but didn't know how lewd they were. Foley's Democratic challenger, Tim Mahoney, yesterday exploited his political windfall.
Mr. TIM MAHONEY : It looks to me that it was more important to hold onto his seat and to hold onto power than to take care of our children.

From NBC, the September 30 Nightly News:

Reporter MARK POTTER: Political analysts say Foley's Democratic opponent, businessman Tim Mahoney, now has a strong chance to win the seat. Today Mahoney made a campaign appearance with Senator John Kerry, chastising Republican leaders who knew earlier about Foley's misdeeds.
TIM MAHONEY: And it looks to me that it was more important to hold on to a seat and to hold on to power than take care of our children.

Enormous disparities in coverage like this -- where one is a national issue with the media demanding the Speaker of the House resign, and the other one can't score a whisper on the air -- display an enormous amount of unprofessional, partisan behavior on the part of the TV network assignment editors. To whatever extent they claim to practice nonpartisan journalism, they are hypocrites of Tim Mahoney's magnitude.

Ex-NBC News Chief Advocates Gumbel for
Meet the Press Moderator

Bryant Gumbel, back to network television news? Catching up with an item from my pending file originally bumped by Barack Obama's Joe Biden announcement, back in August former NBC News President Michael Gartner, who in 1991 made Tim Russert the moderator of Meet the Press, recommended that NBC now resurrect veteran left-winger Gumbel, whom he hailed as "smart" and "quick," and give him the Sunday morning interview program.

In his weekly Friday column at the end of the Olympics ("NBC's Costas golden; Meet the Press next?"), USA Today founder Al Neuharth urged NBC to pick Bob Costas, who hosted the games from Beijing, to replace interim host Tom Brokaw. Below the August 22 column, the paper ran a reaction from Gartner, now principal owner of the Iowa Cubs minor league baseball team: "Bob Costas -- or Bryant Gumbel. Both are smart, quick, and do their homework. Either would excel. But it's not my call -- or Al's."

The news media's reputation is safer because it's not Gartner's call.

Neuharth's August 22 column: blogs.usatoday.com

[This item, by the MRC's Brent Baker, was posted Saturday on the MRC's blog, NewsBusters.org: newsbusters.org ]

Gartner was President of NBC News from 1988 to 1993.

Screen shot [to be added to posted CyberAlert] is from a December 10, 2005 appearance on the late Tim Russert's weekend show on CNBC.

Gumbel, the former co-host of NBC's Today and CBS's Early Show, is now host of HBO's monthly Real Sports news magazine program: www.hbo.com

Richard Lewis: 'Constitution Been Trampled
the Last Eight Years'

10) Another celebrity has used the same tired line that Bush has trampled on the Constitution. This time it was comedian/actor Richard Lewis pontificating on Friday's The View. Calling for Americans to get out and vote, Lewis also blamed "fundamentalists" for America's demise, exclaiming "the Constitution has been trampled the last eight years, period. This is not what this America is supposed to be for" and "it's the fundamentalists that are screwing things up."

Earlier in the show, Joy Behar, bizarrely hypothesized that Republicans are "all blondes," "except for Sarah Palin" (Behar is obviously forgetting Laura Bush). The segment then led the panel to address the rumors that Elisabeth Hasselbeck is leaving The View for Fox News. Hasselbeck denied such rumors, declaring: "I certainly love my ladies here. I'm not going anywhere."

[This item, by the MRC's Justin McCarthy, was posted Friday on the MRC's blog, NewsBusters.org: newsbusters.org ]

Finally, Joy Behar announced she saw the Oliver Stone film, W, and surprise, surprise, she thought it's "fabulous," and added: "It's incredible how close George Bush and Sarah Palin are."

Relevant portions of the October 17 transcript:

JOY BEHAR: You know what? She's a Republican. They're all blondes.
[laughter]
ELISABETH HASSELBECK: They're not. That is not true.
BEHAR: It is. Except for Sarah Palin-
SHERRI SHEPHERD: Sarah Palin has highlights. I noticed she's got a little high lights there.
BEHAR: She'll be blond. If they win, she'll be blonde. Believe me. [laughter] And if she loses, she'll be blonde and have a job on Fox TV because they're all blonde over there. True or not true?
HASSELBECK: That's, that's such a-
BEHAR: Ann Coulter, Laura Ingraham, Elisabeth Hasselbeck.
HASSELBECK: Please don't, please- wait, whoa, whoa, whoa! Please don't put me in the same sentence as Ann Coulter. Thank you very much.
BEHAR: No, she's a Republican though and blonde.
WHOOPI GOLDBERG: And let's clear this up. Are you going anywhere?
HASSELBECK: I'm not going anywhere.
GOLDBERG: Okay, let's just get that out of the way.
[applause]
BEHAR: Oh, the Fox thing? No.
HASSELBECK: I mean, look, I love Fox. I'm staying here.
GOLDBERG: I just wanted to clear that up.
BEHAR: Everybody asks me. People are constantly stopping me. Is Elisabeth leaving and going to Fox? So tell them outright again I am not saying it.
HASSELBECK: I am not leaving The View.
SHEPHERD: You are not leaving.
HASSELBECK: I certainly love my ladies here. I am not going anywhere.
[applause]
GOLDBERG: Just before we go. What did you go to see that was interesting?
BEHAR: I went to see "W," which is an indictment against George W. Bush and you-
GOLDBERG: Was it a good movie?
BEHAR: It's fabulous! [laughter] And it's incredible how close George Bush and Sarah Palin are, just saying.

[...]

RICHARD LEWIS: The Constitution has been trampled the last eight years, period. This is not what this America is supposed to be for. I have friends if they're pregnant and they don't want to have a child, I go "oh God I respect that." It's the reverse. It's the- this country is a reasonably great country, about 85 percent, I'm just making that up. It's the fundamentalists that are screwing this up. I think it's the, I think it's the- the comedy will mean nothing.
GOLDBERG: So it doesn't, you don't think it has any effect.
LEWIS: It's the ten percent of the people that are going to have to say do we want to have the country that the founders wanted or do we want to just screw up this whole amazing idea to have the greatest country in the world? And that's what's going down.

-- Brent Baker

Scare the Shit out of Yourself

2008-09-21T02:47:00.001-07:00

Two charts below. Top one is the "crash" of 1929. The top of the market was on August 30, 1929. Note that we had a big drop followed by a short rally. You will note it was followed by a still stronger rally that lasted through March of 1930. Then the depression started its long fall to the bottom that lasted through December of 1932. Click on each and really scare yourself

The below chart shows the rally before the storm. Really scary shit since most of us have been raised to believe that "The Crash" happened in one day. It did not. It took a while but then we had a total bear in a cave til after WWII (actually 1953).
To get the whole picture together with super analysis and commentary be sure you go to The Big Picture and read all the commentary. Note that by the time FDR had taken office and the New Deal "fixes" started to take hold the damage had been done and there was no saving it. Even better go here, where the writing is crystal clear and read the entire blog entry where you will find many other links and comments.

2008-08-27T09:18:00.000-07:00

Lead Story

Obama’s Ayers problem deepens

By Michelle Malkin • August 27, 2008 09:34 AM

The Chicago bully tactics aren’t going to work. While Obama sics his lawyers and Kossack minions on TV stations that dare to air an independent ad about his close relationship with Weather Underground terrorist-turned-academic Bill Ayers, the truth is seeping out. Thanks to the efforts of NRO’s Stanley Kurtz, blogger Steve Diamond, and intense pressure from Internet readers and talk radio listeners, the University of Illinois - Chicago was forced to release a trove of papers that a former official attempted to shield from public view. There are some 140 boxes and 1,000 files to sift through — and MSM outlets have barely scratched the surface. Kurtz is in Chicago to review the documents and will report tonight on his findings for two hours on Chicago station WGN’s Milt Rosenberg Show. (Good background here, too, in an in-depth discussion on the malign influence of Ayers’ educational philosophy and practice.)

Despite only partial review of the papers, some outlets are pooh-poohing the disclosures. The Chicago Tribune writes: “A partial examination of the documents did not reveal anything startling about the link between Obama, the Democratic presidential contender, and Ayers, a founder of the Weather Underground, a Vietnam-era anti-war group that claimed responsibility for several bombings.”

And yet:

The UIC records show that Obama and Ayers attended board meetings, retreats and at least one news conference together as the education program got under way. The two continued to attend meetings together during the 1995-2001 operation of the program, records show.

At a Democratic debate this year when the association between Obama and Ayers was raised, Obama said: “This is a guy who lives in my neighborhood. . . . He’s not somebody who I exchange ideas from on a regular basis.” Obama called Ayers’ past radical acts detestable.

But critics note that Obama visited Ayers’ home for a meeting at the start of his first state Senate bid in the mid-’90s.

The UIC records showed that Ayers was instrumental in securing the $50 million education grant to reform Chicago Public Schools, part of a national initiative funded by the late Ambassador Walter Annenberg. . After Chicago was awarded the money, Obama served as president of the Challenge’s board of directors, the fiscal arm that disbursed the grants to schools and raised private matching funds. Ayers participated in a second entity known as the Chicago School Reform Collaborative, the operational arm that worked with the grant recipients.

Fox News’s James Rosen uncovered more of Ayers’ unrepentant, radical face while researching his latest book:

William Ayers, who was a founder of the 1960s and 1970s radical group the Weather Underground, told FOX News correspondent James Rosen in a candid 2004 interview that he still believed he was “on the side of justice” years after the group’s wave of attacks.

In the interview, conducted three years after the September 11 attacks, Ayers argued the U.S. government had carried out “many other acts of terror … even recently, that are comparable,” and claimed he and his bomb-planting comrades were “restrained” in their actions.

Ayers, now a professor at the University of Illinois, Chicago, served with Barack Obama on the board of the charitable Woods Fund of Chicago for three years and helped launch Obama’s political career in Illinois by hosting in his Hyde Park home an informal campaign event for the future state senator in 1995.

Ayers claimed the Weathermen were driven by “hope and love,” not despair, and said he did not think the group’s violent acts, targeting federal officials and local law enforcement officers, were “a big deal.”

…Interviewed in May 2004 in connection with Rosen’s book “The Strong Man: John Mitchell and the Secrets of Watergate,” published recently by Doubleday, Ayers affirmed that 9/11 was “an act of pure terror,” one that had caused him to weep, and that terrorism is “always wrong, always evil.” But Ayers also condemned the Bush administration for using the attacks “to advance a right-wing agenda on every front: every uterus must be examined, every tree chopped down, every oil well dug. I mean, it’s absolute madness.”

“I mean, the only group of people that I know who weren’t weeping for the next several weeks [after 9/11] were the people who were busy typing legislation into their computers,” Ayers continued.

When asked about some Palestinians who had been captured on videotape dancing in the streets after the attacks, Ayers said coverage of those individuals had been “overwrought” in the U.S. media, and added: “[E]verybody in the world knows that Americans are geographically challenged and historically challenged. We don’t have a sense of who we are or where we are. So I think every American that I know was weeping over the next several weeks, and devastated and shocked. Was that an act of pure terror? It absolutely was.

“And there are many other acts of terror carried out by our government, even recently, that, that are comparable.

Ayers is not only a flag-trampling apologist for domestic terror. He’s an inveterate liar. Andy McCarthy refreshes your memory.

Obama can wrap himself in the flag and attempt to gag his critics, but his false portrayal of Ayers as just a guy in the neighborhood is not going to fly. Obama’s friend is America’s enemy.

And America deserves to know.

Posted in: Bill Ayers

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Obama’s Temple of Doom

August 27, 2008 12:15 PM by Michelle Malkin

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2008-03-28T09:37:00.001-07:00

Saved for this, stupid

(Babe courtesy of Sports by Brooks)

2007-08-25T06:53:00.000-07:00

B. The Children

The systematic desensitization of each new generation in high crime inner cities starts early on; there, most children are routinely exposed to dogfighting and are forced to accept the inherent violence as normal. The routine exposure of the children to unfettered animal abuse and neglect is a major contributing factor in their later manifestation of social deviance. “In many neighborhoods where gangs are strong, you now have 8-, 9-, 10-year-olds conducting their own dogfights. Or being spectators at the fights people are holding," said Sgt. Steve Brownstein of Chicago’s Animal Abuse Control Team.[52] Indeed, for gangs, dog-fighting is a valuable tool to initiate young members into a culture of violence: “You want to find the perfect way to desensitize a kid so he’ll kill that anonymous gangbanger from three blocks over? Give him a puppy and let him raise it. Then let him kill it. I guarantee that will desensitize that kid.”[53] This early exposure to and participation in dog-fighting is of concern to law enforcement, not only as a child endangerment issue, but also because children that become desensitized to violence become criminalized and perpetuate that cycle of violence.

2007-08-25T06:48:00.000-07:00

The History of Dogfighting

Dogs have been the unwitting victims of exploitation for blood sports since ancient Roman times when they fought against other animals in the Coliseum. The practice of pitting dogs against other animals, such as bulls and bears, continued through medieval times in England until it was outlawed in 1835 by the Parliament in the Humane Act of 1835. Around that time, the Staffordshire Bull terrier was developed and modern dog-fighting was born. The dog was brought to America in 1817 and dogfighting became part of American culture.[7] The “sport” was endorsed by the United Kennel Club, which actually formulated rules and sanctioned referees. Although dogfighting had become illegal in most states by the 1860’s, it continued to flourish as an American pastime through the early twentieth century.[8] It was so popular in fact that in 1881 the Ohio and Mississippi railroads advertised special fares to a dog-fight in Louisville between Lloyd’s Pilot, owned by ‘Cockney Charlie' Lloyd and Crib, owned by Louis Krieger.[9] Public forums such as Kit Burns’ Tavern, “The Sportsman’s Hall” at 273 Water Street in Manhattan, regularly hosted matches[10] and the sadistic culture became immortalized in the annals of American history[11] and folklore.[12] By the 1930’s and 1940’s, the blood sport had been driven further underground as high profile organizations such as the United Kennel Club withdrew their endorsement. Although dogfighting was outlawed in all the states by 1976, it did not begin to receive serious law enforcement attention until recently. By all accounts, dogfighting continues to surreptitiously thrive in America; its prosperity due in large part to the chronic apathy of and denial by the legal system. Today, it is a felony in 48 states as well as the District of Colombia, the Virgin Islands, and Puerto Rico.

2007-01-15T07:53:00.001-08:00

THIS FROM MLK SAYS WHAT HE WAS

Martin Luther King's
Letter from Birmingham Jail

[ N. B. All typographical errors are from the original source and therefore have not been corrected. A PDF version can be found here. ]

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This response to a published statement by eight fellow clergymen from Alabama (Bishop C. C. J. Carpenter, Bishop Joseph A. Durick, Rabbi Hilton L. Grafman, Bishop Paul Hardin, Bishop Holan B. Harmon, the Reverend George M. Murray. the Reverend Edward V. Ramage and the Reverend Earl Stallings) was composed under somewhat constricting circumstance. Begun on the margins of the newspaper in which the statement appeared while I was in jail, the letter was continued on scraps of writing paper supplied by a friendly Negro trusty, and concluded on a pad my attorneys were eventually permitted to leave me. Although the text remains in substance unaltered, I have indulged in the author's prerogative of polishing it for publication.

April 16, 1963

MY DEAR FELLOW CLERGYMEN:

While confined here in the Birmingham city jail, I came across your recent statement calling my present activities "unwise and untimely." Seldom do I pause to answer criticism of my work and ideas. If I sought to answer all the criticisms that cross my desk, my secretaries would have little time for anything other than such correspondence in the course of the day, and I would have no time for constructive work. But since I feel that you are men of genuine good will and that your criticisms are sincerely set forth, I want to try to answer your statements in what I hope will be patient and reasonable terms.

I think I should indicate why I am here In Birmingham, since you have been influenced by the view which argues against "outsiders coming in." I have the honor of serving as president of the Southern Christian Leadership Conference, an organization operating in every southern state, with headquarters in Atlanta, Georgia. We have some eighty-five affiliated organizations across the South, and one of them is the Alabama Christian Movement for Human Rights. Frequently we share staff, educational and financial resources with our affiliates. Several months ago the affiliate here in Birmingham asked us to be on call to engage in a nonviolent direct-action program if such were deemed necessary. We readily consented, and when the hour came we lived up to our promise. So I, along with several members of my staff, am here because I was invited here I am here because I have organizational ties here.

But more basically, I am in Birmingham because injustice is here. Just as the prophets of the eighth century B.C. left their villages and carried their "thus saith the Lord" far beyond the boundaries of their home towns, and just as the Apostle Paul left his village of Tarsus and carried the gospel of Jesus Christ to the far corners of the Greco-Roman world, so am I. compelled to carry the gospel of freedom beyond my own home town. Like Paul, I must constantly respond to the Macedonian call for aid.

Moreover, I am cognizant of the interrelatedness of all communities and states. I cannot sit idly by in Atlanta and not be concerned about what happens in Birmingham. Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly. Never again can we afford to live with the narrow, provincial "outside agitator" idea. Anyone who lives inside the United States can never be considered an outsider anywhere within its bounds.

You deplore the demonstrations taking place In Birmingham. But your statement, I am sorry to say, fails to express a similar concern for the conditions that brought about the demonstrations. I am sure that none of you would want to rest content with the superficial kind of social analysis that deals merely with effects and does not grapple with underlying causes. It is unfortunate that demonstrations are taking place in Birmingham, but it is even more unfortunate that the city's white power structure left the Negro community with no alternative.

In any nonviolent campaign there are four basic steps: collection of the facts to determine whether injustices exist; negotiation; self-purification; and direct action. We have gone through an these steps in Birmingham. There can be no gainsaying the fact that racial injustice engulfs this community. Birmingham is probably the most thoroughly segregated city in the United States. Its ugly record of brutality is widely known. Negroes have experienced grossly unjust treatment in the courts. There have been more unsolved bombings of Negro homes and churches in Birmingham than in any other city in the nation. These are the hard, brutal facts of the case. On the basis of these conditions, Negro leaders sought to negotiate with the city fathers. But the latter consistently refused to engage in good-faith negotiation.

Then, last September, came the opportunity to talk with leaders of Birmingham's economic community. In the course of the negotiations, certain promises were made by the merchants --- for example, to remove the stores humiliating racial signs. On the basis of these promises, the Reverend Fred Shuttlesworth and the leaders of the Alabama Christian Movement for Human Rights agreed to a moratorium on all demonstrations. As the weeks and months went by, we realized that we were the victims of a broken promise. A few signs, briefly removed, returned; the others remained.

As in so many past experiences, our hopes bad been blasted, and the shadow of deep disappointment settled upon us. We had no alternative except to prepare for direct action, whereby we would present our very bodies as a means of laying our case before the conscience of the local and the national community. Mindful of the difficulties involved, we decided to undertake a process of self-purification. We began a series of workshops on nonviolence, and we repeatedly asked ourselves : "Are you able to accept blows without retaliating?" "Are you able to endure the ordeal of jail?" We decided to schedule our direct-action program for the Easter season, realizing that except for Christmas, this is the main shopping period of the year. Knowing that a strong economic with with-drawal program would be the by-product of direct action, we felt that this would be the best time to bring pressure to bear on the merchants for the needed change.

Then it occurred to us that Birmingham's mayoralty election was coming up in March, and we speedily decided to postpone action until after election day. When we discovered that the Commissioner of Public Safety, Eugene "Bull" Connor, had piled up enough votes to be in the run-oat we decided again to postpone action until the day after the run-off so that the demonstrations could not be used to cloud the issues. Like many others, we waited to see Mr. Connor defeated, and to this end we endured postponement after postponement. Having aided in this community need, we felt that our direct-action program could be delayed no longer.

You may well ask: "Why direct action? Why sit-ins, marches and so forth? Isn't negotiation a better path?" You are quite right in calling, for negotiation. Indeed, this is the very purpose of direct action. Nonviolent direct action seeks to create such a crisis and foster such a tension that a community which has constantly refused to negotiate is forced to confront the issue. It seeks so to dramatize the issue that it can no longer be ignored. My citing the creation of tension as part of the work of the nonviolent-resister may sound rather shocking. But I must confess that I am not afraid of the word "tension." I have earnestly opposed violent tension, but there is a type of constructive, nonviolent tension which is necessary for growth. Just as Socrates felt that it was necessary to create a tension in the mind so that individuals could rise from the bondage of myths and half-truths to the unfettered realm of creative analysis and objective appraisal, we must we see the need for nonviolent gadflies to create the kind of tension in society that will help men rise from the dark depths of prejudice and racism to the majestic heights of understanding and brotherhood.

The purpose of our direct-action program is to create a situation so crisis-packed that it will inevitably open the door to negotiation. I therefore concur with you in your call for negotiation. Too long has our beloved Southland been bogged down in a tragic effort to live in monologue rather than dialogue.

One of the basic points in your statement is that the action that I and my associates have taken in Birmingham is untimely. Some have asked: "Why didn't you give the new city administration time to act?" The only answer that I can give to this query is that the new Birmingham administration must be prodded about as much as the outgoing one, before it will act. We are sadly mistaken if we feel that the election of Albert Boutwell as mayor will bring the millennium to Birmingham. While Mr. Boutwell is a much more gentle person than Mr. Connor, they are both segregationists, dedicated to maintenance of the status quo. I have hope that Mr. Boutwell will be reasonable enough to see the futility of massive resistance to desegregation. But he will not see this without pressure from devotees of civil rights. My friends, I must say to you that we have not made a single gain civil rights without determined legal and nonviolent pressure. Lamentably, it is an historical fact that privileged groups seldom give up their privileges voluntarily. Individuals may see the moral light and voluntarily give up their unjust posture; but, as Reinhold Niebuhr has reminded us, groups tend to be more immoral than individuals.

We know through painful experience that freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed. Frankly, I have yet to engage in a direct-action campaign that was "well timed" in the view of those who have not suffered unduly from the disease of segregation. For years now I have heard the word "Wait!" It rings in the ear of every Negro with piercing familiarity. This "Wait" has almost always meant 'Never." We must come to see, with one of our distinguished jurists, that "justice too long delayed is justice denied."

We have waited for more than 340 years for our constitutional and God-given rights. The nations of Asia and Africa are moving with jetlike speed toward gaining political independence, but we stiff creep at horse-and-buggy pace toward gaining a cup of coffee at a lunch counter. Perhaps it is easy for those who have never felt the stinging dark of segregation to say, "Wait." But when you have seen vicious mobs lynch your mothers and fathers at will and drown your sisters and brothers at whim; when you have seen hate-filled policemen curse, kick and even kill your black brothers and sisters; when you see the vast majority of your twenty million Negro brothers smothering in an airtight cage of poverty in the midst of an affluent society; when you suddenly find your tongue twisted and your speech stammering as you seek to explain to your six-year-old daughter why she can't go to the public amusement park that has just been advertised on television, and see tears welling up in her eyes when she is told that Funtown is closed to colored children, and see ominous clouds of inferiority beginning to form in her little mental sky, and see her beginning to distort her personality by developing an unconscious bitterness toward white people; when you have to concoct an answer for a five-year-old son who is asking: "Daddy, why do white people treat colored people so mean?"; when you take a cross-county drive and find it necessary to sleep night after night in the uncomfortable corners of your automobile because no motel will accept you; when you are humiliated day in and day out by nagging signs reading "white" and "colored"; when your first name becomes "nigger," your middle name becomes "boy" (however old you are) and your last name becomes "John," and your wife and mother are never given the respected title "Mrs."; when you are harried by day and haunted by night by the fact that you are a Negro, living constantly at tiptoe stance, never quite knowing what to expect next, and are plagued with inner fears and outer resentments; when you no forever fighting a degenerating sense of "nobodiness" then you will understand why we find it difficult to wait. There comes a time when the cup of endurance runs over, and men are no longer willing to be plunged into the abyss of despair. I hope, sirs, you can understand our legitimate and unavoidable impatience.

You express a great deal of anxiety over our willingness to break laws. This is certainly a legitimate concern. Since we so diligently urge people to obey the Supreme Court's decision of 1954 outlawing segregation in the public schools, at first glance it may seem rather paradoxical for us consciously to break laws. One may won ask: "How can you advocate breaking some laws and obeying others?" The answer lies in the fact that there fire two types of laws: just and unjust. I would be the Brat to advocate obeying just laws. One has not only a legal but a moral responsibility to obey just laws. Conversely, one has a moral responsibility to disobey unjust laws. I would agree with St. Augustine that "an unjust law is no law at all"

Now, what is the difference between the two? How does one determine whether a law is just or unjust? A just law is a man-made code that squares with the moral law or the law of God. An unjust law is a code that is out of harmony with the moral law. To put it in the terms of St. Thomas Aquinas: An unjust law is a human law that is not rooted in eternal law and natural law. Any law that uplifts human personality is just. Any law that degrades human personality is unjust. All segregation statutes are unjust because segregation distort the soul and damages the personality. It gives the segregator a false sense of superiority and the segregated a false sense of inferiority. Segregation, to use the terminology of the Jewish philosopher Martin Buber, substitutes an "I-it" relationship for an "I-thou" relationship and ends up relegating persons to the status of things. Hence segregation is not only politically, economically and sociologically unsound, it is morally wrong and awful. Paul Tillich said that sin is separation. Is not segregation an existential expression 'of man's tragic separation, his awful estrangement, his terrible sinfulness? Thus it is that I can urge men to obey the 1954 decision of the Supreme Court, for it is morally right; and I can urge them to disobey segregation ordinances, for they are morally wrong.

Let us consider a more concrete example of just and unjust laws. An unjust law is a code that a numerical or power majority group compels a minority group to obey but does not make binding on itself. This is difference made legal. By the same token, a just law is a code that a majority compels a minority to follow and that it is willing to follow itself. This is sameness made legal.

Let me give another explanation. A law is unjust if it is inflicted on a minority that, as a result of being denied the right to vote, had no part in enacting or devising the law. Who can say that the legislature of Alabama which set up that state's segregation laws was democratically elected? Throughout Alabama all sorts of devious methods are used to prevent Negroes from becoming registered voters, and there are some counties in which, even though Negroes constitute a majority of the population, not a single Negro is registered. Can any law enacted under such circumstances be considered democratically structured?

Sometimes a law is just on its face and unjust in its application. For instance, I have been arrested on a charge of parading without a permit. Now, there is nothing wrong in having an ordinance which requires a permit for a parade. But such an ordinance becomes unjust when it is used to maintain segregation and to deny citizens the First Amendment privilege of peaceful assembly and protest.

I hope you are able to ace the distinction I am trying to point out. In no sense do I advocate evading or defying the law, as would the rabid segregationist. That would lead to anarchy. One who breaks an unjust law must do so openly, lovingly, and with a willingness to accept the penalty. I submit that an individual who breaks a law that conscience tells him is unjust and who willingly accepts the penalty of imprisonment in order to arouse the conscience of the community over its injustice, is in reality expressing the highest respect for law.

Of course, there is nothing new about this kind of civil disobedience. It was evidenced sublimely in the refusal of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego to obey the laws of Nebuchadnezzar, on the ground that a higher moral law was at stake. It was practiced superbly by the early Christians, who were willing to face hungry lions and the excruciating pain of chopping blocks rather than submit to certain unjust laws of the Roman Empire. To a degree, academic freedom is a reality today because Socrates practiced civil disobedience. In our own nation, the Boston Tea Party represented a massive act of civil disobedience.

We should never forget that everything Adolf Hitler did in Germany was "legal" and everything the Hungarian freedom fighters did in Hungary was "illegal." It was "illegal" to aid and comfort a Jew in Hitler's Germany. Even so, I am sure that, had I lived in Germany at the time, I would have aided and comforted my Jewish brothers. If today I lived in a Communist country where certain principles dear to the Christian faith are suppressed, I would openly advocate disobeying that country's antireligious laws.

I must make two honest confessions to you, my Christian and Jewish brothers. First, I must confess that over the past few years I have been gravely disappointed with the white moderate. I have almost reached the regrettable conclusion that the Negro's great stumbling block in his stride toward freedom is not the White Citizen's Counciler or the Ku Klux Klanner, but the white moderate, who is more devoted to "order" than to justice; who prefers a negative peace which is the absence of tension to a positive peace which is the presence of justice; who constantly says: "I agree with you in the goal you seek, but I cannot agree with your methods of direct action"; who paternalistically believes he can set the timetable for another man's freedom; who lives by a mythical concept of time and who constantly advises the Negro to wait for a "more convenient season." Shallow understanding from people of good will is more frustrating than absolute misunderstanding from people of ill will. Lukewarm acceptance is much more bewildering than outright rejection.

I had hoped that the white moderate would understand that law and order exist for the purpose of establishing justice and that when they fan in this purpose they become the dangerously structured dams that block the flow of social progress. I had hoped that the white moderate would understand that the present tension in the South is a necessary phase of the transition from an obnoxious negative peace, in which the Negro passively accepted his unjust plight, to a substantive and positive peace, in which all men will respect the dignity and worth of human personality. Actually, we who engage in nonviolent direct action are not the creators of tension. We merely bring to the surface the hidden tension that is already alive. We bring it out in the open, where it can be seen and dealt with. Like a boil that can never be cured so long as it is covered up but must be opened with an its ugliness to the natural medicines of air and light, injustice must be exposed, with all the tension its exposure creates, to the light of human conscience and the air of national opinion before it can be cured.

In your statement you assert that our actions, even though peaceful, must be condemned because they precipitate violence. But is this a logical assertion? Isn't this like condemning a robbed man because his possession of money precipitated the evil act of robbery? Isn't this like condemning Socrates because his unswerving commitment to truth and his philosophical inquiries precipitated the act by the misguided populace in which they made him drink hemlock? Isn't this like condemning Jesus because his unique God-consciousness and never-ceasing devotion to God's will precipitated the evil act of crucifixion? We must come to see that, as the federal courts have consistently affirmed, it is wrong to urge an individual to cease his efforts to gain his basic constitutional rights because the quest may precipitate violence. Society must protect the robbed and punish the robber.

I had also hoped that the white moderate would reject the myth concerning time in relation to the struggle for freedom. I have just received a letter from a white brother in Texas. He writes: "An Christians know that the colored people will receive equal rights eventually, but it is possible that you are in too great a religious hurry. It has taken Christianity almost two thousand years to accomplish what it has. The teachings of Christ take time to come to earth." Such an attitude stems from a tragic misconception of time, from the strangely rational notion that there is something in the very flow of time that will inevitably cure all ills. Actually, time itself is neutral; it can be used either destructively or constructively. More and more I feel that the people of ill will have used time much more effectively than have the people of good will. We will have to repent in this generation not merely for the hateful words and actions of the bad people but for the appalling silence of the good people. Human progress never rolls in on wheels of inevitability; it comes through the tireless efforts of men willing to be co-workers with God, and without this 'hard work, time itself becomes an ally of the forces of social stagnation. We must use time creatively, in the knowledge that the time is always ripe to do right. Now is the time to make real the promise of democracy and transform our pending national elegy into a creative psalm of brotherhood. Now is the time to lift our national policy from the quicksand of racial injustice to 6e solid rock of human dignity.

You speak of our activity in Birmingham as extreme. At fist I was rather disappointed that fellow clergymen would see my nonviolent efforts as those of an extremist. I began thinking about the fact that stand in the middle of two opposing forces in the Negro community. One is a force of complacency, made up in part of Negroes who, as a result of long years of oppression, are so drained of self-respect and a sense of "somebodiness" that they have adjusted to segregation; and in part of a few middle class Negroes who, because of a degree of academic and economic security and because in some ways they profit by segregation, have become insensitive to the problems of the masses. The other force is one of bitterness and hatred, and it comes perilously close to advocating violence. It is expressed in the various black nationalist groups that are springing up across the nation, the largest and best-known being Elijah Muhammad's Muslim movement. Nourished by the Negro's frustration over the continued existence of racial discrimination, this movement is made up of people who have lost faith in America, who have absolutely repudiated Christianity, and who have concluded that the white man is an incorrigible "devil."

I have tried to stand between these two forces, saying that we need emulate neither the "do-nothingism" of the complacent nor the hatred and despair of the black nationalist. For there is the more excellent way of love and nonviolent protest. I am grateful to God that, through the influence of the Negro church, the way of nonviolence became an integral part of our struggle.

If this philosophy had not emerged, by now many streets of the South would, I am convinced, be flowing with blood. And I am further convinced that if our white brothers dismiss as "rabble-rousers" and "outside agitators" those of us who employ nonviolent direct action, and if they refuse to support our nonviolent efforts, millions of Negroes will, out of frustration and despair, seek solace and security in black-nationalist ideologies a development that would inevitably lead to a frightening racial nightmare.

Oppressed people cannot remain oppressed forever. The yearning for freedom eventually manifests itself, and that is what has happened to the American Negro. Something within has reminded him of his birthright of freedom, and something without has reminded him that it can be gained. Consciously or unconsciously, he has been caught up by the Zeitgeist, and with his black brothers of Africa and his brown and yellow brothers of Asia, South America and the Caribbean, the United States Negro is moving with a sense of great urgency toward the promised land of racial justice. If one recognizes this vital urge that has engulfed the Negro community, one should readily understand why public demonstrations are taking place. The Negro has many pent-up resentments and latent frustrations, and he must release them. So let him march; let him make prayer pilgrimages to the city hall; let him go on freedom rides-and try to understand why he must do so. If his repressed emotions are not released in nonviolent ways, they will seek expression through violence; this is not a threat but a fact of history. So I have not said to my people: "Get rid of your discontent." Rather, I have tried to say that this normal and healthy discontent can be channeled into the creative outlet of nonviolent direct action. And now this approach is being termed extremist.

But though I was initially disappointed at being categorized as an extremist, as I continued to think about the matter I gradually gained a measure of satisfaction from the label. Was not Jesus an extremist for love: "Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you." Was not Amos an extremist for justice: "Let justice roll down like waters and righteousness like an ever-flowing stream." Was not Paul an extremist for the Christian gospel: "I bear in my body the marks of the Lord Jesus." Was not Martin Luther an extremist: "Here I stand; I cannot do otherwise, so help me God." And John Bunyan: "I will stay in jail to the end of my days before I make a butchery of my conscience." And Abraham Lincoln: "This nation cannot survive half slave and half free." And Thomas Jefferson: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that an men are created equal ..." So the question is not whether we will be extremists, but what kind of extremists we viii be. We we be extremists for hate or for love? Will we be extremist for the preservation of injustice or for the extension of justice? In that dramatic scene on Calvary's hill three men were crucified. We must never forget that all three were crucified for the same crime---the crime of extremism. Two were extremists for immorality, and thus fell below their environment. The other, Jeans Christ, was an extremist for love, truth and goodness, and thereby rose above his environment. Perhaps the South, the nation and the world are in dire need of creative extremists.

I had hoped that the white moderate would see this need. Perhaps I was too optimistic; perhaps I expected too much. I suppose I should have realized that few members of the oppressor race can understand the deep groans and passionate yearnings of the oppressed race, and still fewer have the vision to see that injustice must be rooted out by strong, persistent and determined action. I am thankful, however, that some of our white brothers in the South have grasped the meaning of this social revolution and committed themselves to it. They are still too few in quantity, but they are big in quality. Some-such as Ralph McGill, Lillian Smith, Harry Golden, James McBride Dabbs, Ann Braden and Sarah Patton Boyle---have written about our struggle in eloquent and prophetic terms. Others have marched with us down nameless streets of the South. They have languished in filthy, roach-infested jails, suffering the abuse and brutality of policemen who view them as "dirty nigger lovers." Unlike so many of their moderate brothers and sisters, they have recognized the urgency of the moment and sensed the need for powerful "action" antidotes to combat the disease of segregation.

Let me take note of my other major disappointment. I have been so greatly disappointed with the white church and its leadership. Of course, there are some notable exceptions. I am not unmindful of the fact that each of you has taken some significant stands on this issue. I commend you, Reverend Stallings, for your Christian stand on this past Sunday, in welcoming Negroes to your worship service on a non segregated basis. I commend the Catholic leaders of this state for integrating Spring Hill College several years ago.

But despite these notable exceptions, I must honestly reiterate that I have been disappointed with the church. I do not say this as one of those negative critics who can always find something wrong with the church. I say this as a minister of the gospel, who loves the church; who was nurtured in its bosom; who 'has been sustained by its spiritual blessings and who will remain true to it as long as the cord of Rio shall lengthen.

When I was suddenly catapulted into the leadership of the bus protest in Montgomery, Alabama, a few years ago, I felt we would be supported by the white church felt that the white ministers, priests and rabbis of the South would be among our strongest allies. Instead, some have been outright opponents, refusing to understand the freedom movement and misrepresenting its leader era; an too many others have been more cautious than courageous and have remained silent behind the anesthetizing security of stained-glass windows.

In spite of my shattered dreams, I came to Birmingham with the hope that the white religious leadership of this community would see the justice of our cause and, with deep moral concern, would serve as the channel through which our just grievances could reach the power structure. I had hoped that each of you would understand. But again I have been disappointed.

I have heard numerous southern religious leaders admonish their worshipers to comply with a desegregation decision because it is the law, but I have longed to hear white ministers declare: "Follow this decree because integration is morally right and because the Negro is your brother." In the midst of blatant injustices inflicted upon the Negro, I have watched white churchmen stand on the sideline and mouth pious irrelevancies and sanctimonious trivialities. In the midst of a mighty struggle to rid our nation of racial and economic injustice, I have heard many ministers say: "Those are social issues, with which the gospel has no real concern." And I have watched many churches commit themselves to a completely other worldly religion which makes a strange, on Biblical distinction between body and soul, between the sacred and the secular.

I have traveled the length and breadth of Alabama, Mississippi and all the other southern states. On sweltering summer days and crisp autumn mornings I have looked at the South's beautiful churches with their lofty spires pointing heavenward. I have beheld the impressive outlines of her massive religious-education buildings. Over and over I have found myself asking: "What kind of people worship here? Who is their God? Where were their voices when the lips of Governor Barnett dripped with words of interposition and nullification? Where were they when Governor Walleye gave a clarion call for defiance and hatred? Where were their voices of support when bruised and weary Negro men and women decided to rise from the dark dungeons of complacency to the bright hills of creative protest?"

Yes, these questions are still in my mind. In deep disappointment I have wept over the laxity of the church. But be assured that my tears have been tears of love. There can be no deep disappointment where there is not deep love. Yes, I love the church. How could I do otherwise? l am in the rather unique position of being the son, the grandson and the great-grandson of preachers. Yes, I see the church as the body of Christ. But, oh! How we have blemished and scarred that body through social neglect and through fear of being nonconformists.

There was a time when the church was very powerful in the time when the early Christians rejoiced at being deemed worthy to suffer for what they believed. In those days the church was not merely a thermometer that recorded the ideas and principles of popular opinion; it was a thermostat that transformed the mores of society. Whenever the early Christians entered a town, the people in power became disturbed and immediately sought to convict the Christians for being "disturbers of the peace" and "outside agitators"' But the Christians pressed on, in the conviction that they were "a colony of heaven," called to obey God rather than man. Small in number, they were big in commitment. They were too God intoxicated to be "astronomically intimidated." By their effort and example they brought an end to such ancient evils as infanticide. and gladiatorial contests.

Things are different now. So often the contemporary church is a weak, ineffectual voice with an uncertain sound. So often it is an archdefender of the status quo. Par from being disturbed by the presence of the church, the power structure of the average community is consoled by the church's silent and often even vocal sanction of things as they are.

But the judgment of God is upon the church as never before. If today's church does not recapture the sacrificial spirit of the early church, it vi lose its authenticity, forfeit the loyalty of millions, and be dismissed as an irrelevant social club with no meaning for the twentieth century. Every day I meet young people whose disappointment with the church has turned into outright disgust.

Perhaps I have once again been too optimistic. Is organized religion too inextricably bound to the status quo to save our nation and the world? Perhaps I must turn my faith to the inner spiritual church, the church within the church, as the true ekklesia and the hope of the world. But again I am thankful to God that some noble souls from the ranks of organized religion have broken loose from the paralyzing chains of conformity and joined us as active partners in the struggle for freedom, They have left their secure congregations and walked the streets of Albany, Georgia, with us. They have gone down the highways of the South on tortuous rides for freedom. Yes, they have gone to jai with us. Some have been dismissed from their churches, have lost the support of their bishops and fellow ministers. But they have acted in the faith that right defeated is stronger than evil triumphant. Their witness has been the spiritual salt that has preserved the true meaning of the gospel in these troubled times. They have carved a tunnel of hope through the dark mountain of disappointment.

I hope the church as a whole will meet the challenge of this decisive hour. But even if the church does not come to the aid of justice, I have no despair about the future. I have no fear about the outcome of our struggle in Birmingham, even if our motives are at present misunderstood. We will reach the goal of freedom in Birmingham, ham and all over the nation, because the goal of America k freedom. Abused and scorned though we may be, our destiny is tied up with America's destiny. Before the pilgrims landed at Plymouth, we were here. Before the pen of Jefferson etched the majestic words of the Declaration of Independence across the pages of history, we were here. For more than two centuries our forebears labored in this country without wages; they made cotton king; they built the homes of their masters while suffering gross injustice and shameful humiliation-and yet out of a bottomless vitality they continued to thrive and develop. If the inexpressible cruelties of slavery could not stop us, the opposition we now face will surely fail. We will win our freedom because the sacred heritage of our nation and the eternal will of God are embodied in our echoing demands.

Before closing I feel impelled to mention one other point in your statement that has troubled me profoundly. You warmly commended the Birmingham police force for keeping "order" and "preventing violence." I doubt that you would have so warmly commended the police force if you had seen its dogs sinking their teeth into unarmed, nonviolent Negroes. I doubt that you would so quickly commend the policemen if .you were to observe their ugly and inhumane treatment of Negroes here in the city jail; if you were to watch them push and curse old Negro women and young Negro girls; if you were to see them slap and kick old Negro men and young boys; if you were to observe them, as they did on two occasions, refuse to give us food because we wanted to sing our grace together. I cannot join you in your praise of the Birmingham police department.

It is true that the police have exercised a degree of discipline in handing the demonstrators. In this sense they have conducted themselves rather "nonviolently" in pubic. But for what purpose? To preserve the evil system of segregation. Over the past few years I have consistently preached that nonviolence demands that the means we use must be as pure as the ends we seek. I have tried to make clear that it is wrong to use immoral means to attain moral ends. But now I must affirm that it is just as wrong, or perhaps even more so, to use moral means to preserve immoral ends. Perhaps Mr. Connor and his policemen have been rather nonviolent in public, as was Chief Pritchett in Albany, Georgia but they have used the moral means of nonviolence to maintain the immoral end of racial injustice. As T. S. Eliot has said: "The last temptation is the greatest treason: To do the right deed for the wrong reason."

I wish you had commended the Negro sit-inners and demonstrators of Birmingham for their sublime courage, their willingness to suffer and their amazing discipline in the midst of great provocation. One day the South will recognize its real heroes. They will be the James Merediths, with the noble sense of purpose that enables them to face Jeering, and hostile mobs, and with the agonizing loneliness that characterizes the life of the pioneer. They will be old, oppressed, battered Negro women, symbolized in a seventy-two-year-old woman in Montgomery, Alabama, who rose up with a sense of dignity and with her people decided not to ride segregated buses, and who responded with ungrammatical profundity to one who inquired about her weariness: "My fleets is tired, but my soul is at rest." They will be the young high school and college students, the young ministers of the gospel and a host of their elders, courageously and nonviolently sitting in at lunch counters and willingly going to jail for conscience' sake. One day the South will know that when these disinherited children of God sat down at lunch counters, they were in reality standing up for what is best in the American dream and for the most sacred values in our Judaeo-Christian heritage, thereby bringing our nation back to those great wells of democracy which were dug deep by the founding fathers in their formulation of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence.

Never before have I written so long a letter. I'm afraid it is much too long to take your precious time. I can assure you that it would have been much shorter if I had been writing from a comfortable desk, but what else can one do when he k alone in a narrow jail cell, other than write long letters, think long thoughts and pray long prayers?

If I have said anything in this letter that overstates the truth and indicates an unreasonable impatience, I beg you to forgive me. If I have said anything that understates the truth and indicates my having a patience that allows me to settle for anything less than brotherhood, I beg God to forgive me.

I hope this letter finds you strong in the faith. I also hope that circumstances will soon make it possible for me to meet each of you, not as an integrationist or a civil rights leader but as a fellow clergyman and a Christian brother. Let us all hope that the dark clouds of racial prejudice will soon pass away and the deep fog of misunderstanding will be lifted from our fear-drenched communities, and in some not too distant tomorrow the radiant stars of love and brotherhood will shine over our great nation with all their scintillating beauty.

Yours for the cause of Peace and Brotherhood,

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.

2006-10-28T16:31:00.000-07:00

I thought my life was over. I had been on chemo for almost four months and I was wasting away to nothing. I thought it was all over for me.....AND THEN, IT WAS A MIRACLE. I SEEN A AD IN THE FREE LOVE JOURNAL FOR STEVE'S SUPER SHIT
That boy promised to change my life on two joints per day. I would be saved if I could come up with just $160 per day. Well I borrowed it from my former pimp and four weeks later....I was once again a fat pig that nobody would fuck with a ten foot pole. Thank you Steve, you have made my life worthwhile

SECOND TRIBAL ARTICLE

2006-02-26T03:47:00.000-08:00

At least three-quarters of the Iraqi people are members of one of the country’s 150 tribes. Iraq’s society is very feudalistic, with most of the population identifying him/herself with one tribe. Tribes have become an increasingly important part of Iraqi society. Even those Iraqi citizens without a tribal background often turn to neighborhood shaykhs for representation or assistance with the government.

During the Ottoman period, nomadic tribes formed the bulk of Iraq’s population. Throughout most of Iraq, direct Ottoman control was weak. Loose tribal confederations prevailed, with each tribe acting as a sort of mobile mini-state. In the absence of a strong central authority, the tribal framework fulfilled the primary functions of conflict and resource management. The most important tribal confederations in Iraq included: the Muntafiq, Anaza, Dulaim, Shammar, Zubayd, Ubayd, Bani Lam and Al-bu Muhammed. Tribal origins varied, religious divisions were not always clear-cut, and there was often a fusion between the different groups. Despite the shared religion of Islam and a general feeling of Arabness, Iraqi tribes did not have a sense of common identity.

During the Ottoman period, the Iraqi tribes earned their livelihood from herding animals, trade, raiding, and collecting tribute. A hierarchical system based on the mode of subsistence developed, with the camel-breeding tribes at the top, followed by the sheep-breeders, peasants, and the marsh-dwellers. Where sedentary agriculture prevailed, another hierarchy placed rice-growers on top, followed by vegetable growers, and manual workers. Tribesmen regularly visited towns, both to trade and to visit the holy shrines.

Beginning the mid-19th century, the Ottoman Empire increased its control over Iraqi tribes through settlement policies and land reform measures. The result was an erosion of the sheiks’ traditional source of power and a disintegration of the traditional tribal system. Following World War I and the collapse of the Ottoman Empire, the British decided to unite the three Ottoman provinces of Baghdad, Mosul, and Basra into one nation-state called Iraq (a name borrowed from the medieval past of the region) despite the significant religious, linguistic, ethnic, and tribal divisions running through Iraqi society. British policies restored power to the tribal sheiks, thereby helping to preserve and reinforce Iraq’s tribal structure. At the same time, the British colonial state gradually appropriated former tribal functions like control of land, water distribution, and law enforcement. Nomadic tribes continued to settle in village communities based on extended families or sub-clans.

These communities often retained their tribal names, but they were linked to the agricultural market, rather than the subsistence economy.

Iraqi tribes continued to lose power under both the modernizing monarchy and the republican regime. The republican regime enacted and began to implement agrarian reform. At the same time, a new wave of emigration from countryside to city weakened the remaining tribal units and ties.

Following the 1968 Baathist coup, close family, clan, and tribal ties bound Iraq’s ruling Sunni elite. Most notable in this regard was the emergence of Tikritis Sunni Arabs from the town of Tikrit northwest of Baghdad related to President Ahmad Hasan al Bakr. Saddam Hussein, a key leader behind the scenes, was a Tikriti and a relative of al Bakr. Since the mid-1970s, the Baathist regime’s efforts to overcome Iraqi divisions and bring the various ethnic and religious communities under effective central control have included military campaigns against the Shia and Kurds, social and economic incentives, and the attempted creation of a unifying national ideology.

Sunni-Shia tensions peaked following the 1979 Islamic Revolution in Iran and during the Iran-Iraq War (1980-1988). During this period, the regime also increased its control by relying on tribal loyalties among both Sunni and Shia Arabs. The majority of the current ruling elite come from Saddam Hussein’s Al-bu Nasir tribe and its allies in the Tikrit region. Sunni tribes that closely support the regime include: the Dulaym, Jubbur, Ukaydat, Mulla, Sa’idat, and Shammar. A Shia tribe, al-Ahbab, from the Tikrit region also supports the regime. The regime’s rationale for increasingly relying on the tribes during this period was two-fold. First, tribal Arabs, although they had become settled, were still considered Bedouin, and thus the most genuinely Arab, and the most trustworthy in a war against the Persians. Second, they were believed to have retained tribal values such as communal spirit, honor, and valor.

For the impoverished tribes, military and government service was a respectable and profitable livelihood as well as a vehicle for upward mobility. Saddam Hussein also rewarded the villages of loyal tribesmen by providing roads, electricity, and water systems. Cooperating tribal leaders could rely on the government to provide jobs and perks to their members. In contrast, punishment for uncooperative sheiks ranged from the denial of jobs and perks to death. In the Kurdish regions, a policy of replacing uncooperative chiefs and splitting tribes was the key to the government’s interaction with the rural Kurds during the 1980s. Tribal chiefs appointed by the regime mediated between the government and their communities, and fought against Kurdish nationalists represented by the Kurdish Democratic Party (KDP) and Patriotic Union of Kurdistan (PUK).

Because of a weakened economy and the severely reduced ability of the state to provide social services, many Iraqis increasingly turned to their tribes for support. The renewed alliance between state and tribe created a new symbiosis: the state advances the favored tribes and the favored tribes protect the state. In the late 1980s, this state-tribe alliance became official. The regime has continued to portray tribes as a symbol of patriotism, broadcasting popular forms of tribal war poetry and stressing tribal values. It has facilitated the re-establishment of tribal councils to supervise economic activities, resolve conflicts, and police the region. It also has armed the more loyal tribes throughout the country. The success of the regime’s tribal policy was demonstrated when several Shia tribes remained on the sidelines or supported the regime during the 1991 uprising.

Anyone who is Tikriti is easily understood to be affiliated with the Baath regime and the state. Anyone who had a problem with a Tikriti would not receive proper protection from the state as he would in any other country. Individuals in disagreement with a Tikriti in Iraq certainly face severe retributions, and even death. Alternatively, if one is having a problem with the Barzani family in Northern Iraq or the Halabchei family heading the Islamic Movement, one will be persecuted, regardless of one’s identity or political perspective.

The Iraq government was a family enterprise. It’s run by family members, tribal members, second cousins, their sons, their nephews. It is a tribal system that runs the country and family relations is the most sure to loyalty, in the system and a guarantor of having no coups, no assassinations from with.

Emphasizing the tribal structures as a ruling aspect is quite important as the Iraqi security system is under the umbrella of the National Security Council. The Council was headed by the President and conveneed in the presidential palace. When Saddam Hussein was not there, his son-in-law Ali Hassan Majid took over this function. Lately the ruling family leaders, i.e. Saddam Hussein and his brothers and half-brothers, met and decided that his son Qusay should replace him in all meetings or ceremonies where he is not present due to illness or other reasons. This provision is another indication that the tribal life was firmly incorporated in the daily decision-making process in Iraq. The same applies to the KDP where it has already been decided who is going to replace Massud Barzani, should anything happen to him. They are working on this individual to promote him like a prince.

In a passport one will usually find three names: the name of the person, the name of their father, the name of the grandfather. However, the actual surname, which is the indication of the tribe or region one belongs to, was not written in the passport. The Iraqi government came up with this deliberate policy in order to not identify the area or tribe a person comes from for security reasons. This practice was partly a protection for the individual. If somebody is e.g. called a Tikriti, it is easy to know that they are part of the ruling family which may expose them to particular security risks.

The tribal society brings along some other consequences: individuals are protected, yet at the same time limited by the tribe. This fact is very visible for women and children. Women belong to the family and do not have much right to choose about their own future. Deciding whether to work or not, choosing a profession, choosing their spouses is not in their hands. What is decisive is the family’s approval. If one defects from the existing social structure, it means that one is immoral. Since immorality would ruin the honour of the family, the respective family member should be punished. In Sulaymaniyah one woman’s nose was cut in order to set an example. She was accused of having an immoral relationship which, however, was not proven. After 1990 there were quite a high number of honour crimes in Iraq, which according to Iraqi law were not punishable. If a woman transgressed a social norm, e.g. by being with a man without marriage or eloping from her husband without permission of the family, the tribal law prescribes capital punishment for this behaviour. This punishment is tolerable according to the Iraqi criminal code. It should give the families the right to instruct their children ethically with the methods they choose, be it punishment at home, be it not letting their children attend a specific school. The result is a circle of social relations at home, with the brothers having superiority to the sisters and the father having superiority to the rest of the family. This pattern is reflected at district as well as government level. After the Baath Party came to power in 1968 they were opposed to this tribal society and wanted not only to abolish the tribal names, reflecting the Ottoman style of naming people, but also to do away with these tribal structures altogether. However, the developments in the Middle East were not allowing them to reach their aim.

According to Judith Yaphe, "Baghdad through the 1990s encouraged the reconstruction of clans and tribal extended families where they existed. In other areas, the government al lowed the manufacture of new "tribal" groups based on economic ties or greed. Where the initiative was weak, Baghdad apparently encouraged prominent citizens to take the initiative or permitted non-leading families to manufacture an entity in order to gain power and wealth.... This has created a new symbiosis: the state advances the favored tribes and the favored tribes protect the state. The state benefits from its absorption of the tribes and the tribes use the state to enrich themselves. "

In Northern Iraq the tribal society helps the parties to maintain their power by assigning their own people to specific positions in the government and by using the benefits of this mechanism for themselves or their families. When the KDP took over the rule of Arbil, first they just kept everything in the same order in which they had received it. In time, however, they started to promote Bahdinani people (from the northern regions of Kurdistan) to be assigned to positions in Arbil City, the supposed capital of Kurdistan. This caused some reaction from Arbili people, still they support the KDP position in the government and in Arbil City for reasons of security and further settlement in the administration and society. This phenomenon does not only occur with the KDP. The PUK is also including some tribes, assigning tribe members to specific apparatuses.

The situation in the south is not different. The head of the Supreme Assembly of Islamic Revolution in Iraq, which is the umbrella organization for Shia opposition groups, is Mohammed Bakr al-Hakim. He comes from the al-Hakim family who for centuries have been scholars. His predecessor Mohammed Sadiq al-Sadr, his name deriving from his tribe, was a well-known scholar of Shia Islam, too. He was was assassinated in Najaf in February 1999. These people are known because of the reputation of their tribe. The rise of an individual is quite rare in this kind of society. The routine chain of feudalistic relations continues to exist, making it difficult to ensure life, bread and security under these conditions.

cartoons

2006-02-10T14:46:00.000-08:00

2005-12-10T12:33:00.000-08:00

Iraqis have picked up on American country music, applied it to their own culture and are twanging and picking all over the country. Local bands and local singers sing in Arabic with a country twang probably picked up from Armed Forces Radio. Below are the latest hits according to sources inside Iraq.

The Iraq Top Ten

Sgt. Andrew McGhee of the 411th Engineer Combat Batallion says this is numero uno in his area:

If This is Where Civilization was Born How Come the Beer ain't Cold? -----The Infidel Molesters of Basra

Lt. Shirley Andrews of the 2nd BN, 172nd Armor Rgt. stationed in an undisclosed but "God Dammed Camel filled garbage dump" area says she is hearing this one every time she is in town.

If Mohammad had Seen you Naked Baby, He'd a written a Different book----B.J. binAri and the Bedoin Drifters

Captain Art Marquis of the18th Airborne Corps Artillery stationed in "a different shithole every night," says this one is played everywhere and he's sick of it.... Heard it first in Falluja

I Killed Tortured and Raped but Now the Good Times is Done Gone
----The Palace Dirt Band

Both Sgt. Danny Davis and Corporal Dennis Maldanado of 278th Armored Cavalry REGT report that this one is actually being played on base.

Hello Mullah. Hello Fatwa. Here I am in camp Chilaqua
------Ali bin Sherman (solo)

Anonymous from "fuckin' III Corps which does all the heavy lifting..."

If Allah Didn't Want me to Drink he'd Close the Bars at Noon
----The Prayer Rugs

Colonel Niel Wingnut of The 29th Infantry Brigade swears he first heard this one just outside of Abu Grahib prison.

They Cut my Privates off in Prison but I can Still Bend Over for You
-------The Muslim Gay Men's Chorus

Staff Sgt. Gabe Elmendorf of the 155th Armored BDE currently cooling it in Qatar where plenty of Iraqis come down to peform, says this one is super big

It was Hard to be in Saddam's Prison When I Knowed you was Cheatin' with the Guards
-----Mullah Devine and the Shiftless Peasants

Literally the entire Task Force Olympia (I must have a hundred emails) says that this one is sweeping the desert like wild fire....

Yore Camel Smells Better Than them Stories You bin Tellin'
The Burka Bitches

Three guys from 1st Cavalry Division who are seeking transportation "to Communist China if that's what it takes," heard this one as they were under a truck drinking beer.

I Ain't Got Laid Since My Camel Died
Big Saddam and the Tigress Studs

And lastly Lt. General McComb of The 42nd Infantry Division says that every jerk in his command who has a guitar is playing this one....

Your Cell Phone's Workin' Big Man Why Ain't You?
-----Mosque Sluts

WHEN TURKEYS TAKE OVER

2005-11-26T03:42:00.000-08:00

Oraculations takes great pleasure in presenting here the award winning Thanksgiving short teleplay by Meleagris Gallopavo called:

WHEN TURKEYS TAKE OVER

FADE IN

EXT.WOODS.EARLY MORNING

Two TURKEYS enter the FRAME, each carrying what looks to be a shotgun. TURKEY #2 is also carrying a small cassette player.

TURKEY #1 (Whispering): Jesus Sammy, take it easy. Be quiet or they’ll hear us.

TURKEY #2: I’m trying. I’m not some fuckin’ Indian for Chriss sakes.

PAN as the Turkeys move a little further. Turkey 1 holds up a wing signaling “stop”. Both stop as Turkey 1 maneuvers his wings so as to create an opening in the foliage.

NEW ANGLE. THROUGH FOLIAGE. TURKEY 1's WING VISIBLE HOLDING BACK BRANCHES. We see a cabin in the not too far distance. There is smoke coming from the chiminey. All conversation is in whispers......

NEW ANGLE.BOTH TURKEYS

TURKEY #2: Shit, you think?

TURKEY #1 (Allowing branch to cover opening again. As he turns to Turkey 1) Yeah, I think. Lookit the smoke. We got our selfs at least two, maybe four of the egg suckers.....

OTHER ANGLES.TURKEYS

They quickly ready their weapons. Turkey #2 sets his cassette player down quietly.

TURKEY #2: Shall I play the call?

TURKEY #1: Yeah, do it.

TURKEY #2 PRESSES THE PLAY BUTTON AND WE HEAR QUITE LOUDLY

WOMAN’S VOICE: Oh, God, give it to me, give it to me, I’m dying for some monster sex. Lick me lick me, I’m dying for it.....

INTERCUT With shots of cabin. Nothing is stirring
ANGLE ON TURKEYS. Turkey #1 allows foliage to block cabin. They talk in urgent whispers.

TURKEY #1: You sure about that call?

TURKEY #2: The ads in Man Slaughter Magazine guaranteed results. I’ll play the second one.

Turkey #2 fiddles with player and then pushes the play button. Once again we intercut with shots of the cabin as the player plays:

WOMAN (VOICE): Oh my God, I want it in my face...I want to swallow you whole, you gorgeous man you....

ANGLE ON CABIN as first one and then a second MAN emerge in a rush. Each has an easily seen erection. They are looking around like crazy, both ready to screw.

ANGLE ON TURKEYS as they excitedly point their guns in the general direction of the cabin.

TURKEY ONE: There they are. There they are.

TURKEY TWO: Christ, look at the horn on that first one. It’s huge.

TURKEY ONE: Jesus, must be nine inches at least. He’s mine....

TURKEY TWO: Like shit he is.

Both turkey open fire, pumping at least ten shots in the direction of the men.

ANGLE ON MEN dodging bird shot as they move back toward the cabin which is now showing the signs of gun damage.

MAN #1. What the fuck?

MAN #2. Son of a bitch. That hurt.

BOTH MEN: Stop, stop, it’s mating season for us. Leave us alone.

TURKEY ONE: God dam it the first guy’s prong has shrunk to nothing.

TURKEY TWO: Thing will look like total shit over my fireplace. The other guy still has his....

TURKEY ONE: (Reloading and then firing) Shit. Well, four inches is better than no inches.....

TURKEY TWO: (firing like crazy) Die you bastard....Die.

ANGLE ON TURKEYS as they break from the brush on the dead run brandishing hunting knives. They dash toward the cabin. MAN TWO is staggering as WOMAN’S VOICE continues.

WOMAN VOICE: ....oh God, put it in my mouth, my arm pits, my pussy up to my cervix... I want to be whipped, beaten, raped unmercifully, insulted, and abused. Stomp on me, pee on me, use me as your slave. I want you now.....

OTHER ANGLES. Turkeys approach the MAN on the dead run as he collapses onto the ground. The other MAN is lying in the brush. TURKEY ONE arrives at the body first and cuts off the still erect penis with one stroke of his hunting knife. The MAN cries out as if dying. Then the SECOND MAN runs from the brush toward the woods in back of the house. Both Turkeys open fire but miss.

TURKEY TWO: Dam, I really wanted that one with the big prong. What are we gunna do with this one?

TURKEY ONE: My wife can cut off the head, clean it, stuff it and cook it.

TURKEY TWO: Quite a hunt, huh?

TURKEY ONE: Yeah. Too bad there’s a one man limit....

TURKEYS grab a leg and drag the dead man off toward the bush where the tape recording is still playing the call....

WOMAN’S VOICE:....Oh my God, I want it in my face etc. Fade out WOMAN’S VOICE as scene FADES TO BLACK.

2005-11-18T03:06:00.000-08:00

Truthfully now, who would you rather see on the cover of GQ, Jennifer Anniston naked or this babe with her clothes on????

PART OF STONE'S FIRST TREATMENT TO HIS 9/11 MOVIE

2005-07-11T04:01:00.000-07:00

Satire

Oliver Stone to write, produce, and direct a movie called 9/11. Before you get upset about all this, I managed to get my hands on several pages of Stone's preliminary “treatment” which I reproduce below.

Movie opens with a self satisfied Bush (Dennis Hopper, above left) the usual smirk all over his ugly face, getting off of a plane on his way to a school propaganda photo shoot. Music in background is the old Nazi hymn Horst Wessel Lied. (I want to use the actual music just to piss off the goddam Jews) This is a hell of a tune that could become a number one seller with the right MTV video. Nazis were terrific tunesmiths and it may gall some people to find this out.
Bush crawls into a limo and inside we see Karl Rove, (played by Elton John, left) who places a hand inside the president’s thigh and they lean together and talk. We do not hear what they say but John exposes a file with a picture of an oil well on it. They look at each other and smile seductively. Bush makes a gun with his finger pointed at John and pulls the imaginary trigger.

We see the inside of an airport as two hijackers ( Ben Aflek, Cedric the Entertainer, below) approach the boarding area for a flight to Los Angeles. Cedric places his carry on bag with wires hanging out of it on counter and does part of his nightclub routine for the Boarding Lady who giggles almost uncontrollably. It's important to show that these guys, while involved in some violence, were having the time of their lives. The waiting passengers give him a standing “O”.

We see Bush (Dennis Hopper) enter the school room with Secretary of State, Colin Powell(Mike Tyson, below left, in his screen debut) and start reading to the kids, many of whom obviously hate him as we can see because the tots give him the finger and stick their tongues out at him. Bush has a cop with him (Jackie Chan, who can break a few desks in half) who glares threateningly at the hostile children.

Inside a passenger plane that is in flight. Cedric suddenly pulls a huge bomb out of his bag while Aflek breaks his embrace with sexy stewardess (Ann Coulter, below left) kicks down the door to the pilot’s cabin. Inside we see the pilot (Brad Pitt) with the near naked stewardess (Jennifer Aniston). Aflek goes nuts, shoots the pilot and orders the now topless Anniston to fly the plane. We can intercut tit shots with the plane hitting the tower.

In the Cabin, Cedric does a comedy bit about crashing a plane into a sky scraper and the passengers laugh. We hear a shot from the pilot’s compartment...

Plane crashes into WTC.

We see a bunch of office workers, many wearing Nazi arm bands and they are crying as smoke fills the office. Pictures on walls of Adolph Eichman, Heinrich Himmler, Erwin Rommel and George Bush etc. show us who deserves to die.

Second plane crashes into WTC

Inside school where Bush has just stopped reading to kids. Elton John has entered and is frenching (Hopper) Bush in the ear. Bush stands with tears running down his face. Elton drags him off.

Inside Airforce One. Joining Hopper, Tyson, and John is the warmongering head of the Joint Chiefs (Jack Nicholson, left) who tells Bush to attack every helpless Arab in the Middle East. Elton nods in agreement. "And I wanna see towel head blood turn the sands red," says Nicholson. "I want to see women and children burning in the sand." Bush slowly nods his head. "It's the American thing to do," agrees an obviously sexually aroused Bush.

Then we cut to the heroic city workers who are rescuing the people who have been injured. Lots of shots of brave but exploited workers who risk their lives to save a bunch of Nazis and East European victims of the fire. Several cuts of the ungrateful European free loaders as they are carried to ambulances. Many "victims" are using cell phones to call their brokers and place stock sell orders while being wheeled to ambulances. I can make a deal with Verizon if the victims use their phones.

This is a good spot to put this chick I'm trying to fuck as the lead nurse or ambulance driver. I'll never get into her pants if I don't use her somewhere. If I have to let her say something I can toss in a prayer

2005-05-16T10:24:00.000-07:00

TOP SECRET:

FYO

Subj: Using the Kowran as an instrument of torture.....

Rag heads, camel jockeys, Ayrabs, Burka Bitches, etc., go rabid if their bible, called the Kowran, gets insulted. The purpose of this memorandum is to set forth procedures for pissing these low life needle dicks off by using fresh methods of insulting their book.

These methods should be considered only after the usual methods of urinating on a Kowran for a week or so, defecating on many pages, wiping your ass with pages, having sex with one of the other guards on an open one, and so on. Once this memorandum has been read it is to be destroyed.

1. Using the mangiest mongrel dog you can find (not another Muslim prisoner), you will create a doggy dinner out of the Kowran. The dog will eat the Kowran in front of the prisoner. Suggested recipes include the following: Kowran and chili; Kowran al a mode (that’s with ice cream smeared all over the pages)—add chocolate syrup if you want the dog to really tear into it.

2. Kowran tampons to be used by some of our more slutty guards during that time of the month when the bitches bleed. Be sure you have them insert the pages while the prisoner watches. Women participating will be given ten day passes in Miami.

3. Kowran vibrating dildoes. This worked great in Pakistan; simply wrap a page or two around a vibrator and allow one of our “don’t ask don’t tell faggots” to insert same into his ass and have sex with himself. Fudge packers will be given a ten day pass to Miami.

4. When all else fails allow a pig (not one of our women, an animal pig) to eat a couple of Kowrans in front of the prisoner while some of the guards sing “America the Beautiful,” “Amazing Grace,” or a rousing version of “Just a Closer Walk with Thee.” This was working like a charm at Abu Grahaib before things were turned over to those Politically Correct wimps at the CIA.

Destroy Memo

The Jacksonian Essay

2005-02-01T11:13:00.000-08:00

Some things only mentioned in passing in the essay include remarks on banking. A major issue during Jackson's presidency was his refusal to sanction the recharter of the Bank of the United States. Jackson used one of his dozen vetoes, and the Bank's congressional supporters did not have enough votes to override him. The Bank ceased to exist when its charter expired in 1836, but even before that date the president had weakened it considerably by withdrawing millions of dollars of federal funds. He shifted banking to state banks making money available to everyone. The Meade Essay follows

The Jacksonian tradition and American foreign policy
Walter Russell Mead. The National Interest. Washington: Winter 1999/2000., Iss. 58; pg. 5, 25
Abstract (Document Summary)

Full Text (13336 words)
Copyright National Affairs, Inc. Winter 1999/2000

IN THE LAST five months of World War II, American bombing raids claimed the lives of more than 900,000 Japanese civiliansnot counting the casualties from the atomic strikes against Hiroshima and Nagasaki.1 This is more than twice the total number of combat deaths that the United States has suffered in all its foreign wars combined.2

On one night, that of March 9-10, 1945, 234 Superfortresses dropped 1,167 tons of incendiary bombs over downtown Tokyo; 83,793 Japanese bodies were found in the charred remains-a number greater than the 80,942 combat fatalities that the United States sustained in the Korean and Vietnam Wars combined.

Since the Second World War, the United States has continued to employ devastating force against both civilian and military targets. Out of a pre-war population of 9.49 million, an estimated 1 million North Korean civilians are believed to have died as a result of U.S. actions during the 1950-53 conflict.3 During the same war, 33,870 American soldiers died in combat, meaning that U.S. forces killed approximately thirty North Korean civilians for every American soldier who died in action. The United States dropped almost three times as much explosive tonnage in the Vietnam War as was used in the Second World War, and something on the order of 365,000 Vietnamese civilians are believed to have been killed during the period of American involvement.4

Regardless of Clausewitz's admonition that "casualty reports ... are never accurate, seldom truthful, and in most cases deliberately falsified", these numbers are too striking to ignore. They do not, of course, suggest a moral parallel between the behavior of, say, German and Japanese aggressors and American forces seeking to defeat those aggressors in the shortest possible time. German and Japanese forces used the indiscriminate murder of civilians as a routine police tool in occupied territory, and wholesale massacres of civilians often accompanied German and Japanese advances into new territory. The behavior of the German Einsatzgruppen and of the Japanese army during the Rape of Nanking has no significant parallel on the American side.

In the Cold War, too, the evils the Americans fought were far worse than those they inflicted. Tens of millions more innocent civilians in communist nations were murdered by their own governments in peacetime than ever died as the result of American attempts to halt communism's spread. War, even brutal war, was more merciful than communist rule.

Nevertheless, the American war record should make us think. An observer who thinks of American foreign policy only in terms of the commercial realism of the Hamiltonians, the crusading moralism of Wilsonian transcendentalists, and the supple pacifism of the principled but slippery Jeffersonians would be at a loss to account for American ruthlessness at war.

THOSE WHO prefer to believe that the present global hegemony of the United States emerged through a process of immaculate conception avert their eyes from many distressing moments in the American ascension. Yet students of American power cannot ignore one of the chief elements in American success. The United States over its history has consistently summoned the will and the means to compel its enemies to yield to its demands.

Through the long sweep of American history, there have been many occasions when public opinion, or at least an important part of it, got ahead of politicians in demanding war. Many of the Indian wars were caused less by Indian aggression than by movements of frontier populations willing to provoke and fight wars with Indian tribes that were nominally under Washington's protection-and contrary both to the policy and the wishes of the national government. The War of 1812 came about largely because of a popular movement in the South and Midwest. Abraham Lincoln barely succeeded in preventing a war with Britain over the Trent Affair during the Civil War; public opinion made it difficult for him to find an acceptable, face-saving solution to the problem. More recently, John Kennedy, Lyndon Johnson and Richard Nixon were all haunted by fears that a pullout from the Vietnam War would trigger a popular backlash.

Once wars begin, a significant element of American public opinion supports waging them at the highest possible level of intensity. The devastating tactics of the wars against the Indians, General Sherman's campaign of 1864-65, and the unprecedented aerial bombardments of World War II were all broadly popular in the United States. During both the Korean and Vietnam Wars, presidents came under intense pressure, not only from military leaders but also from public opinion, to hit the enemy with all available force in all available places. Throughout the Cold War the path of least resistance in American politics was generally the more hawkish stance. Politicians who advocated negotiated compromises with the Soviet enemy were labeled appeasers and paid a heavy political price. The Korean and Vietnam Wars lost public support in part because of political decisions not to risk the consequences of all-out war, not necessarily stopping short of the use of nuclear weapons. The most costly decision George Bush took in the Gulf War was not to send ground forces into Iraq, but to stop short of the occupation of Baghdad and the capture and trial of Saddam Hussein.

It is often remarked that the American people are more religious than their allies in Western Europe. But it is equally true that they are more military-minded. Currently, the American people support without complaint what is easily the highest military budget in the world. In 1998 the United States spent as much on defense as its NATO allies, South Korea, Japan, the Persian Gulf states, Russia and China combined.5 In response to widespread public concern about a decline in military preparedness, the Clinton administration and the Republican Congress are planning substantial increases in military spending in the years to come.

Americans do not merely pay for these forces, they use them. Since the end of the Vietnam War, taken by some as opening a new era of reluctance in the exercise of American power, the United States has deployed combat forces in, or used deadly force over, Cambodia, Iran, Grenada, Panama, Lebanon, Libya, Saudi Arabia, Kuwait, Iraq, Turkey, Somalia, Haiti, Bosnia, Sudan, Afghanistan, the South China Sea, Liberia, Macedonia, Albania and Yugoslavia. This is a record that no other country comes close to matching.

It is also generally conceded that, with the exception of a handful of elite units in such forces as the British Army, American troops have a stronger "warrior culture" than do the armies of other wealthy countries. Indeed, of all the NATO countries other than Turkey and Greece, only Great Britain today has anything like the American "war lobby" that becomes active in times of national crisis-a political force that under certain circumstances demands war, supports the decisive use of force, and urges political leaders to stop wasting time with negotiations, sanctions and Security Council meetings in order to attack the enemy with all possible strength.

Why is it that U.S. public opinion is often so quick-though sometimes so slow-to support armed intervention abroad? What are the provocations that energize public opinion (at least some of it) for war-and how, if at all, is this "war lobby" related to the other elements of that opinion? The key to this warlike disposition, and to other important features of American foreign policy, is to be found in what I shall call its Jacksonian tradition, in honor of the sixth president of the United States.

The School of Andrew Jackson

IT IS a tribute to the general historical amnesia about American politics between the War of 1812 and the Civil War that Andrew Jackson is not more widely counted among the greatest of American presidents. Victor in the Battle of New Orleans-perhaps the most decisive battle in the shaping of the modern world between Trafalgar and Stalingrad-Andrew Jackson laid the foundation of American politics for most of the nineteenth century, and his influence is still felt today. With the ever ready help of the brilliant Martin Van Buren, he took American politics from the era of silk stockings into the smoke-filled room. Every political party since his presidency has drawn on the symbolism, the institutions and the instruments of power that Jackson pioneered.

More than that, he brought the American people into the political arena. Restricted state franchises with high property qualifications meant that in 1820 many American states had higher property qualifications for voters than did boroughs for the British House of Commons. With Jackson's presidency, universal male suffrage became the basis of American politics and political values.

His political movement-or, more accurately, the community of political feeling that he wielded into an instrument of power-remains in many ways the most important in American politics. Solidly Democratic through the Truman administration (a tradition commemorated in the annual Jefferson-Jackson Day dinners that are still the high points on Democratic Party calendars in many cities and states), Jacksonian America shifted toward the Republican Party under Richard Nixon-the most important political change in American life since the Second World War. The future of Jacksonian political allegiance will be one of the keys to the politics of the twenty-first century.

Suspicious of untrammeled federal power (Waco), skeptical about the prospects for domestic and foreign do-gooding (welfare at home, foreign aid abroad), opposed to federal taxes but obstinately fond of federal programs seen as primarily helping the middle class (Social Security and Medicare, mortgage interest subsidies), jacksonians constitute a large political interest.

In some ways Jacksonians resemble the Jeffersonians, with whom their political fortunes were linked for so many decades. Like Jeffersonians, Jacksonians are profoundly suspicious of elites. They generally prefer a loose federal structure with as much power as possible retained by states and local governments. But the differences between the two movements run very deep-so deep that during the Cold War they were on dead opposite sides of most important foreign policy questions. To use the language of the Vietnam era, a time when Jeffersonians and Jacksonians were fighting in the streets over foreign policy, the former were the most dovish current in mainstream political thought during the Cold War, while the latter were the most consistently hawkish.

One way to grasp the difference between the two schools is to see that both Jeffersonians and Jacksonians are civil libertarians, passionately attached to the Constitution and especially to the Bill of Rights, and deeply concerned to preserve the liberties of ordinary Americans. But while the Jeffersonians are most profoundly devoted to the First Amendment, protecting the freedom of speech and prohibiting a federal establishment of religion, Jacksonians see the Second Amendment, the right to bear arms, as the citadel of liberty. Jeffersonians join the American Civil Liberties Union; Jacksonians join the National Rifle Association. In so doing, both are convinced that they are standing at the barricades of freedom.

For foreigners and for some Americans, the Jacksonian tradition is the least impressive in American politics. It is the most deplored abroad, the most denounced at home. Jacksonian chairs of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee are the despair of high-minded people everywhere, as they hold up adhesion to the Kyoto Protocol, starve the UN and the IMF, cut foreign aid, and ban the use of U.S. funds for population control programs abroad. When spokesmen for other schools of thought speak about the "problems" of American foreign policy, the persistence and power of the Jacksonian school are high on their list. While some of this fashionable despair may be overdone, and is perhaps a reflection of different class interests and values, it is true that Jacksonians often figure as the most obstructionist of the schools, as the least likely to support Wilsonian initiatives for a better world, to understand Jeffersonian calls for patient diplomacy in difficult situations, or to accept Hamiltonian trade strategies. Yet without jacksonians, the United States would be a much weaker power.

A principal explanation of why Jacksonian politics are so poorly understood is that Jacksonianism is less an intellectual or political movement than an expression of the social, cultural and religious values of a large portion of the American public. And it is doubly obscure because it happens to be rooted in one of the portions of the public least represented in the media and the professoriat. Jacksonian America is a folk community with a strong sense of common values and common destiny; though periodically led by intellectually brilliant men-like Andrew Jackson himself-it is neither an ideology nor a self-conscious movement with a clear historical direction or political table of organization. Nevertheless, Jacksonian America has produced-and looks set to continue to produce-one political leader and movement after another, and it is likely to continue to enjoy major influence over both foreign and domestic policy in the United States for the foreseeable future.

The Evolution of a Community

IT IS NOT fashionable today to think of the American nation as a folk community bound together by deep cultural and ethnic ties. Believers in a multicultural America attack this idea from one direction, but conservatives too have a tendency to talk about the United States as a nation based on ideology rather than ethnicity. Former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher, among others, has said that the United States is unlike other nations because it is based on an idea rather than on a community of national experience. The continuing and growing vitality of the Jacksonian tradition is, for better or worse, living proof that she is at least partly wrong.
Illustration
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The Man Himself

If Jeffersonianism is the book-ideology of the United States, Jacksonian populism is its folk-ideology. Historically, American populism has been based less on the ideas of the Enlightenment than on the community values and sense of identity among the British colonizers who first settled this country In particular, as David Hackett Fischer has shown, Jacksonian populism can be originally identified with a subgroup among these settlers, the so-called "Scots-Irish", who settled the back country regions of the Carolinas and Virginia, and who went on to settle much of the Old West-West Virginia, Kentucky, parts of Indiana and Illinois-and the southern and south central states of Tennessee, Missouri, Alabama, Mississippi and Texas. Jacksonian populism today has moved beyond its original ethnic and geographical limits. Like country music, another product of Jacksonian culture, Jacksonian politics and folk feeling has become a basic element in American consciousness that can be found from one end of the country to the other.

The Scots-Irish were a hardy and warlike people, with a culture and outlook formed by centuries of bitter warfare before they came to the United States. Fischer shows how, trapped on the frontiers between England and Scotland, or planted as Protestant colonies in the hostile soil of Ireland, this culture was shaped through centuries of constant, bloody war. The Revolutionary struggle and generations of savage frontier conflict in the United States reproduced these conditions in the New World; the Civil War-fought with particular ferocity in the border states-renewed the cultural heritage of war.

The role of what we are calling Jacksonian America in nineteenth-century America is clear, but many twentieth-century observers made what once seemed the reasonable assumption that Jacksonian values and politics were dying out. These observers were both surprised and discomfited when Ronald Reagan's political success showed that Jacksonian America had done more than survive; it was, and is, thriving.

What has happened is that Jacksonian culture, values and self-identification have spread beyond their original ethnic limits. In the 1920s and 1930s the highland, border tradition in American life was widely thought to be dying out, ethnically, culturally and politically. Part of this was the economic and demographic collapse of the traditional home of Jacksonian America: the family farm. At the same time, mass immigration from southern and Eastern Europe tilted the ethnic balance of the American population ever farther from its colonial mix. New England Yankees were a vanishing species, limited to the hills of New Hampshire and Vermont, while the cities and plains of Connecticut, Massachusetts and Rhode Island filled with Irishmen, Italians, Portuguese and Greeks. The great cities of the United States were increasingly filled with Catholics, members of the Orthodox churches and Jews-all professing in one way or another communitarian social values very much at odds with the individualism of traditional Anglo-Saxon and Anglo-Celtic culture.

As Hiram W Evans, the surprisingly articulate Imperial Wizard of the Ku Klux Klan, wrote in 1926, the old stock American of his time had become

a stranger in large parts of the land his fathers gave him. Moreover, he is a most unwelcome stranger, one much spit upon, and one to whom even the right to have his own opinions and to work for his own interests is now denied with jeers and revilings. 'We must Americanize the Americans,' a distinguished immigrant said recently. Protestantism itself was losing its edge. The modernist critique of traditional Biblical readings found acceptance in one mainline denomination after another; Episcopal, Presbyterian, Methodist and Lutheran seminaries accepted critical, post-Darwinian readings of Scripture; selfdescribed "fundamentalists" fought a slow, but apparently losing, rearguard action against the modernist forces. The new mainline Protestantism was a tolerant, even a namby-pamby, religion.

The old nativist spirit, anti-immigrant, anti-modern art and apparently anti-twentieth century, still had some bite-Ku Klux crosses flamed across the Midwest as well as the South during the 1920s-but it all looked like the death throes of an outdated idea. There weren't many mourners: much of H.L. Mencken's career was based on exposing the limitations and mocking the death of what we are calling Jacksonian America.

Most progressive, right thinking intellectuals in mid-century America believed that the future of American populism lay in a social democratic movement based on urban immigrants. Social activists like Woody Guthrie and Pete Seeger consciously sought to use cultural forms like folk songs to ease the transition from the old individualistic folk world to the collective new one that they believed was the wave of the future; they celebrated unions and other strange, European ideas in down home country twangs so that, in the bitter words of Hiram Evans, "There is a steady flood of alien ideas being spread over the country, always carefully disguised as American."

WHAT CAME next surprised almost everyone. The tables turned,and Evans' Americans "americanized" the immigrants rather than the other way around. In what is still a largely unheralded triumph of the melting pot, Northern immigrants gradually assimilated the values of Jacksonian individualism. Each generation of new Americans was less "social" and more individualistic than the preceding one. American Catholics, once among the world's most orthodox, remained Catholic in religious allegiance but were increasingly individualistic in terms of psychology and behavior ("I respect the Pope, but I have to follow my own conscience"). Ties to the countries of emigration steadily weakened, and the tendency to marry outside the group strengthened.

Outwardly, most immigrant groups completed an apparent assimilation to American material culture within a couple of generations of their arrival. A second type of assimilation-an inward assimilation to and adaptation of the core cultural and psychological structure of the native population-took longer, but as third, fourth and fifth-generation immigrant families were exposed to the economic and social realities of American life, they were increasingly "americanized" on the inside as well as without.

This immense and complex process was accelerated by social changes that took place after 1945. Physically, the old neighborhoods broke up, and the Northern industrial working class, along with the refugees from the dying American family farm, moved into the suburbs to form a new populist mix. As increasing numbers of the descendants of immigrants moved into the Jacksonian Sunbelt, the pace of assimilation grew. The suburban homeowner with his or her federally subsidized mortgage replaced the homesteading farmer (on free federal land) as the central pillar of American populism. Richard Nixon, with his twopronged appeal to white Southerners and the "Joe Six-pack" voters of the North, was the first national politician to recognize the power of this newly energized current in American life.

Urban, immigrant America may have softened some of the rough edges of Jacksonian America, but the descendants of the great wave of European immigration sound more like Andrew Jackson from decade to decade. Rugged frontier individualism has proven to be contagious; each successive generation has been more Jacksonian than its predecessor. The social and economic solidarity rooted in European peasant communities has been overmastered by the individualism of the frontier. The descendants of European working-class Marxists now quote Adam Smith; Joe Six-pack thinks of the welfare state as an expensive burden, not part of the natural moral order. Intellectuals have made this transition as thoroughly as anyone else. The children and grandchildren of trade unionists and Trotskyites now talk about the importance of liberal society and free markets; in the intellectual pilgrimage of Irving Kristol, what is usually a multigenerational process has been compressed into a single, brilliant career.

The new Jacksonianism is no longer rural and exclusively nativist. Frontier jacksonianism may have taken the homesteading farmer and the log cabin as its emblems, but today's Crabgrass Jacksonianism sees the homeowner on his modest suburban lawn as the hero of the American story. The Crabgrass Jacksonian may wear green on St. Patrick's Day; he or she might go to a Catholic Church and never listen to country music (though, increasingly, he or she probably does); but the Crabgrass Jacksonian doesn't just believe, she knows that she is as good an American as anybody else, that she is entitled to her rights from Church and State, that she pulls her own weight and expects others to do the same. That homeowner will be heard from: Ronald Reagan owed much of his popularity and success to his ability to connect with Jacksonian values. Ross Perot and Pat Buchanan in different ways have managed to tap into the power of the populist energy that Old Hickory rode into the White House. In both domestic and foreign policy, the twentyfirst century will be profoundly influenced by the values and concerns of Jacksonian America.

The Jacksonian Code TO UNDERSTAND how Crabgrass Jacksonianism is shaping and will continue to shape American foreign policy, we must begin with another unfashionable concept: Honor. Although few Americans today use this anachronistic word, honor remains a core value for tens of millions of middleclass Americans, women as well as men. The unacknowledged code of honor that shapes so much of American behavior and aspiration today is a recognizable descendent of the frontier codes of honor of early Jacksonian America. The appeal of this code is one of the reasons that Jacksonian values have spread to so many people outside the original ethnic and social nexus in which Jacksonian America was formed.

The first principle of this code is selfreliance. Real Americans, many Americans feel, are people who make their own way in the world. They may get a helping hand from friends and family, but they hold their places in the world through honest work. They don't slide by on welfare, and they don't rely on inherited wealth or connections. Those who won't work and are therefore poor, or those who don't need to work due to family money, are viewed with suspicion. Those who meet the economic and moral tests belong to the broad Middle Class, the folk community of working people that Jacksonians believe to be the heart, soul and spine of the American nation. Earning and keeping a place in this community on the basis of honest work is the first principle of Jacksonian honor, and it remains a serious insult even to imply that a member of the American middle class is not pulling his or her weight in the world.

Jacksonian honor must be acknowledged by the outside world. One is entitled to, and demands, the appropriate respect: recognition of rights and just claims, acknowledgment of one's personal dignity. Many Americans will still fight, sometimes with weapons, when they feel they have not been treated with the proper respect. But even among the less violent, Americans stand on their dignity and rights. Respect is also due age. Those who know Jacksonian America only through its very inexact representations in the media think of the United States as a youthobsessed, age-neglecting society. In fact, Jacksonian America honors age. Andrew Jackson was sixty-one when he was elected president for the first time; Ronald Reagan was seventy. Most movie stars lose their appeal with age; those whose appeal stems from their ability to portray and embody Jacksonian values-like John Wayne--only become more revered.

The second principle of the code is equality. Among those members of the folk community who do pull their weight, there is an absolute equality of dignity and right. No one has a right to tell the self-reliant Jacksonian what to say, do or think. Any infringement on equality will be met with defiance and resistance. Male or female, the Jacksonian is, and insists on remaining, independent of church, state, social hierarchy, political parties and labor unions. Jacksonians may choose to accept the authority of a leader or movement or faith, but will never yield to an imposed authority@ The young are independent of the old: "free, white and twenty-one" is an old Jacksonian expression; the color line has softened, but otherwise the sentiment is as true as it ever was.

Mrs. Fanny Trollope (mother of novelist Anthony Trollope) had the misfortune to leave her native Britain to spend two years in the United States. Next to her revulsion at the twin American habits of chewing tobacco in public places and missing spittoons with the finished product, she most despised the passion for equality she found everywhere she looked. "The theory of equality", Mrs. Trollope observed,

may be very daintily discussed by English gentlemen in a London dining-room, when the servant, having placed a fresh bottle of cool wine on the table, respectfully shuts the door, and leaves them to their walnuts and their wisdom; but it will be found less palatable when it presents itself in the shape of a hard, greasy paw, and is claimed in accents that breathe less of freedom than of onions and whiskey. Strong, indeed, must be the love of equality in an English breast if it can survive a tour through the Union.6

The third principle is individualism. The Jacksonian does not just have the right to self-fulfillment-he or she has a duty to seek it. In Jacksonian America, everyone must find his or her way: each individual must choose a faith, or no faith, and code of conduct based on conscience and reason. The Jacksonian feels perfectly free to strike off in an entirely new religious direction. "I sincerely believe", wrote poor Mrs. Trollope, "that if a fireworshiper, or an Indian Brahmin, were to come to the United States, prepared to preach and pray in English, he would not be long without a 'very respectable congregation."' She didn't know the half of it.

Despite this individualism, the Jacksonian code also mandates acceptance of certain social mores and principles. Loyalty to family, raising children "right", sexual decency (heterosexual monogamy@ which can be serial) and honesty within the community are virtues that commend themselves to the Jacksonian spirit. Children of both sexes can be wild, but both women and men must be strong. Corporal punishment is customary and common; Jacksonians find objections to this time-honored and (they feel) effective method of discipline outlandish and absurd. Although women should be more discreet, both sexes can sow wild oats before marriage. After it, to enjoy the esteem of their community a couple must be seen to put their children's welfare ahead of personal gratification.

The fourth pillar in the Jacksonian honor code struck Mrs. Trollope and others as more dishonorable than honorable, yet it persists nevertheless. Let us call it financial esprit. While the Jacksonian believes in hard work, he or she also believes that credit is a right and that money, especially borrowed money, is less a sacred trust than a means for self-discovery and expression. Although previous generations lacked the faculties for consumer credit that Americans enjoy at the end of the twentieth century, many Americans have always assumed that they have a right to spend money on their appearance, on purchases that affirm their status. The strict Jacksonian code of honor does not enjoin what others see as financial probity. What it demands, rather, is a daring and entrepreneurial spirit. Credit is seen less as an obligation than as an opportunity. Jacksonians have always supported loose monetary policy and looser bankruptcy laws.

Finally, courage is the crowning and indispensable part of the code. Jacksonians must be ready to defend their honor in great things and small. Americans ought to stick up for what they believe. In the nineteenth century, Jacksonian Americans fought duels long after aristocrats in Europe had given them up, and Americans today remain far more likely than Europeans to settle personal quarrels with extreme and even deadly violence.

Jacksonian America's love affair with weapons is, of course, the despair of the rest of the country. Jacksonian culture values firearms, and the freedom to own and use them. The right to bear arms is a mark of civic and social equality, and knowing how to care for firearms is an important part of life. Jacksonians are armed for defense: of the home and person against robbers; against usurpations of the federal government; and of the United States against its enemies. In one war after another, Jacksonians have flocked to the colors. Independent and difficult to discipline, they have nevertheless demonstrated magnificent fighting qualities in every corner of the world. Jacksonian America views military service as a sacred duty. When Hamiltonians, Wilsonians and Jeffersonians dodged the draft in Vietnam or purchased exemptions and substitutes in earlier wars, Jacksonians soldiered on, if sometimes bitterly and resentfully. An honorable person is ready to kill or to die for family and flag. JACKSONIAN society draws an important distinction between those who belong to the folk community and those who do not. Within that community, among those bound by the code and capable of discharging their responsibilities under it, Jacksonians are united in a social compact. Outside that compact is chaos and darkness. The criminal who commits what, in the Jacksonian code, constitute unforgivable sins (coldblooded murder, rape, the murder or sexual abuse of a child, murder or attempted murder of a peace officer) can justly be killed by the victims' families, colleagues or by society at large-with or without the formalities of law. In many parts of the United States, juries will not convict police on almost any charge, nor will they condemn revenge killers in particularly outrageous cases. The right of the citizen to defend family and property with deadly force is a sacred one as well, a legacy from colonial and frontier times.

The absolute and even brutal distinction drawn between the members of the community and outsiders has had massive implications in American life. Throughout most of American history the Jacksonian community was one from which many Americans were automatically and absolutely excluded: Indians, Mexicans, Asians, African Americans, obvious sexual deviants and recent immigrants of non-Protestant heritage have all felt the sting. Historically, the law has been helpless to protect such people against economic oppression, social discrimination and mob violence, including widespread lynchings. Legislators would not enact laws, and if they did, sheriffs would not arrest, prosecutors would not try, juries would not convict.

This tells us something very important: throughout most of American history and to a large extent even today, equal rights emerge from and depend on this popular culture of equality and honor rather than flow out of abstract principles or written documents. The many social and legal disabilities still suffered in practice by unpopular minorities demonstrate that the courts and the statute books still enjoy only a limited ability to protect equal rights in the teeth of popular feeling and culture.

Even so, Jacksonian values play a major role in African-American culture. If anything, that role has increased with the expanded presence of African Americans in all military ranks. The often blighted social landscape of the inner city has in some cases re-created the atmosphere and practices of American frontier life. In many ways the gang culture of some inner cities resembles the social atmosphere of the Jacksonian South, as well as the hard drinking, womanizing, violent male culture of the Mississippi in the days of Davy Crockett and Mark Twain. Bragging about one's physical and sexual prowess, the willingness to avenge disrespect with deadly force, a touchy insistence that one is as good as anybody else: once over his shock at the urban landscape and the racial issue, Billy the Kid would find himself surprisingly at home in such an environment.

The degree to which AfricanAmerican society resembles Jacksonian culture remains one of the crucial and largely overlooked elements in American life. Despite historical experiences that would have completely alienated many ethnic minorities around the world, American black popular culture remains profoundly-and, in times of danger, fiercely-patriotic. From the Revolution onward, African Americans have sought more to participate in America's wars than to abstain from them, and the strength of personal and military honor codes in African-American culture today remains a critical factor in assuring the continued strength of American military forces into the twenty-first century.

The underlying cultural unity between African Americans and AngloJacksonian America shaped the course and ensured the success of the modern civil rights movement. Martin Luther King and his followers exhibited exemplary personal courage, their rhetoric was deeply rooted in Protestant Christianity, and the rights they asked for were precisely those that Jacksonian America values most for itself Further, they scrupulously avoided the violent tactics that would have triggered an unstoppable Jacksonian response.

Although cultures change slowly and many individuals lag behind, the bulk of American Jacksonian opinion has increasingly moved to recognize the right of code-honoring members of minority groups to receive the rights and protections due to members of the folk community. This new and, one hopes, growing feeling of respect and tolerance emphatically does not extend to those, minorities or not, who are not seen as code-honoring Americans. Those who violate or reject the code-criminals, irresponsible parents, drug addicts-have not benefited from the softening of the Jacksonian color line.

The Politics of the Culture

JACKSONIAN foreign policy is related to Jacksonian values and goals in domestic policy. For Jacksonians, the prime goal of the American people is not the commercial and industrial policy sought by Hamiltonians, nor the administrative excellence in support of moral values that Wilsonians seek, nor Jeffersonian liberty. Jacksonians believe that the government should do everything in its power to promote the well-being-political, moral, economic-of the folk community. Any means are permissible in the service of this end, as long as they do not violate the moral feelings or infringe on the freedoms that Jacksonians believe are essential in their daily lives.

Jacksonians are instinctively democratic and populist. Hamiltonians mistrust democracy; Wilsonians don't approve of the political rough and tumble. And while Jeffersonians support democracy in principle, they remain concerned that tyrannical majorities can overrule minority rights. Jacksonians believe that the political and moral instincts of the American people are sound and can be trusted, and that the simpler and more direct the process of government is, the better will be the results. In general, while the other schools welcome the representative character of our democracy, Jacksonians tend to see representative rather than direct institutions as necessary evils, and to believe that governments breed corruption and inefficiency the way picnics breed ants. Every administration will be corrupt; every Congress and legislature will be, to some extent, the plaything of lobbyists. Career politicians are inherently untrustworthy; if it spends its life buzzing around the outhouse, it's probably a fly. Jacksonians see corruption as human nature and, within certain ill-defined boundaries of reason and moderation, an inevitable by-product of government.

It is perversion rather than corruption that most troubles Jacksonians: the possibility that the powers of government will be turned from the natural and proper object of supporting the well-being of the majority toward oppressing the majority in the service of an economic or cultural elite-or, worse still, in the interests of powerful foreigners. Instead of trying, however ineptly, to serve the people, have the politicians turned the government against the people? Are they serving large commercial interests with malicious designs on the common good? Are they either by ineptitude or wickedness serving hostile foreign interests-giving all our industrial markets to the Japanese, or allowing communists to steal our secrets and hand them to the Chinese? Are they fecklessly frittering away huge sums of money on worthless foreign aid programs that transfer billions to corrupt foreign dictators? Jacksonians tolerate a certain amount of government perversion, but when it becomes unbearable, they look to a popular hero to restore government to its proper functions. It was in this capacity that Andrew Jackson was elected to the presidency, and the role has since been reprised by any number of politicians on both the local and the national stages. Recent decades have seen Ronald Reagan master the role, and George Wallace, Ross Perot, Jesse Ventura and Pat Buchanan auditioning for it. The Jacksonian hero dares to say what the people feel and defies the entrenched elites. "I welcome their hatred", said the aristocratic Franklin Roosevelt, in his role of tribune of the people. The hero may make mistakes, but he will command the unswerving loyalty of Jacksonian America so long as his heart is perceived to be in the right place.

When it comes to Big Government, Jeffersonians worry more about the military than about anything else. But for Jacksonians, spending money on the military is one of the best things government can do. Yes, the Pentagon is inefficient and contractors are stealing the government blind. But by definition the work that the Defense Department doesdefending the nation-is a service to the Jacksonian middle class. Yes, the Pentagon should spend its money more carefully, but let us not throw the baby out with the bath water. Stories about welfare abusers in limousines and foreign aid swindles generate more anger among Jacksonians than do stories of $600 hammers at the Pentagon.

The profoundly populist world-view of Jacksonian Americans contributes to one of the most important elements in their politics: the belief that while problems are complicated, solutions are simple. False idols are many; the True God is One. Jacksonians believe that Gordian Knots are there to be cut. In public controversies, the side that is always giving you reasons why something can't be done, and is endlessly telling you that the popular view isn't sufficiently "sophisticated" or "nuanced"-that is the side that doesn't want you to know what it is doing, and it is not to be trusted. If politicians have honest intentions, they will tell you straight up what they plan to do. If it's a good idea, you will like it as soon as they explain the whole package. For most of the other schools, "complex" is a positive term when applied either to policies or to situations; for Jacksonians it is a negative. Ronald Reagan brilliantly exploited this. As in the case of Andrew Jackson himself, Reagan's own intuitive approach to the world led him to beliefs and policies that appealed to Jacksonian opinion right from the start.

Instinct, Not Ideology

THOSE WHO LIKE to cast American foreign policy as an unhealthy mix of ignorance, isolationism and trigger-happy cowboy diplomacy are often thinking about the Jacksonian populist tradition. That tradition is stronger among the mass of ordinary people than it is among the elite. It is more strongly entrenched in the heartland than on either of the two coasts. It has been historically associated with white Protestant males of the lower and middle classes-today the least fashionable element in the American political mix.

Although there are many learned and thoughtful Jacksonians, including those who have made distinguished careers in public service, it is certainly true that the Jacksonian philosophy is embraced by many people who know very little about the wider world. With them it is an instinct rather than an ideology-a culturally shaped set of beliefs and emotions rather than a set of ideas. But ideas and policy proposals that resonate with Jacksonian core values and instincts enjoy wide support and can usually find influential supporters in the policy process.

So influential is Jacksonian opinion in the formation of American foreign policy that anyone lacking a feel for it will find much of American foreign policy baffling and opaque. Foreigners in particular have alternately overestimated and underestimated American determination because they failed to grasp the structure of Jacksonian opinion and influence. Yet Jacksonian views on foreign affairs are relatively straightforward, and once they are understood, American foreign policy becomes much less mysterious.

To begin with, although the other schools often congratulate themselves on their superior sophistication and appreciation for complexity, Jacksonianism provides the basis in American life for what many scholars and practitioners would consider the most sophisticated of all approaches to foreign affairs: realism. In this it stands with Jeffersonianism, while being deeply suspicious of the "global meliorist" elements found, in different forms, in both Wilsonian and Hamiltonian foreign policy ideas. Often, Jeffersonians and Jacksonians will stand together in opposition to humanitarian interventions, or interventions made in support of Wilsonian or Hamiltonian world order initiatives. However, while Jeffersonians espouse a minimalist realism under which the United States seeks to define its interests as narrowly as possible and to defend those interests with an absolute minimum of force, Jacksonians approach foreign policy in a very different spiritone in which honor, concern for reputation, and faith in military institutions play a much greater role.

Jacksonian realism is based on the very sharp distinction in popular feeling between the inside of the folk community and the dark world without. Jacksonian patriotism is not a doctrine but an emotion, like love of one's family. The nation is an extension of the family. Members of the American folk are bound together by history, culture and a common morality. At a very basic level, a feeling of kinship exists among Americans: we have one set of rules for dealing with each other and a very different set for the outside world. Unlike Wilsonians, who hope ultimately to convert the Hobbesian world of international relations into a Lockean political community, Jacksonians believe that it is natural and inevitable that national politics and national life will work on different principles from international affairs. For jacksonians, the world community Wilsonians want to build is not merely a moral impossibility but a monstrosity. An American foreign policy that, for example, takes tax money from middle-class Americans to give to a corrupt and incompetent dictatorship overseas is nonsense; it hurts Americans and does little for Borrioboola-Gha. Countries, like families, should take care of their own; if everybody did that we would all be better off. Charity, meanwhile, should be left to private initiatives and private funds; Jacksonian America is not ungenerous but it lacks all confidence in the government's ability to administer charity, either at home or abroad.

Given the moral gap between the folk community and the rest of the worldand given that other countries are believed to have patriotic and communal feelings of their own, feelings that similarly harden once the boundary of the folk community is reached-Jacksonians believe that international life is and will remain both anarchic and violent. The United States must be vigilant and strongly armed. Our diplomacy must be cunning, forceful and no more scrupulous than anybody else's. At times, we must fight pre-emptive wars. There is absolutely nothing wrong with subverting foreign governments or assassinating foreign leaders whose bad intentions are clear. Thus, Jacksonians are more likely to tax political leaders with a failure to employ vigorous measures than to worry about the niceties of international law.

Indeed, of all the major currents in American society, Jacksonians have the least regard for international law and international institutions. They prefer the rule of custom to the written law, and that is as true in the international sphere as it is in personal relations at home. Jacksonians believe that there is an honor code in international life-as there was in clan warfare in the borderlands of England-and those who five by the code will be treated under it. But those who violate the code-who commit terrorist acts in peacetime, for example-forfeit its protection and deserve no consideration.

Many students of American foreign policy, both here and abroad, dismiss Jacksonians as ignorant isolationists and vulgar patriots, but, again, the reality is more complex, and their approach to the world and to war is more closely grounded in classical realism than many recognize. Jacksonians do not believe that the United States must have an unambiguously moral reason for fighting. In fact, they tend to separate the issues of morality and war more clearly than many members of the foreign policy establishment.

The Gulf War was a popular war in Jacksonian circles because the defense of the nation's oil supply struck a chord with Jacksonian opinion. That opinion-which has not forgotten the oil shortages and price hikes of the 1970s--clearly considers stability of the oil supply a vital national interest and is prepared to fight to defend it. The atrocity propaganda about alleged Iraqi barbarisms in Kuwait did not inspire Jacksonians to war, and neither did legalistic arguments about U.S. obligations under the UN Charter to defend a member state from aggression. Those are useful arguments to screw Wilsonian courage to the sticking place, but they mean little for Jacksonians. Had there been no UN Charter and had Kuwait been even more corrupt and repressive that it is, Jacksonian opinion would still have supported the Gulf War. It would have supported a full-scale war with Iran over the 1980 hostage crisis, and it will take an equally hawkish stance toward any future threat to perceived U.S. interests in the Persian Gulf region.

In the absence of a clearly defined threat to the national interest, Jacksonian opinion is much less aggressive. It has not, for example, been enthusiastic about the U.S. intervention in the case of Bosnia. There the evidence of unspeakable atrocities was much greater than in Kuwait, and the legal case for intervention was as strong. Yet Jacksonian opinion saw no threat to the interests, as it understood them, of the United States, and Wilsonians were the only segment of the population that was actively eager for war.

In World War I it took the Zimmermann Telegram and the repeated sinking of American ships to convince Jacksonian opinion that war was necessary. In World War II, neither the Rape of Nanking nor the atrocities of Nazi rule in Europe drew the United States into the war. The attack on Pearl Harbor did.

To engage Jacksonians in support of the Cold War it was necessary to convince them that Moscow was engaged in a far-reaching and systematic campaign for world domination, and that this campaign would succeed unless the United States engaged in a long-term defensive effort with the help of allies around the world. That involved a certain overstatement of both Soviet intentions and capabilities, but that is beside the present point. Once Jacksonian opinion was convinced that the Soviet threat was real and that the Cold War was necessary, it stayed convinced. Populist American opinion accepted the burdens it imposed and worried only that the government would fail to prosecute the Cold War with the necessary vigor. No one should mistake the importance of this strong and constant support. Despite the frequent complaints by commentators and policymakers that the American people are "isolationist" and "uninterested in foreign affairs", they have made and will make enormous financial and personal sacrifices if convinced that these are in the nation's vital interests.

This mass popular patriotism, and the martial spirit behind it, gives the United States immense advantages in international affairs. After two world wars, no European nation has shown the same willingness to pay the price in blood and treasure for a global presence. Most of the "developed" nations find it difficult to maintain large, high-quality fighting forces. Not all of the martial patriotism in the United States comes out of the world of Jacksonian populism, but without that tradition, the United States would be hard pressed to maintain the kind of international military presence it now has.

Pessimism WHILE in many respects Jacksonian Americans have an optimistic outlook, there is a large and important sense in which they are pessimistic. Whatever the theological views of individual Jacksonians may be, Jacksonian culture believes in Original Sin and does not accept the Enlightenment's belief in the perfectibility of human nature. As a corollary, Jacksonians are pre-millennialist: they do not believe that utopia is just around the corner. In fact, they tend to believe the reverse-the anti-Christ will get here before Jesus does, and human history will end in catastrophe and flames, followed by the Day of Judgment.

This is no idle theological concept. Belief in the approach of the "End Times" and the "Great Tribulation"-concepts rooted in certain interpretations of Jewish and Christian prophetic texts-has been a powerful force in American life from colonial times. Jacksonians believe that neither Wilsonians nor Hamiltonians nor anybody else will ever succeed in building a peaceful world order, and that the only world order we are likely to get will be a bad one. No matter how much money we ship overseas, and no matter how cleverly the development bureaucrats spend it, it will not create peace on earth. Plans for universal disarmament and world courts of justice founder on the same rock of historical skepticism. Jacksonians just tend not to believe that any of these things will do much good.

In fact, they think they may do harm. Linked to the skepticism about man-made imitations of the Kingdom of God is a deep apprehension about the rise of an evil world order. In theological terms, this is a reference to the fear of the antiChrist, who, many commentators affirm, is predicted in Scripture to come with the appearance of an angel of light-a charismatic political figure who offers what looks like a plan for world peace and order, but which is actually a Satanic snare intended to deceive.

For most of its history, Jacksonian America believed that the Roman Catholic Church was the chief emissary of Satan on earth, a belief that had accompanied the first Americans on their journey from Britain. Fear of Catholicism gradually subsided, but during the Cold War the Kremlin replaced the Vatican as the center for American popular fears about the forces of evil in the world. The international communist conspiracy captured the old stock American popular imagination because it fit cultural templates established in the days of the Long Parliament and the English Civil War. Descendants of immigrants from Eastern Europe had their own cultural dispositions toward conspiracy thinking, plus, in many cases, a deep hatred and fear of Russia.

The fear of a ruthless, formidable enemy abroad who enjoys a powerful fifth column in the United States-including high-ranking officials who serve it either for greed or out of misguided ideological zeal-is older than the Republic. During the Cold War, this "paranoid tradition" in American life stayed mostly focused on the Kremlin-though organizations like the John Birch Society saw ominous links between the Kremlin and the American Establishment. The paranoid streak was, if anything, helpful in sustaining popular support for Cold War strategy. After the Cold War, it is proving more difficult to integrate into effective American policy. To some degree, the chief object of popular concern in post-Cold War America is the Hamiltonian dream of a fully integrated global economy, combined with the Wilsonian dream of global political order that ends the nightmare of warring nation-states. George Bush's call for a "New World Order" had, a distinctly Orwellian connotation to the Jacksonian ear. Christian Coalition founder Pat Robertson, in his book The New World Order (1991), traces the call for that Order to a Satanic conspiracy consciously implemented by the pillars of the American Establishment.

The fear that the Establishment, linked to its counterpart in Britain and, through Britain, to all the corrupt movements and elites of the Old World, is relentlessly plotting to destroy American liberty is an old but still potent one. The Trilateral Commission, the Council on Foreign Relations, the Bilderbergers, the Bavarian Illuminati, the Rothschilds, the Rockefellers: these names and others echo through a large and shadowy world of conspiracy theories and class resentment. Should seriously bad economic times come, there is always the potential that, with effective leadership, the paranoid element in the Jacksonian world could ride popular anger and panic into power. Honor

ANOTHER aspect of Jacksonian foreign policy is the aforementioned deep sense of national honor and a corresponding need to live up to-in actuality and in the eyes of others-the demands of an honor code. The political importance of this code should not be underestimated; Americans are capable of going to war over issues of national honor. The War of 1812 is an example of Jacksonian sentiment forcing a war out of resentment over continual national humiliations at the hand of Britain. (Those who suffered directly from British interference with American shipping, the merchants, were totally against the war.) At the end of the twentieth century, it is national honor, more than any vital strategic interest, that would require the United States to fulfill its promises to protect Taiwan from invasion.

The perception of national honor as a vital interest has always been a wedge issue driving Jacksonians and Jeffersonians apart. The Jeffersonian peace policy in the Napoleonic Wars became impossible as the War Hawks grew stronger. The same pattern recurred in the Carter administration, during which gathering Jacksonian fury and impatience at Carter's Jeffersonian approaches to the Soviet Union, Panama, Iran and Nicaragua ignited a reaction that forced the President to reverse his basic policy orientation and ended by driving him from office. What Jeffersonian diplomacy welcomes as measures to head off war often look to Jacksonians like pusillanimous weakness.

Once the United States extends a security guarantee or makes a promise, we are required to honor that promise come what may. Jacksonian opinion, which in the nature of things had little faith that South Vietnam could build democracy or that there was anything concrete there of interest to the average American, was steadfast in support of the war-though not of the strategy-because we had given our word to defend South Vietnam. During this year's war in Kosovo, Jacksonian opinion was resolutely against it to begin with. However, once U.S. honor was engaged, Jacksonians began to urge a stronger warfighting strategy including the use of ground troops. It is a bad thing to fight an unnecessary war, but it is inexcusable and dishonorable to lose one once it has begun.

Reputation is as important in international life as it is to the individual honor of jacksonians. Honor in the Jacksonian imagination is not simply what one feels oneself to be on the inside; it is also a question of the respect and dignity one commands in the world at large. Jacksonian opinion is sympathetic to the idea that our reputationwhether for fair dealing or cheating, toughness or weakness-will shape the way that others treat us. Therefore, at stake in a given crisis is not simply whether we satisfy our own ideas of what is due our honor. Our behavior and the resolution that we obtain must enhance our reputation-our prestige-in the world at large.

Warfighting

JACKSONIAN America has clear ideas about how wars should be fought, how enemies should be treated, and what should happen when the wars are over. It recognizes two kinds of enemies and two kinds of fighting: honorable enemies fight a clean fight and are entitled to be opposed in the same way; dishonorable enemies fight dirty wars and in that case all rules are off.

An honorable enemy is one who declares war before beginning combat; fights according to recognized rules of war, honoring such traditions as the flag of truce; treats civilians in occupied territory with due consideration; and-a crucial point-refrains from the mistreatment of prisoners of war. Those who surrender should be treated with generosity. Adversaries who honor the code will benefit from its protections, while those who want a dirty fight will get one.

This pattern was very clearly illustrated in the Civil War. The Army of the Potomac and the Army of Northern Virginia faced one another throughout the war, and fought some of the bloodiest battles of the nineteenth century, including long bouts of trench warfare. Yet Robert E. Lee and his men were permitted an honorable surrender and returned unmolested to their homes with their horses and personal side arms. One Confederate, however, was executed after the war: Captain Henry Wirz, who was convicted of mistreating Union prisoners of war at Camp Sumter, Georgia.

Although American Indians often won respect for their extraordinary personal courage, Jacksonian opinion generally considered Indians to be dishonorable opponents. American-Indian warrior codes (also honor based) permitted surprise attacks on civilians and the torture of prisoners of war. This was all part of a complex system of limited warfare among the tribal nations, but Jacksonian frontier dwellers were not students of multicultural diversity. In their view, Indian war tactics were the sign of a dishonorable, unscrupulous and cowardly form of war. Anger at such tactics led Jacksonians to abandon the restraints imposed by their own war codes, and the ugly skirmishes along the frontier spiraled into a series of genocidal conflicts in which each side felt the other was violating every standard of humane conduct.

The Japanese, another people with a highly developed war code based on personal honor, had the misfortune to create the same kind of impression on American Jacksonians. The sneak attack on Pearl Harbor, the gross mistreatment of American POWs (the Bataan Death March), and Japanese fighting tactics all served to enrage American Jacksonians and led them to see the Pacific enemy as ruthless, dishonorable and inhuman. All contributed to the vitriolic intensity of combat in the Pacific theater. By the summer of 1945, American popular opinion was fully prepared to countenance invasion of the Japanese home islands, even if they were defended with the tenacity (and indifference to civilian lives) that marked the fighting on Okinawa.

Given this background, the Americans who decided to use the atomic bomb may have been correct that the use of the weapon saved lives, and not only of American soldiers. In any case, Jacksonians had no compunction about using the bomb. General Curtis LeMay (subsequently the 1968 running mate of Jacksonian populist third-party candidate George Wallace) succinctly summed up this attitude toward fighting a dishonorable opponent: "I'll tell you what war is about", said Lemay in an interview, "You've got to kill people, and when you've killed enough they stop fighting.117

By contrast, although the Germans committed bestial crimes against civilians and POWs (especially Soviet POWs), their behavior toward the armed forces of the United States was more in accordance with American ideas about military honor. Indeed, General Erwin Rommel is considered something of a military hero among American jacksonians: an honorable enemy. Still, if the Germans avoided exposure to the utmost fury of an aroused American people at war, they were nevertheless subjected to the full, ferocious scope of the violence that a fully aroused American public opinion will sustainand even insist upon.

For the first Jacksonian rule of war is that wars must be fought with all available force. The use of limited force is deeply repugnant. Jacksonians see war as a switch that is either "on" or "off." They do not like the idea of violence on a dimmer switch. Either the stakes are important enough to fight for-in which case you should fight with everything you haveor they are not, in which case you should mind your own business and stay home. To engage in a limited war is one of the costliest political decisions an American president can make-neither Truman nor Johnson survived it.

The second key concept in Jacksonian thought about war is that the strategic and tactical objective of American forces is to impose our will on the enemy with as few American casualties as possible. The Jacksonian code of military honor does not turn war into sport. It is a deadly and earnest business. This is not the chivalry of a medieval joust, or of the orderly battlefields of eighteenth-century Europe. One does not take risks with soldiers' lives to give a "fair fight." Some sectors of opinion in the United States and abroad were both shocked and appalled during the Gulf and Kosovo wars over the way in which American forces attacked the enemy from the air without engaging in much ground combat. The "turkey shoot" quality of the closing moments of the war against Iraq created a particularly painful impression. Jacksonians dismiss such thoughts out of hand. It is the obvious duty of American leaders to crush the forces arrayed against us as quickly, thoroughly and professionally as possible.

Jacksonian opinion takes a broad view of the permissible targets in war. Again reflecting a very old cultural heritage, Jacksonians believe that the enemy's will to fight is a legitimate target of war, even if this involves American forces in attacks on civilian lives, establishments and property. The colonial wars, the Revolution and the Indian wars all give ample evidence of this view, and General William Tecumseh Sherman's March to the Sea showed the degree to which the targeting of civilian morale through systematic violence and destruction could, to widespread popular applause, become an acknowledged warfighting strategy, even when fighting one's own rebellious kindred.

Probably as a result of frontier warfare, Jacksonian opinion came to believe that it was breaking the spirit of the enemy nation, rather than the fighting power of the enemy's armies, that was the chief object of warfare. It was not enough to defeat a tribe in battle; one had to "pacify" the tribe, to convince it utterly that resistance was and always would be futile and destructive. For this to happen, the war had to go to the enemy's home. The villages had to be burned, food supplies destroyed, civilians had to be killed. From the tiniest child to the most revered of the elderly sages, everyone in the enemy nation had to understand that further armed resistance to the will of the American people-whatever that might be-was simply not an option.

With the development of air power and, later, of nuclear weapons, this longstanding cultural acceptance of civilian targeting assumed new importance. Wilsonians and Jeffersonians protested even at the time against the deliberate terror bombing of civilian targets in the Second World War. Since 1945 there has been much agonized review of the American decision to use atomic bombs against Hiroshima and Nagasaki. None of this hand wringing has made the slightest impression on the Jacksonian view that the bombings were self-evidently justified and right. During both the Vietnam and Korean conflicts, there were serious proposals in Jacksonian quarters to use nuclear weapons-why else have them? The only reason Jacksonian opinion has ever accepted not to use nuclear weapons is the prospect of retaliation.

Jacksonians also have strong ideas about how wars should end. "There is no substitute for victory", as General MacArthur said, and the only sure sign of victory is the "unconditional surrender" of enemy forces. Just as Jacksonian opinion resents limits on American weapons and tactics, it also resents stopping short of victory. Unconditional surrender is not always a literal and absolute demand. The Confederate surrenders in 1865 included generous provisions for the losing armies. The Japanese were assured after the Potsdam Declaration that, while the United States insisted on unconditional surrender and acceptance of the terms, they could keep the "emperor system" after the war. However, there is only so much give in the idea: all resistance must cease; U.S. forces must make an unopposed entry into and occupation of the surrendering country; the political objectives of the war must be conceded in toto.

When in the later stages of World War 11 the Joint Chiefs of Staff discussed the prospect of an invasion of Kyushu, the southernmost of the major Japanese home islands, Admiral William Leahy projected 268,000 Americans would be killed or wounded out of an invasion force of 766,000.8 The invasion of the chief island of Honshu, tentatively planned for the spring of 1946, would have been significantly worse. While projected casualty figures like these led a number of American officials to argue for modification of the unconditional surrender formula, Secretary of State James M. Byrnes told Truman that he would be "crucified" if he retreated from this formula-one that received a standing ovation when Truman repeated it to Congress in his first address as president. Truman agreed-wisely. His efforts to wage limited war in Korea cost him re-election in 1952. Similarly, Lyndon Johnson's inability to fight unlimited war for unconditional surrender in Vietnam cost him the presidency in 1968; Jimmy Carter's inability to resolve the Iranian hostage crisis with a clear-cut victory destroyed any hope he had of winning the 1980 election; and George Bush's refusal to insist on an unconditional surrender in Iraq may have contributed to his defeat in the 1992 presidential election. For American presidents, MacArthur is right: there is no substitute for victory.

In Victory, Magnanimity

ONCE THE enemy has made an unconditional surrender, the honor code demands that he be treated magnanimously. Grant fed Lee's men from his army supplies, while Sherman's initial agreement with General Johnston was so generous that it was overruled in Washington. American occupation troops in both Germany and Japan very quickly lost their rancor against the defeated foes. Not always disinterestedly, GIs in Europe were passing out chocolate bars, cigarettes and nylon stockings before the guns fell silent. The bitter racial antagonism that colored the Pacific War rapidly faded after it. Neither in Japan nor in Germany did American occupiers behave like the Soviet occupation forces in eastern Germany, where looting, rape and murder were still widespread months after the surrender.

In both Germany and Japan, the United States had originally envisioned a harsh occupation strategy with masses of war crimes trials and strict economic controls-somewhat akin to the original Radical Republican program in the postCivil War South. But in all three cases, the victorious Americans quickly lost the appetite for vengeance against all but the most egregious offenders against the code. Whatever was said in the heat of battle, even the most Radical Reconstructionists envisioned the South's ultimate return to its old political status and rights. In the same way, soon after the shooting stopped in World War 11, American public opinion simply assumed that the ultimate goal was for Germany and Japan to resume their places in the community of nations.

Not everybody qualifies for such lenient treatment under the code. In particular, repeat offenders will suffer increasingly severe penalties. Although many Americans were revolted by the harsh and greedy peace forced on Mexico (Grant felt that the Civil War was in part God's punishment for American crimes against Mexico), Santa Anna's long record of perfidy and cruelty built popular support both for the Mexican War and the peace. The pattern of frontier warfare, in which factions in a particular tribe might renew hostilities in violation of an agreement, helped solidify the Jacksonian belief that there was no point in making or keeping treaties with "savages."

In the international conflicts of the twentieth century, it is noteworthy that there have been no major populist backlashes calling for harsher treatment of defeated enemies. But when foreign enemies lack the good taste to surrender, Jacksonian opinion carries grudges that last for decades. Some of the roots of anti-China feeling in the United States today date back to mistreatment of American prisoners during the Korean War. U.S. food and energy aid to North Korea, indeed any engagement at all with that defiant regime, remains profoundly unpopular for the same reason. The mullahs of Iran, the assassins of Libya and Fidel Castro have never been forgiven by Jacksonian opinion for their crimes against and defiance of the United States. Neither will they be, until they acknowledge their sins.

In the case of the Cold War, the failure of the Soviet Union to make a formal surrender, or for the conflict to end in any way that could be marked as VUSSR Day, has greatly complicated American policy toward post-Cold War Russia. The Soviet Union lost the Cold War absolutely and unconditionally, and Russia has suffered economic and social devastation comparable to that sustained by any losing power in the great wars of the century. But because it never surrendered, Jacksonian opinion never quite shifted into magnanimity mode. Wilsonians, Hamiltonians and Jeffersonians all favored reconstruction support and aid; but without Jacksonian concurrence the American effort was sharply limited. Advice was doled out with a free and generous hand, but aid was extended more grudgingly.

This is far from a complete account of Jacksonian values and beliefs as they affect the United States. In economic as well as defense policy, for example, Jacksonian ideas are both influential and unique. Convinced that the prime purpose of government is to defend the living standards of the middle class, Jacksonian opinion is instinctively protectionist, seeking trade privileges for U.S. goods abroad and hoping to withhold those privileges from foreign exports. Jacksonians were once farmers; today they tend to be service and industrial workers. They see the preservation of American jobs, even at the cost of some unspecified degree of "economic efficiency", as the natural and obvious task of the federal government's trade policy. Jacksonians can be convinced that a particular trade agreement operates to the benefit of American workers, but they need to be convinced over and over again. They are also skeptical, on both cultural and economic grounds, of the benefits of immigration, which is seen as endangering the cohesion of the folk community and introducing new, low-wage competition for jobs. Neither result strikes Jacksonian opinion as a suitable outcome for a desirable government policy.

The Indispensable Element

JACKSONIAN influence in American history has been-and remains-enormous. The United State cannot wage a major international war without Jacksonian support; once engaged, politicians cannot safely end the war except on Jacksonian terms. From the perspective of members of other schools and many foreign observers, when Jacksonian sentiment favors a given course of action, the United States will move too far, too fast and too unilaterally in pursuit of its goals. When Jacksonian sentiment is strongly opposed, the United States will be seen to move too slowly or not at all. For anyone wishing to anticipate the course of American policy, an understanding of the structure of Jacksonian beliefs and values is essential.

It would be an understatement to say that the Jacksonian approach to foreign policy is controversial. It is an approach that has certainly contributed its share to the headaches of American policymakers throughout history. It has also played a role in creating a constituency abroad for the idea that the United States is addicted to a crude cowboy diplomacy-an idea that, by reducing international faith in the judgment and predictability of the United States, represents a real liability for American foreign policy.

Despite its undoubted limitations and liabilities, however, Jacksonian policy and politics are indispensable elements of American strength. Although Wilsonians, Jeffersonians and the more delicately constructed Hamiltonians do not like to admit it, every American school needs Jacksonians to get what it wants. If the American people had exhibited the fighting qualities of, say, the French in World War II, neither Hamiltonians, nor Jeffersonians nor Wilsonians would have had the opportunity to have much to do with shaping the postwar international order.

Moreover, as folk cultures go, Jacksonian America is actually open and liberal. Non-Jacksonians at home and abroad are fond of sneering at what must be acknowledged to be the deeply regrettable Jacksonian record of racism, or its commitment to forms of Christian belief that strike many as both unorthodox and bigoted. Certainly, Jacksonian America has not been in the forefront of the fight for minority rights, nor is it necessarily the place to go searching for avant garde artistic styles or cutting-edge philosophical reflections on the death of God.

But folk cultural change is measured in decades and generations, not electoral cycles, and on this clock, Jacksonian America is moving very rapidly. The military institutions have moved from strict segregation to a concerted attack on racism in fifty years. In civilian life, the belief that color is no bar to membership in the Jacksonian community of honor is rapidly replacing earlier beliefs. Just as Southerners whose grandfathers burned crosses against the Catholic Church now work very well with Catholics on all kinds of social, cultural and even religious endeavors, so we are seeing a steady erosion of the racial barriers. Even on issues of modernist art, Jacksonian America is moving. The Vietnam Memorial in Washington, once widely denounced by Jacksonians for its failure to include figurative sculptures, has now become one of the most visited and revered sites in the capital. On Memorial Day, thousands of leather-clad representatives of the Jacksonian culture visit it on their Harley-Davidsons, many of them accompanied by their wives riding pillion.

Jacksonian America performs an additional service: it makes a major, if unheralded, contribution to America's vaunted "soft power." It is not simply the Jeffersonian commitment to liberty and equality, the Wilsonian record of benevolence, anti-colonialism and support for democracy, or even the commercial success resulting from Hamiltonian policies that attracts people to the United States. Perhaps beyond all these it is the spectacle of a country that is good for average people to live in: where ordinary people can and do express themselves culturally, economically and spiritually without any inhibition. The consumer lifestyle of the United States-and the consequences of federal policy to enrich the middle class and make it a class of homeowners and automobile drivers-wins the country many admirers abroad. For the first time in human history, millions of ordinary people have enough money in their pockets and time on their hands to support a popular culture that has more resources than the high culture of the aristocracy and elite. This culture is what hundreds of millions of foreigners love most about the United States, and its dissemination makes scores of millions of foreigners feel somehow connected to or even part of the United States, The cultural, social and religious vibrancy and unorthodoxy of Jacksonian America@not excluding such pastimes as professional wrestling-are among the country's most important foreign policy assets.

It may also be worth noting that the images of American propensities to violence, and of the capabilities of American military forces and intelligence operatives, are so widely distributed in the media that they may actually heighten international respect for American strength and discourage attempts to test it. THIS BASICALLY positive assessment would be incomplete without a description of the two most serious problems that the Jacksonian school perennially poses for American policymakers. Both of them spring from the wide ideological and cultural differences that divide the Jacksonian outlook from the other schools.
Photograph
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[Photograph]
Memorial Day, on the way to the Vietnam Wall

The first problem is the gap between Hamiltonian and Wilsonian promises and Jacksonian performance. The globally oriented, order-building schools of thought see American power as a resource to be expended in pursuit of their farreaching goals. Many of the commitments they wish to make, the institutions they wish to build, and the social and economic policies they wish to promote do not enjoy Jacksonian support; in some cases, they elicit violent Jacksonian disagreement. This puts Hamiltonians and Wilsonians over and over again in an awkward position. At best they are trying to push treaties, laws and appropriations through a sulky and reluctant Congress. At worst they find themselves committed to military confrontations without Jacksonian support. More often than not, the military activities they wish to pursue are multilateral, limited warfare or peacekeeping operations. These are often unpopular both inside the military and in the country at large. Caught between their commitments (and the well-organized Hamiltonian or Wilsonian lobbies and pressure groups whose political clout is often at least partially responsible for these commitments) and the manifest unpopularity of the actions required to fulfill them, American policymakers dither, tack from side to side, and generally make an unimpressive show. This is one of the structural problems of American foreign policy, and it is exacerbated by the divided structure of the American government and Senate customs and rules that give a determined opposition many opportunities to block action of which it disapproves.

The second problem has a similar origin, but a different structure. Jacksonian opinion is slow to focus on a particular foreign policy issue, and slower still to make a commitment to pursue an end vigorously and for the long term. Once that commitment has been made, it is even harder to build Jacksonian sentiment for a change. This is particularly true when change involves overcoming one of the ingrained preferences in Jacksonian culture; it is, for example, much harder to shift a settled hawkish consensus in a dovish direction than vice versa. The hardest task of all is to maintain support for a policy that eschews oversimplification in favor of complexity. Having gotten Jacksonian opinion into a war in Vietnam or the Persian Gulf, it was very hard to get it out again without achieving total victory. Once China or Vietnam has been established as an enemy nation, it is very difficult to build support for normalizing relations or, worse still, extending foreign aid.

These problems, which are responsible for many of the recurring system crashes and unhappy stalemates in American foreign policy, can never be fully solved. They reflect profound differences in outlook and interest in American society, and it is the job of our institutions to adjudicate these disputes and force compromise rather than to eliminate them.

Efforts by policymakers to finesse these disputes often exacerbate the basic problem, which is the cultural, political and class distance between Jacksonian America and the representatives of the other schools. Attempts to mask Hamiltonian or Wilsonian policies in Jacksonian rhetoric, or to otherwise misrepresent or hide unpopular policies, may succeed in the short run, but ultimately they can lead to a collapse of popular confidence and the stiffening of resistance to any and all policies deemed suspect. When misguided political advisers persuaded the distinctively unmilitary Massachusetts Governor Michael Dukakis to put on a helmet and get in a tank for a television commercial, they only advertised how far out of touch with Jacksonian America they were.

KERRY FOR PRESIDENT RADIO/TV SPOTS

2004-03-27T10:29:00.000-08:00

CUT TO: CLOSE UP YOUNG MAN:

"John, we want to make it.".

CUT TO NEW YOUNG MAN FACE:

"John, we want opportunity too."

CUT TO ANOTHER YOUNG MAN FACE:

"We want what you had"

CUT TO CLOSE UP OF JOHN KERRY OVER A BACKGROUND OF YOUNG MEN STARING ADORINGLY AT HIM. John Kerry's strong masculine voice now dominates. We still hear God Bless America softly in the BG

I hear you, America. I hear you. When you elect me for your leader, I will supply every young man in this country with the same opportunities I had while growing up. For this reason when I take office, the very first thing I will do is to propose to Congress "The National Right to an Heiress Act". Every young man who wants an heiress so he can start life as I did will be entitled to one. Now some people say this will just encourage bigamy and murder. You know what I say to that? I respond in the same way I did when I was in Vietnam and faced death. I say, ha. Ha. Ha. I will also enact by executive order "The Endangered Heiress" act which will have a minimum sentence of 75 years for any man who so much as threatens an heiress with a tax audit. I hope you young men will entrust me with your vote this November. Remember you deserve a rich snotty sexless woman as much as I do.

AS WE FADE TO RED WHITE AND BLUE the strains of"God Bless America" rises.

AD #2

WIDE ANGLE. CROWD FIGHTING.

As the VOICE of JOHN KERRY is heard the fighting stops. All look up.

KERRY: Let's end the madness.......

LETTERING OVER: "End the Madness"

DISSOLVE INTO JOHN KERRY AS HE SPEAKS IN HIS DEEP MASCULINE VOICE

When I was in Vietnam watching a few of my comrades murder civilians, rape nuns, burn down entire villages, and smoke some of the best shit on the planet I decided right then and there that war wasn't my schtick. Peace was my met-tee-ay. Peace. We have overreacted to the terrorist incident on 9/11. Look at it this way: What is the big deal about thirty five hundred mostly naturalized citizens who would have died had they stayed in their own country anyway giving up their lives. When I am president I will immediately go to Iraq and tell those towel heads to basically, as we used to say at Yale, "screw". With the money we save we can build 7500 ghettos for 40 million people, 1,000 charity hospitals, and provide every murderer with 24 hour a day psychiatric care. I hope you will give me your vote this November. End the Madness.

"AMERICA THE BEAUTIFUL" MUSIC RISES AS CROWD CHEERS WILDLY. FADE OUT.

2004-02-28T11:34:00.000-08:00

Gibson accused of stealing "Passion of The Christ" In a bombshell accusation that has all Hollywood abuzz, famed producer Danny Frankenstiener ("High School Drug Den" and "Cocaine Whores from Beverly Hills") has accused producer Mel Gibson of plagiarism. Speaking from his Hollywood residence, Frankenstiener says he bought the script five years ago from former Wall Street financier Ivan Boesky at an estate sale. "I have the whole f***in' book right here," Franken(etc) howled while waving a thick copy of the book he said he bought. "It's word for f***in' word from a bunch of chapters right in the middle of this thing and I got the receipt for it right here." Franken(etc. ) claims to have written a 40,000 page treatment that he has been shopping to various studio hacks who won't even return his phone calls. He is being encouraged in his suit by several un-named "Holywood Biggies" according to Franken(etc). "I will preserveer," says Franken(etc.). "It ain't like I'm some Republican asshole trying to horn into the business. I know my shit, I voted for that asshole Gore, I'm a good soldier, and I'm known."

2003-11-10T14:54:00.000-08:00

The Reagan CBS Special spoof has been moved due to the heavy traffic. It is now posted on the El Laffo Grande site, right here.

AT LAST

E-X-C-L-U-S-I-V-E

The Reagan docudrama scenes that
CBS WANTED you to see but were cut by the FASCIST Right

A full blown Gay bashing

Total Animal hating and cruelty

SHOCKING Child ABUSE

All right here at Oraculations

This material was secretly revealed to me by a woman whose income was slashed by the Hollywood Left when they found out she supported oil drilling in Alaska. This woman, who I will refer to here as MADAM X, this woman has a masters degree in accounting and an MBA, so you know she can read. Once her oil drilling preferences became known she found herself in a downward job spiral til she was reduced to doing part time janitorial work just to keep her medical benefits and pension. She moonlighted as the bookkeeper for Rush Limbaugh's drug dealers, and the accountant for a wrongly accused Hollywood Madam. It was while cleaning an upstairs office at CBS that she discovered the disgusting script deletions and passed them on to me. I now publish them as the next post below, complete with hand writen notes. Hope you enjoy-------All scenes are said by the producers to be true and more than three sources verified them.....

Information in this TRUE scene verified by the Butler, Mr. Ted Lance who is now an attorney for a Democratic Think Tank. He says he taped the scene. It purports to show the condition of Reagan as early as 1983

INT. LINCOLN BEDROOM. NANCY REAGAN.VERY TIGHT SHOT.

Talking secretively to someone, her eyes darting about making sure nobody is listening.

NANCY

This rumor, this dispicable lie, has got to be stopped.

CAMERA starts slow pull back to a MEDIUM SHOT of Nancy and the room. We see her sitting on Lincoln's bed next to her ASTROLOGER, a seedy looking middle aged woman wearing thick glasses. The Astrologer is just popping a couple of pills and chasing same with some vodka from a bottle. As CAMERA PULL BACK AND STOPS REVEALING a black MAN SERVANT bowing toward Nancy.

NANCY (Cont. to Servant)

(Covering mouthpiece on phone)Now Rastus. I want.....

MAN SERVANT (Interrupting)

...my name is Ted, madam. Ted.

NANCY

Ted, Rastus, Amos and Andy. Who cares? You listen to me. I know this is a lot to ask, but Ronnie...well the President lost a little control again. And would it be too much to ask if you would....clean

MAN SERVANT

...again madam? The President shit on the bathroom floor again?

END OF SEGMENT

BEGIN NEXT SCENE

This scene was constructed from a conversation that Nancy Reagan had with her gardener in California last year. He says he taped the conversation. A second source is said to have been murdered. It shows the contempt both Reagans have for endangered species and fuel economy.

EXT.RURAL HIGHWAY. DAY.

MASTER SHOT.
Large gas guzzling SUV hurtling toward CAMERA

CUT TO:

ANGLE ON DRIVER'S SIDE.PRESIDENT REAGAN DRIVING.

The President has a fierce look on his face. We see Nancy smiling in the seat beside him.

CUT TO:

EXT.HIGHWAY.SUV

Approacing at at least 80 miles per hour. We see a little baby rabbit who looks exactly like Thumper in the movie "Bambi" trying to get accross the road. The SUV hits it.

INSERT.CLOSE SHOT.SLOW MOTION RABBIT

As it is hit by the wheel its guts explode and we hear a cry of animal anguish. Eyes popping out of its head featured.
CUT TO>

INT. SUV.REAGAN AND NANCY.

Howling and cheering.
NANCY

Oh Ronnie, baby. You did it.

RONNIE

What's that? Two rabbits and Goddam baby deer?

NANCY

...and that faggot. Don't forget that fucking faggot back in Bakersfield......

END SEGMENT

BEGINNING NEXT SCENE

INT.NICE RESTAURANT.ANGLE FEATURING NANCY.PRESIDENT IS VISIBLE IN FRAME.

CAMERA PULLS BACK slightly REVEALING A WAITER in the FRAME. Waiter has just taken a part of Nancy's order. He leans into the FRAME.
WAITER

That's rack of lamb well done. And what about the vegetable?

NANCY

(Leaning slightly toward the waiter and holding her hand to her face shielding her mouth from Ronnie) Oh, he'll have the same. Only rare.

Nancy leans back slightly REVEALING Reagan wiping his nose with his sleeve.
END SEGMENT

NEXT SCENE

The treatment of his children rivals that of Joan Crawford, another Republican. A good argument for Federal employees to take over all facilities of this type.
INT.ENTRANCEWAY TO LOBBY

We see the YOUNG REAGAN (early thirties) dragging his eight year old LITTLE DAUGHTER through the entrance way and toward the CAMERA. Little Daughter is crying and trying to get away. A very young RONALD REAGAN won't let her. He has a tough look on his face.

LITTLE DAUGHTER

But Daddy. Daddy. You can't put me in an orphanage. I'm your daughter.

REAGAN

You stopped being my daughter the second you told the housekeeper that your mother can't hold her drugs.

ANOTHER ANGLE.

NURSE NANCY (actually the future Mrs. Reagan) enters the FRAME. Big tits, luscious lips, and an attitude. At first. Til she recognizes Reagan as a movie star.

NURSE NANCY

Listen asshole. You can't put your own daughter into an orphanage....Oh my God. You're Ronald Reagan. The movie star? Ain't cha?

REAGAN

(still struggling with Little Daughter)Yes I am. Holy shit baby. You sure have a great set of tits. You play your cards right you could be a movie star.

LITTLE DAUGTHER

I'm not an orphan. You can't put me in here. He's my....

ANOTHER ANGLE
Nurse Nancy grabs the Little Daughter by the throat. Her other hand reaches toward REAGAN'S crotch. He begins to smile.

ANOTHER ANGLE.REAGAN YOUNG NANCY
We can hear the Little Daughter trying to speak in the BG as Nurse Nancy TURNS to Reagan so that her lips are close to his lips. Both are hot.

NURSE NANCY

How long's she been a Communist?

REAGAN

I like your style honey.

They kiss passionately. We hear poor Little Daughter struggling to speak in the BG.

Producer's hand written Note: If we could show just a touch of a possible future lesbian relationship between Nancy and the daughter the Republicans might lose a Southern state next time.

END OF SEGMENT.

A hand written note on this next scene signed by "Terry" (are we to presume Terry McAuliffe???) demands that this scene be retained, but admits there are "problems". The note in part: "Because the Goddam Jews are registering Republican they are causing problems with this scene. We could only wish the blacks would re-register, then maybe we could win a fucking election. At any rate, while we all feel that this is the key scene in the movie, one that shows Republicans and the Reagans hated Jews, Italian Americans, German Americans, Catholics, and even the USC Trojans, the now gutless DNC which is composed of Homosexuals, PETA people, Enviros, Labor people, and so on have caved to the Conservative Extreme Right. We all think the scene is brilliant. But I must admit that a few people might think it in questionable taste. But art, as we all know, is always in bad taste. Had this scene remained I feel we could have won the next three elections. (signed)

INT.INSERT."TRIUMPH OF THE WILL"

FX: Horst Wessel song is played throughout scene in the BG and movie plays throughout.

Leni Riefenstahl's Nazi propaganda film "Triumph of the Will" is being shown in black and white. The Horst Wessel song IS HEARD. We see Nazi Troops marching. The scene is thrilling. PULL BACK REVEALING NANCY and ASTROLOGER watching the film. Astrologer is smoking and drinking. Nancy is popping her usual valium and gin.
NANCY

This is great. Those Hollywood Jews can't do scenes like this. Without the Germans there would be no Hollywood.

ANGLE ON ASTROLOGER
We see her bloodshot eyes and vacant stare as she wistfully dreams out loud.
ASTROLOGER

Yes. Von Stroheim, von Sternberg, Coppola....

ANOTHER ANGLE
NANCY

Coppola isn't a fucking Kraut. He's a dago, a useless goddam greaseball Mafia loving wop.....

ASTROLOGER

....He's German. His real name is von Coppleman. He had to change it because the stinking Hollywood Jews wouldn't hire a German. They think he's the nephew of Fellini. He's a client.

OTHER ANGLES
Always FEATURING Nancy. We see images of the Nazi troops and Hitler playing across her face as she speaks. She has more and more authority and gets louder as scene goes along.
NANCY

I'm thinking. Who did this thing? That Leni something or other, right? We could get her to do the Inauguration. Put in Boy Scouts and stuff and maybe the USC fight song instead of this piece of shit.

ASTROLOGER

The Notre Dame song would be better. The Catholic assholes would go for it more.

NANCY

Catholics. Shit. Wish the Nazis had a hard-on for them instead of the Jews. We'd all be better off. I'm thinking. I'll get Ronnie to go to that Nazi burial ground in Bitburg. You know, where all the SS guys are buried. And have him do a speech. We'll get that washed up Leni bitch to do a movie on that and he'll be seen all over the world.

ASTROLOGER

He stupid enough to go to a Nazi graveyard?

Nancy becomes more agitated and prowls the room. Music is louder and she is louder.NANCY

He's dumb enough. He'll do what I say. What I say. We will go to Bitburg.....

Her right arm is extended in the air as the Nazi soldiers in the film march across her face.CUT TO:

EXT.BITBURG.DAY

VARIOUS ANGLES FEATURING REAGAN, NANCY

Reagan trots up the stairs to Nancy and kisses her on cheek.
NANCY

You're late. What kept you?

REAGAN

You'll never believe it. Some whacked out old lady had 500 cameras lining our route and was trying to take pictures of me. I had her arrested. Let's go.....

WIDE SHOT THEN ZOOM IN ON NANCY
She is stunned. MUSIC OVER: USC Fight Song

END SEGMENT

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is a breakthough moment for Oraculations in that due to great reporting skills and hard work I have been able to break this story to all of you. Thanx for dropping by and tell your friends. Every day I get better than Drudge.

KOBE BRYANT TV ADS REWORKED FOR NEW IMAGE.

2003-07-20T09:52:00.000-07:00

COMMERCIAL #1 THE BRYANT "SLUT HUNTER" SHOES:
KOBE MED SHOT
KOBE

SMILING AND SHOWING PURPLE AND GOLD SHOE TO CAMERA "That white bitch would have gotten clean away if I wasn't wearin' these shoes.

CUT TO: SMILING BLONDE SLUT
BLONDE SLUT

Shit. I would have been in the hall but he jumped over that bed like it waren't even there. Dam he was fine. Thank God he was wearin' them Slut Hunters. Nobody wants to spend they lives runnin' from hot sex.

KOBE

Slut Hinters, wear ‘em in hotels and motels for the best in pussy.

SUPER GOLD LETTERING READING: KOBE BRYANT "SLUT HUNTERS" SHOES FOR THE TESTOSTERONE ENDOWED. WAITRESSES CAN'T RUN, CLERKS LAY DOWN AND WEEP, EVEN BAR GIRLS CAN'T ESCAPE.
FADE TO BLACK

COMMERCIAL #2 THE BRYANT "PUSSY SLAMMER" CLOTHING LINE

KOBE, MED. SHOT. Walking away from CAMERA dressed in the sharpest attire in the world. Approaches a sexy looking BABE from behind. She is dressed in tight garb. He grabs her by the ass. She turns on him angrily. He grabs her and throws her to the ground and jumps her.
CLOSE UP KOBE AND BABE
BABE

My God Sugar, you sure feel big under them fantastic looking pants. What are they called?

KOBE

These be the Pussy Slammers, part of my startin' five line up of my very own Pussy Huntin' shoes, clothing, and on line attorney services.

BABE

Oh Kobe honey they look so good. Can you just do me without taking them off? I mean I am hot just feelin' the fabric.

KOBE

That's what they're for, honey. Stain resistant and guaranteed not to show semen, blood, or DNA evidence after one washing.

DISSOLVE TO SMILING KOBE
KOBE

You don't have to hit ‘em, push ‘em or even make a death threat. Pussy Hunters, what the real street dude wears for consensual ass kicking forceful sex.

FADE TO BLACK

COMMERCIAL #3: "NO EVIDENCE"---THE DETERGENT FOR SEXUALLY ACTIVE MEN

TIGHT SHOT KOBE as he opens front door. PAN and FOLLOW as Kobe runs down the hall toward the washing machine room.

WIFE VOICE OFF CAMERA: Is ‘at you, Kobe honey?

KOBE: Yeah baby, it be me. I'll be right up.

CAMERA MOVE STOPS AS KOBE ENTERS WASH ROOM
.
WIDE SHOT KOBE. Washing machines visible. We see his clothes have stains all over the pants, there may be a blood stain or two on the shirt. He strips off his clothing as he yells to his wife.
KOBE

I'll feed the baby too, sugar. Don't you worry your pretty little brain.

He prominently holds a box of "NO EVIDENCE" and puts a small amount into the washer. KOBE

TO CAMERA After a little action in the back seat, or fightin' off bitches in your hotel room, a real man needs a powerful detergent. Powerful enough to get out DNA, semen, and even them tell tale blood stains. Me and all my brothers use NO EVIDENCE, the perfect answer to certain problems.

DISSOLVE TO
INT.POLICE STATION. KOBE AND COP
The COP is handing a bunch of folded clothes back to Kobe
COP

Sorry Mr. Bryant. You're clothes are DNA, semen, and blood clean. You're free to go.

KOBE

I know, but you ought to know how these white bitches lie.

ANGLE ON KOBE
Kobe moves toward CAMERA a knowing smile on his face. He stops and leans forward.
KOBE

Three arrests and no convictions. HOLDS UP DETERGENT No Evidence. The answer to White Justice.

FADE TO BLACK

RECIPE-- REAL MAN'S HANBURGER

2003-07-17T12:15:00.000-07:00

REAL MAN'S HAMBURGER

1. Steal 2 pounds of 25% fat hamburger from the supermarket.

2. Flip off the store Security Guard on the way to your car. If he's a memeber of a minoity hurl a racial slur.

3. On the way home buy some beer and a half pint of vodka.

4. Pick up a slutty looking high school girl at a bus stop and take her
home with you.

4A. On the way home give her the IQ Test.

Q: The colors of the rainbow are red green and yellow. What are the colors of the rainbow?
If she scores two out of three or better, dump her. You don't want babes that can remember things.

5. When you get home give the girl a beer loaded up with vodka and let her
watch Jerry Springer on your TV.

6. Put a frying pan on the stove, turn it to high.

7. Rip open the burger.

8. Sprinkle it with marijuana (no stems or seeds or the high school girl
will figure it out). Then work the pot into the meat.

9. Make a couple of patties then slam them real hard into the hot pan.

10. Ask the girl how she likes her burgers. Pay no attention to what she
says, she's too stupid to remember what she told you anyway.

11. Get out some bread and use the heels of the loaf as a bun so she will
think she's actually there for the food.

12. When the smoke gets real thick, turn the burgers over.

13. Slap some mayo on the bread heels, then whatever kind of crap you have
like onions, relish, pickles, whatever you want to get rid of, and throw it
on there too.

14. Check to see if the girl is drunk yet. If she isn't you're going to
have to give her the burger.

15. Now that the smoke is real think again, you turn off the stove, put a
burger on the heels for her and deliver the goods.

16. Go back in the kitchen and scarf the remaining burger, chase it with
some beer, and wait for the pot to kick in.

17. Go back in the TV room, and if there's no football game on, let her
watch some other scummy show while the vodka, beer, and pot kick in.

18. Slip one of your porno tapes into your VCR and after a minute or two,
use your remote to start it up.

18. The night is still ahead......

IF YOU DOUBT THAT THIS RECIPE WORKS, CHECK THE FACTS: THREE ARRESTS AND NO
CONVICTIONS

SIGN UP NOW FOR THE "OK TO CALL ME" LIST

2003-06-26T15:25:00.000-07:00

The new FCC "Don't Call" lists excludes the biggest criminals in America, politicians. They will be calling you any time they choose with sleazy shopworn "pitches" like: Bush has plans to murder half the blacks in America. Do you want to stop him? Or Bush has plans to murder half the blacks in America. Do you want to help?

The fascist government is trying to take away your right to receive calls that notify you of opportunities in the latest unlisted stock, tax shelter, newspaper offer, or other wonderful opportunity. We in the telemarketing industry, always standing with the rights of every American to receive phone calls, are giving you the opportunity to sign on.

Hundreds of cancer drugs, hot stocks on companies making products like glow in the dark condoms, movies made by unknown producers, innovative vibrators, space capsules, and the hydrogen fuel cell powered carving knife are just some of the things we know you want to hear about.

NAME:
phone number not necessary, we already have it.
Credit card number not necessary, we already have that too.
Net worth, not necessary.
SS number not necessary we have that..
Checking account number not necessary, we have it.

Glad we could help you stand up for America.

Reply to this form also includes a model release, an agreement not to seek legal redress, and the right to send cash if you so choose.

CAPTURED PRAIRIE DOG REVEALS AL QAEDA CONNECTION

2003-06-10T14:24:00.000-07:00

(Madison WI June 9) A captured Prairie Dog named "Mel" owned by a local pre teen has been captured. "Mel" also known as Muhammed el Kaliffa de Rashkili was trained in Afghanistan and shipped in a crate to Racine Wisconsin and sold to a pet store. "Mel" volunteered to infect himself with Monkey Pox and spread it to everyone who came in contact with him. Mel learned from al Qaeda master Osama bin Ladin himself how to get that cute grin on his face so that unsuspecting Americans would grin back and then pet him, thus contracting the disease.

Prairie Dog psychic, George Clooney (No relation to the famous 50's pop singer) from Fargo North Dakota, "talked" with Mel when the animal grew lonely and depressed after three days in a maximum security animal shelter and just had to talk to someone he could trust. "Mel" hates Americans, hated his owner little Mary Jane Anderson, and planned on converting her to his Muslim faith but found terror opportunities first. Mel claims he is one of millions of Muslim ferrets, prairie dogs, and weasels who are ready to launch a massive terror attack.

"Monkey Pox is just a small start," says Mr. Clooney (no relation to the 50's pop singer). "They are carriers of rinderpest, a transboundary animal disease thought confined to cattle, but terrorist prairie dogs cuddled with the cattle and contracted the disease too. Worse, is the attempt to transmit syphilis and Aids, however the ferrets assigned the job have not been able to have sex with their human owners, SO FAR."

Clooney wants to warn all ferret, prairie dog and weasel owners not to fall for their cute smiles and cuddly looks designed to cause a sexual response in humans. No matter what, do not engage in sexual activity with the critters,"warns Clooney. Rumors persist in the gay and lesbian community about oral sex from a ferret being even better than anal from a gerbil.

"We will stop this terror attack in its tracks", said FBI agent J. Edmond Hoover (no relation to the famous vacuum cleaner).

Tigress Hills

2003-06-04T11:33:00.000-07:00

Where real Arab Men Find Paradise

12230 Old Tigress Silk Road
North Baghdad, Iraq

May Allah be Praised
Dear Friend;

We share your grief at the loss of manhood, land, and Muslim pride resulting from the American sneak attack on Iraq last April. The Good News is WE DID NOT LOSE. It has now been proven that Saddam Hussein was not an Arab. He was French.

Your manhood is still in tact. Take this brief manhood test.

You are insulted on the street by a camel who evacuates his bowels on your shoes. You
A. Immediately kill it
B. Immediately kill the owner
C. You beg an American soldier to help you.

See? You are still burning with manhood. One more question to test your mettle.

Your wife dares to question your purchase of a new Rolex watch from a street vendor instead of buying food for your hungry family. You
A. Graciously punch her in the face til she quiets down.
B. Magnanimously beat her into submission with a cane
C. Beg an American soldier for food.

There. That is proof. Now friend of Allah most Holy, defender of the Faith, Holy Warrior of Islam you are invited to the movie premier of "The Americans Suck" a film by Jacques LeCroque re-cut from the original German masterpiece "Der Friken Juden Banken Haben" ("The Jews Own All the Banks") by Lili Riefenstahl, Leni's young cousin who was kicked out of the Gestapo for being mean to the Jews. The movie is free. All Allah asks you to do is listen to a short presentation of real estate opportunities available near the Tigress River north of Baghdad. This is a great opportunity to join with other men of faith in a time-share program you will enjoy. Do not bring your wife. She is too stupid to understand masculine things, will only object, and there is no sense beating her into submission in public.

Praise be to Allah

Murray bin Kalid il Abraham
Tigress Homes and Gardens

The Iraq Gazette

2003-06-03T09:17:00.000-07:00

C L A S S I F I E D
FOR SALE: Two fresh Virgins recalled from Paradise due to lack of dead heroes.
79-671-4488 ask for Mullah Greenberg

FOR SALE: Four New WMDs. May need new rubber band power systems. Brand new paint job with stencil in Arabic and English on side: "Warning Anthrax on Board". Make Offer. 79-845- 3751, Mr. Blix

FOR RENT: Army. Cheap. Call: 79-773-2666 leave message on machine. AMEX, DISCOVER, MC, VISA. One week minimum. Very brave in spite of what you may hear.

WANTED: Pen Pal. Write Eric Rudolph, Mobile Jail, Mobile AL. Tell me about your lesbians.

HELP WANTED: Assistant brain surgeon and file clerk. Big tits and a nice ass a plus. Call 79- 552-4310 and ask for Uday. You must be at least twelve years old. Your call will be returned within one day.

HELP WANTED: Cold blooded assassin for interesting work around children. This is Jihad, Holy War, Paradise guaranteed stuff. Call 79-677-3998 from a pay phone allow to ring twice and then hang up. You will be called back. immediately.

LEGAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Imam Ali Kifhar il Muhammad and Shiek Ramses MMMXXVII Doing Business As The MidEast Stompers, a rap music group, music publishing company, and Muslim charity. Filed 5/30/2003.

GARAGE SALE: Precious heirlooms dating back to my ancestors 2,500 BC; includes hard core pornography from the time of Hamurabi: "Nile Sluts" (graphic alligator rape), "Oasis Gang Bang" (hot camel action) and "Anal Sphinx Bitches do Persia" (illustrated; women deficating in desert); also old Nazi gas chamber with instructions and a month supply of zyclon gas (Jews not included); 27116 Baath Bl. Sat starting at 9AM.

NEW YORK TIMES ANNOUNCES REPLACEMENT FOR JAYSON BLAIR

2003-06-01T13:02:00.000-07:00

He is Terrance Franklyn Harris, 23 of New York City. He is a graduate of the prestigious Louis Farrakahn Institute (LFI) in Havana, Cuba. Before attending LFI Mr. Harris served four years of a life sentence for a series of alleged criminal assaults; which included murder, rape, and shoplifting. He was pardoned by President Clinton at the behest of the warden who was concerned about the physical well being of the other prisoners who constantly found themselves the focal point of the six foot eight inch 300 pound Harris's anger. President Clinton pardoned him on the condition he leave the country. Publisher Arthur Sulzberger and editor Howell Raines selected Mr. Harris after reviewing all 25,000 applications for Mr. Blair's position and found only 100 suitably black candidates. Of the 100, while it was a tough call, only Mr. Harris showed an ability to read and write. While in Cuba Mr. Harris was a reporter for the Sheraton Hotel Observer, a paper devoted to explaining the tourist attractions available to tourists as well as colorfully detailing the penalties for going anywhere else.

He wrote a major piece for Trabajo el Cabellero (Worker Friends) exposing the evils of capitalism in parts of Havana which resulted in the cleanup of the criminal activity, the eradication of taco stands, and the jailing of hundreds illegal shoe shine boys. He also was instrumental in liberalizing some of the Information Retrieval Centers so that people who wanted to talk about their relative's anti-government activities could do so without electrical or bone adjusting encouragement. He was awarded the prestigious Iron Partegas (named after the famous Cuban cigar) for his reporting on the suspicious activity going on at Guantanamo Bay, which revealed for all the world that Muslim prisoners were being held there against their will. He was a guide for Danny Glover and other Hollywood luminaries who he entertained by exposing the stars to colorful Cuban culture like free prostitutes, discount cigars, and socialist baseball (like the American game only every run scored counts for both teams).

"He is a major addition to our great paper and his first assignment will be to let management know just what the attitudes in the newsroom really are and how to correct them quickly," said Mr. Raines.

2003-05-31T12:13:00.000-07:00

MUST READ IS MODERN DRUNKARD MAGAZINE First prehistoric beer slogan goes: "Taste grates! and "Less killing!" Some good stuff here. Drunkard of the Month is a cutie pie. I cannot pull up pix on blogspot any more for some reason so just go there and inagine you're not married to her.

NEW EMAILS SURFACE IN NEW YORK TIMES SCANDAL

2003-05-30T08:33:00.000-07:00

These emails were leaked early this morning in the spreading New York Times plagiarism scandal. It's beginning to look like this thing will never end.

From: John Gibbons
To: Ms Joan Gibbons, NYT
Who wrote this grocery list?

From: Ms Joan Gibbons, NYT
To: John Gibbons
What the hell are you talking about? I wrote it.

From: John Gibbons
To: Ms Joan Gibbons, NYT
Well the Goddam thing is written in Spanish and when the hell did you learn Spanish?

From: Ms Joan Gibbons
To: John Gibbons
It is standard practice to have the maid write grocery lists. I usually rewrite them into English but I make the requests and the maid takes them down and then I rewrite them. What is the big fucking deal?

From: John Gibbons
To: Ms Joan Gibbons
The big fucking deal is that included in the list are words and terminology that are clearly not your own: we don't eat ten pounds of "frijoles refritos". We don't pay the maid to write and translate your writing.

From: Ms Joan Gibbons
To: John Gibbons
Frijoles refritos are refried beans and I agree I made a mistake. Everybody has their maids write grocery lists, it's standard practice with everybody who has Mexican, Guatemalan, or El Salvadorian maids. What the hell is the sense of having a job at the New York Times if I can't have cheap help who will do what they are told or face deportation? I do the thinking. I do all the planning. I just let her do the mechanics of writing what I say. If you are going to make a big deal out of this I'll just move out and fuck Frank Davis who will give me a lot more action anyway. Your stupid rules are driving me nuts. I don't HAVE to sign my checks, that's what I have Rosa for. I don't HAVE to talk to the kids, that's what I have you for. EVERYBODY does those things. You better wise up because my morale is in the toilet over this. By the way, I'm going to need a little backup documentation. Some of these envious assholes around here are claiming my interview with Elvis Presley is fake. Help me on this and I'll have the maid blow you.

LACI PETERSON RULED SUICIDE >

2003-05-29T19:36:00.000-07:00

Modesto assistant Chief Forensic Psychiatrist rules. "It's obvious from our tests", he says. Peterson's attorney barred from commenting on case. Peterson's PR firm revealed today that Laci had stabbed herself on at least four other occasions, once with knitting needles, once with an electric carving knife, and twice with implements of torture. She had told friends repeatedly of plans to cut her own head off and had inquired about purchasing a guillotine through an internet mail order company. Defense is "looking at possibility" that Connor, the supposedly unborn baby, may have done the mother in while being born, in which case Connor will be tried in absentia.
OTHER NEWS
INSECT RIGHTS MOVEMENT BEGINS WITH HOLLYWOOD CELEBRITY KICKOFF (At Dreamworks Studios Monday Evening) Big fight expected over moves to include unborn; maggots, cocoons, larva, and eggs which will be bitterly opposed by pro-abortion groups, feminists, lesbians, and gay activists.

Developing....

DEAR ABBY

2003-05-29T16:58:00.000-07:00

Dear Abby:
My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning. When I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse is everyone knows he cheats on me. It is so humiliating! Also, since he lost his job two years ago he hasn't even looked for a new one. All he does is sit around the living room in his underwear and watch TV while I work to pay the bills. And since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend to like me. He keeps calling me a lesbian. What should I do?

Signed Clueless

Dear Clueless:
Dump him! You're a New York senator now. You don't need him anymore.

EMAIL FROM CAROL HAMLIN

2003-05-23T14:29:00.000-07:00

SARS STARTED BY CUNNILNGUS IN CHINA
Panic spreads through lesbian communities world wide as reports of SARS spread. Men were pecularly silent but sales of thermometers, sore throat remedies, and health insurance rose several hundred percent. Feminists decry sterotyping claim Chinese are known to lie, disease could have come from eating rats or dogs. Developing........

JAYSON BLAIR CLAIMS THAT HOWELL RAINES ACTUALLY WROTE HIS STORIES

2003-05-20T11:22:00.000-07:00

HIS SCREENPLAY WILL PROCLAIM HIS INNOCENCE, A BLACK MAN BETRAYED.
New York May 20/
In a sensational development, disgraced New York Times writer and ACCUSED plagiarist Jayson Blair has accused Howell Raines, the editor of the New York Times, as the author of the plagiarized and fabricated articles attributed to Jayson Blair.

"That scumbag Raines signed my name to his fake stories," said Blair yesterday. "The guy (Raines) is a compulsive writer and has to write and write all the time. It's like a drug for him. But nobody will publish his stuff so he stuck it to me. And I'll leave it to you as to why he picked on me, a black man."

Blair will claim in his screenplay that diversity at the New York Times was a ploy that Raines and Sulzberger (the white publisher) created so that if the stories written by Raines using poor Mr. Blair's byline became known they could turn on a black person and not be accused of racism.

"I was shocked when I read that fake Sniper story," Blair says. "But what could I do? A black man in a white man's world says nothing if he wants to stay employed."

Blair says there is much worse going on at the Times, things he will reveal in his movie. Sex crazed white women yearning to have sex with young black men, wild drug use in freight elevators and rest rooms, the way he resisted New York Times all-star Maureen Dowd til he finally capitulated: "We all have our breaking points, as John McCain has put it so well," breathes Jason.

Worse than the sex, the drugs, and the fake articles by Raines is the bribery, pedophilia, and outright fraud. "So they pick on me. I ask anyone. Are black men genetically disposed to lie, cheat and steal? Were any of the Enron criminals black? The Global Crossing thieves? The Communist spies in the 40's? Hell no. The problem at the Times has a color but that color is not black. This movie will show a rampant testosterone level among women never revealed in an R rated movie before. They shoot the stuff in the rest rooms. They are crazy. They will rip your clothes off in the hall if you don't go with them. Girls as young as sixteen working as interns are shooting the stuff. That's all I'll say til the movie comes out."

We can hardly wait.

2003-05-18T06:26:00.000-07:00

NEW JERSEY MAFIA CLAIMS BAGHDAD NOW SAFE
Guido "Stone Heart" Pugliazzi of Camden reported that Baghdad was quiet. "We gave a couple of strip clubs to some of the mullahs, we gave some girls who will put out for a few dinars if they know what's good for them to a couple of our friends, we showed some guys who shall remain nameless how to run a betting joint and make a killing no matter what, and we acquainted twenty or thirty of them with The Really Great Satan may they rest in peace."

The State Department bureaucrats, when asked to explain the sudden order in a capital city that until last night had been violent, replied that their policy of allowing Iraqis to solve their own problems had bourne fruit. Jack Daniels the assistant to the First Assistant to the Assistant Head of State Department Inter-Iraq Re-construction Administration a 150,000 person agency with Headquarters in Cancun and offices in Basra, Baghdad, Mosul, Kuwait City, and Monaco announced that he was "pleased that only twenty or twenty five bodies had been found stuffed into garbage cans overnight with their arms broken and faces smashed beyond recognition as the best sign of peace in Baghdad in three weeks." He said things were so nice that young girls could now walk the streets without fear and pointed to thirty or more scantily clad young girls on the street in front of his office as proof. "A few little fights broke out over some soccer game bets that resulted in a minor gun fight, but that is to be expected when freedom suddenly happens."

As far as the contaminated water supply affecting people Daniels was thrilled that the population seemed to prefer whiskey, wine, and other beverages to water anyway. "And the little kids being drunk is actually an old custom in Iraq and we shouldn't try to impose our value system on them. When they start to vomit and pass out the new freedom they now have allows their parents to just laugh and drink more wine."

Daniels is looking forward to getting back home now that Baghdad is safe.

2003-05-17T14:50:00.000-07:00

WEEKEND HEADLINES
New Jersey Mafia declares Baghdad now safe
Senator Kerry's wife to change name from Heinz to Del Monte
Jayson Blair hired by ENRON

Other Headlines Developing
Saudis Agree to Elections
Saudi citizens will be allowed to vote if they qualify under a new edict issued today. Males with a net worth of $1billion, no job, and a pair of sunglasses that cost at least $500 will be eligible.

French Surrender
Terms will be announced by Monaco later today.

Al Sharpton Opposed
The appearance of other candidates designed only to deprive me of the nomination, says Al. Their appearance proves Democrats only pay lip service to Affirmative Action and Diversity

STUPID MOVIE STAR QUOTE FROM THE PAST: George Clooney: "I believe he (Bush) thinks this [war against Iraq] is a war that can be won, but there is no such thing anymore. We can't beat anyone" anymore."

2003-05-17T12:55:00.000-07:00

CHARITIES PANIC OVER REVELATIONS THAT SECOND HAND SMOKE IS HARMLESS
New York May 17th UP
Jayson Blair, special to ELG
"We have been targeted by the international Right Wing conspiracy," stated one charity with links to a hundred million dollar fund raising operation. Second hand smoke, which many lawyers hope will become the mother lode, "is the main cause of lung cancer in the world today and we don't care what a bunch of drug addicted communist scientists from LA say about anything," said Irving Slutnik an attorney from New York.

An emergency meeting of 100 charities responsible for the distribution of more than a billion dollars in government funding and contributions from the public is taking place at the Cancun Ritz Carlton over the weekend. Charitable contributions will pay for the meeting. The Second Hand Smoke Death Watch is prepared to expose this phony research whether it is true or not.

Several cities have ordinances pending that will require all smokers to inhale their smoke and hold their breath for ten seconds so that exhalation will produce no harmful "exhaust" (smoke). Meanwhile the two elderly males who were caught red handed blowing smoke rings outside a courtroom in New York City face criminal charges. Two alleged Mafia hoodlums collapsed when inhaling the smoke rings so the two elderly men may face civil rights prosecution as well (Mafia members are covered under the Civil Rights act as a protected minority in New York City).

Additional information on the effects of second hand smoke are emerging from the Illinois "Powder Puff Football Game" trial. Two defense lawyers are claiming the children became helplessly aggressive because of the second hand smoke blown in their faces by a child molester who was watching the game, smoking, and masturbating at the same time. The syndrome, known as the Maria Teresa Thierstein Simoes-Ferreira Heinz Kerry reaction, is named after the wife of Senator Kerry. Mrs. Teresa Thierstein Simoes-Ferreira Heinz Kerry (Dakota Souix call her "Seven Names") got this disease because of her continual exposure in "smoke filled rooms" while her former husband was fixing elections. The syndrome will be offered as a defense. The children, all over 17 but as offspring of the rich qualify as children til they are old enough to inherit their parent's money, will fight the charges all the way to the Supreme Court.

The report HERE, is being squelched by all responsible news agencies. Only Rush Limbaugh (a rumored child molester, Nazi, religious fanatic, gun owner, Repubican, and football fan) together with the entire British press (notoriously effete and supporters of Saddam) have dared to publish these libelous reports. The reports will not be allowed in court. The prosecutors are sworn to uphold the right of charities to extract billions for further research. All judges in Illinois are sworn to protect juries from the harmful effects of science.

"America will never be prey to scientific research" exclaimed Assistant D.A. Alfred Nobel.

2003-05-16T14:41:00.000-07:00

IF THERE IS ANYTHING FUNNIER ANYWHERE THAN THE TRUE PRESS ACCOUNTS OF FRANCE BEING WRONGED BY THE BUSH WHITE HOUSE, EMAIL ME. Links start at Drudge and continue everywhere.

2003-05-15T14:53:00.000-07:00

JAYSON BLAIR'S LAST ARTICLE This was to be filed shortly before Jayson Blair, the greatest young minority writer in America, was summerily discharged from the Right Wing New York Times. The sheer genius of his writing, his ability to communicate feelings, his sentence structure and uses of punctuation, particulary his use of the comma to convey the confusion in Pakistan; and his rare gift for discription are always present in this, his final byline for the New York Times.

Bin Laden a Heroic Figure Even in Decline in this ESCLUSIVE interview
by Jayson Blair, special to the New York Times

(Somewhere in Pakistan, May 5) All of his six foot seven inch frame, filled the entrance to the secret cave, I had been taken to, blind folded, hands cuffed in front of me, by camel, from a secret outpost in Afghanisgtan. I was shivvering but Osama binLadin shook not at all, a tower of menace, kindly loving eyes cast upon my humble being a black man in a world of bigotry and hate..

He squatted regally, like a King on an invisible throne, and asked me do you smoke black infidel pig? I told him that tobacco, niccotine, liquor, and drugs of any kind never passed my lips he nodded and smiled knowing he could talk to me man to man in complete confidence not knowing I had a tape recorder concealed inside one of my false molars at great prsonal risk of dying a horrible death.

He began to speak of the desert, not Palm Springs but of Arabia and the "Allah cursed Saudi family and their pig ugly women in Switzerland, their whores in Paris, and their sisters all over the globe who need oil money to sustain their lifestyles, their clothing bills, and other things I will not mention." I wasn't shocked because I am a man of the mean streets, the ghettos spawned by the evil Bush Administration, the discrimination in employment practiced by white America except at the New York Times, the end of the rainbow, the bottom of the abyss, and the rhelm of Kodor. Bin Ladin spoke of peace without America, without the evil George Bush, and I was reminded of my mother back in Philadelphia or somewhere playing tennis with a pimp and hoping her jones for the evil weed didn't devour her before she could cop some skank and binLadin would understnand with those loving eyes and maybe blow up the tennis courts for her.

Then he abruptly rose and disappeared into the night a figure of power and hope for the masses, a figure of fear for, George Bush and the gutless Republicans in Washington, would rue the day for, and would fight to the ends of the earth and never win nothing.

By Jayson Blair

2003-05-12T16:34:00.000-07:00

RUMORS OF UGLY VIRGINS IN PARADISE CAUSED IRAQI ARMY DEFEAT???

"Yes" say Iraqi POWs. Visions of starving Ethiopian women as potential sex partners in Paradise infected the dreams of soldiers. "It would be like deflowering an arrow", said one former soldier

"We lost all motivation", said Kalid el Salaam ibbid Boner a Fedayeen Fanatic turned runaway. "I was willing to die for hot sex with Harem Bunnies but when I learned they were women nobody in Paradise would invade with their swelled poles of manhood I became a testosterone free zone."

Word that they were getting the "rejects" and the "K-Mart mark downs" spread like wildfire two days after the invasion. One vicious rumor suggested the Virgins were lesbians and would only be available for oral sex, a disgusting practice to Muslim men. "We were vomiting all over the American tanks," said one. "We couldn't fire our weapons. Have you ever seen what women look like down there? I became so depressed I wanted to live."

The Syrian terrorists were particularly affected. "When the American planes attacked, my beautiful penis wept", said one former rabid terrorist. "My underwear turned brown inside. I was going to die and be forced to insert my beautiful weapon into the loins of a swine. I am still weeping."

The entire Muslim world is now awaiting Fatwas from Muslim clerics in the Mid-East. What exactly do these virgins look like? is the question on the lips of every Muslim terrorist. Visions of elderly sex fiends with shriveled breasts and bad breath is not likely to motivate fighting men to die. Word that Hollywood anti-war movie stars may become available is the only good news terrorists have had in a month.

Developing.........

2003-05-10T10:34:00.000-07:00

WEEKEND HEADLINES

Democrats accuse Bush of living in White House without paying rent
France Surrenders
Russians discover oil in Iraq

OTHER NEWS

Laci Peterson Seen Having Lunch with O.J. Simpson Shortly Before her Death. In a bombshell revelation from accused slayer's lawyer Paul Gallegos, several people have come forth linking the former football great with the crime. "Cops didn't even attempt to question him," says Gallegos.

Democratic Tax Plan Leaked Tax breaks for lawyers, teachers, and union leaders wins wide support among Trial Lawyers, Teachers Unions, and Labor.
.
Democrats claim Iraq War launched without gaining the proper Environmental Impact Reports. Democrats vow full investigation. Noise levels reportedly deafening, far exceeding acceptable limits. Bombing reportedly damaged trees in Baghdad Park. Marin County votes to impeach President. Nancy Pelosi sobs at news conference over animals at zoo. McCauliff sees big trouble for Bush

2003-05-09T07:08:00.000-07:00

ALERT

POWDER PUFF FOOTBALL WILL NOW BE FEDERALLY REGULATED
Democrats, energized by the brutality and insensitivity of the Powder Puff Football Game in a suburban Illinois school district, have proposed "cutting edge" legislation.

"This will be our cutting edge issue for 2004," said a leading Democrat. "This, combined with the Bush trip to the aircraft carrier, the runaway dog food expenses at the White House, the fact that albinos have no visible place in the Administration, and the fact that prostitutes may spread venereal diseases are what Americans want to address.

The Powder Puff Bill (HR-4225777632-188A) co-sponsored by Hillary Clinton (D-NY), Barbara Boxer (D-CA), Nancy Pelosi (D-SFran a separate state), and Henry Waxman (D-CA) spells out the rules and conditions under which a Powder Puff Football game can take place. Included in the Bill are the following:

1. No prolonged breast "tagging" that might be construed as fondling or foreplay;

2. Feces may be used as a "tagging" device provided they are not thrust into the actual face of the ball carrier. The head, the rest of the body, and stuffing them in the mouth of a downed plaer will be permitted. Feces must not be so hard as to cause brain injuries or so soft as to soil clothing, may be used instead of a two hand "tag" on a ball carrier;

3. Only two 12 ounce beers per player allowed, more only if keg will allow even distribution to all players, players refusing to drink beer subject to expulsion from game;

4. Bashing with dead fish weighing more than three pounds will result in ejection from game.

5. Jumping up and down on another player while said player is held face down in the mud by other players will only be allowed if in retaliation for insensitive insults to a racial minority (Minority as defined in Secret Senate Rule 44-6573-A, 2,026 pages available for $25 payable to DNC);

6. Head bashing with objects like hammers, tire irons, and chains will be discouraged unless all races and religious creeds approve;

7. Abortion providers must be stationed on each sideline and available to all players;

The rule that the Federal Government will pick up all medical expenses may not pass muster with Right Wing reactionary Republicans.

Dems feel this will be "THE" issue for 2004.

2003-05-06T19:34:00.000-07:00

MISSING IRQI MUSEUM ARTIFACTS INDEXED
1. A May 1953 Mad Magazine in mint condition
2. Menu from the Tigress Hotel and Spa where Alexander the Great killed his waiter.
3. A clay statue of Ramadam a Dingdong dating to Darius the Great
4. Four gold statues of Heidi Fliess
5. The oldest known French surrender document circa 2700 B.C.
6. The oldest known vibrator; a priceless dead humming bird mummy. Ancient Iraqi women used to place a humming bird under their dresses and let the beating wings do the dirty work.
7. An NFL football signed by the 1974 Oakland Raiders.
8. The Rugeaters, a 2,500 year old cave drawing depicting the first lesbian encounter

MUSEUM OFFICIALS REFUSED FURTHER DOCUMENTATION.

2003-05-06T16:03:00.000-07:00

LAFF OF THE DAY, OR MAYBE THE WEEK Click HERE Go ahead and follow the clicks it is 100% safe.

2003-05-05T14:33:00.000-07:00

GIANT PRAYER VIGIL FOR UNKNOWN HOMELESS BUM IN MODESTO
More than 5,000 sobbing people jammed a Salvation Army Shelter to mourn Jessie "Deadbeat Charlie" Annerson, the man found choked to death two months ago in a Modesto farm produce shed. Annerson was mourned by county leaders and state officials who made it known that the absence of anyone from the Bush Administration showed how uncaring they really are. There have been reports circulating the Right Wing Talk Show circuit that Annerson, an alcoholic, and a drug addict when he could afford to be, actually choked on his own vomit while in a drunken stupor. These reports have been discounted by the press and media here as Right Wing propaganda.

A $25,000 reward has been posted for his killer. NPR has vowed to match that figure so the reward is now $50,000, an amount that brought additional tears to the eyes of mourners. Seven of the Democratic Presidential candidates made an appearance while two, Mosley Braun and Joe Lieberman, sent floral arrangements. Kerry, a decorated Viet Nam War veteran, declared that the absent Lieberman and Braun showed an insensitivity to little people and that perhaps one of them thought attending Temple was more important.

Annerson left two children who are in foster homes and have declared that they hate Annerson and that they're glad he's dead. These remarks have been called unacceptable by local Democratic groups. The children may be remanded to the Mental Health Facility at an unknown location til they change their mindsets. Officials say the children have been put on intensive medication and locked in their rooms with no TV for a week.

2003-05-04T12:38:00.000-07:00

Weekend Headlines

LATE BREAKING
Bush White House to Declare WWII Combat against Germany is Over
Defense Department announces "Glitches" in Development of Plutonium Sniffing Dogs.
Human Shields in Samoa Resent Ridicule

OTHER HEADLINES LAST NIGHT
FAILURE TO HAVE FOOTAGE ON NEW LOOTING IN IRAQ MAY COST REPORTERS THEIR JOBS
Network biggies threaten all reporters unless they deliver new footage of rioting and looting. "We all know what is going on", says one on condition of anonymity. "The Administration is deliberately supressing news of the riots, looting, and criminality. We will find this activity. I guarantee it."

DEMS SAY ZERO TERROR ATTACKS SINCE 9/11 IN U.S. NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
"There could have been terror attacks and that's what counts. Not stupid statistics taken out of context.

"WINNING TWO WARS IN LESS THAN TWO YEARS A PHONY STATISTIC", SAY DEMS
"Stats could have been much different had we fought China, Russia, and North Korea", say Democrats. "Let's fight a couple of real powers til we let Bush brag."

HEALTH CARE CRISES IN BEVERLY HILLS AND PALM BEACH SPUR REFORMS
Two Beverly Hills couples who have seen their 401ks drop in value from $40 and $55 million respectively to a "paltry" few hundred thousand can't pay for health care without selling their second homes. "This is a health care crises of major proportions," declared Barbara Boxer (D- CA). "These people are very close to living on their bond incomes. The costs of their drugs, private care at Cedars Sinai, and kennel bills for their dogs while they are hospitalized threaten to destroy them."

DEMS OPPOSE SECRET WAR
A secret war being waged against secret enemies have the Democrats in an uproar. "Bush won't even name the enemy til the war is over and won," moan top Dems.

REPUBLICANS SCREAM "FOUL" OVER MEDIA COVERAGE All major networks except FOX report unemployment figures for April "There's a hell of a lot more happening domestically, than these figures. They are lagging indicators anyway", say GOP insiders. "Nobody mentions the fact that the hiring of maids is up 8% and prison guard hirings are up 41%. The liberal media only concentrate on the negative."

UN HUMAN RIGHTS COMMISSION REPORTS DICTATORSHIPS HAVE HIGHER LIVING STANDARDS THAN U.S. No surprises in report say France and Germany EU, swayed by report, may eliminate elections. Talking to former royal family of the Hapsburg Dynasty about new government. May start with Frederick the XXI now living in the Bronx.

ANTI-WAR CELEBS PLANNING TO SUPPORT A CANDIDATE Most Dems seem reluctant to accept endorsements by Lange, Sarandon, Harrelson, and the rest. "There is no way a candidate can refuse to be endorsed," says Tim Robbins. "This is McCarthyism at its worst."

2003-05-03T13:20:00.000-07:00

CHEER UP
The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.

Don't you just love it when stupid people AND stupid animals lose?

2003-05-01T14:37:00.000-07:00

THE FIRST MEETING OF THE NEW FRENCH, GERMAN, BELGIUM MILITARY ALLIANCE TOOK PLACE TODAY. THEY AGREED ON THE FOLLOWING:

1. The stealth Citroen was approved on a voice vote.

2. The construction of an aircraft carrier with a draft shallow enough to allow it to cruise up and down the Rhine River was approved. (Plans to berth it in Switzerland were tabled)

3. Unanimously agreed that Jews could only serve as cooks, janitors, and atomic scientists

4. War against America was tabled. It was suggested that the New Alliance find some Arab stooge to attack in their place. No Arab state responded to repeated phone calls.

5. It was determined that all ammunition must conform to EU standards. Every piece of ammo must be calibrated in millimeters and not caliber; all ammo must be clearly labled and bar coded; the color of the cartridge must differ from the bullet sufficiently to be recognizable so that new recruits would be less likely load them into their guns backwards; the cartridge must contain the word "cartridge" in three languages to include French and German; the bullet must be clearly marked with arrows indicating the direction the bullet will go when leaving the casing. In addition all firearms must be registered and the tax paid on each. Any soldier found with an unregistered weapon will face courts martial.

6. The money for the Military will come from a tax on ideas. Anyone with an idea must register with the Ministry of Ideas and that person will be issued a permit after paying a tax. A person with a Really New Idea will have to appear before a magistrate who will determine the tax. The magistrate will then refer the person to the Ministry of Ideas for a special permit. Ideas can only be expressed during the hours of 0800 and 1800 Brussels time. Violation of the time constraints will result in a fine not to exceed the tax. People having Dangerous Ideas, herein defined as challenging the authorities, advocating any U.S. Constitutional ideas, or any ideas than might upset anyone in a minority status (definition of minority to be published in book form after a meeting of the EU Parliament) will be required to: (a) register the Dangerous Idea(s) with the Ministry of Anti- Terrorism; (b) the persons will then be able to express these ideas only between the hours of 0100 and 0130 each weekday morning in the gardens of the Castle Chateau de Seneffe. Should taxes on ideas be insufficient to fund the military, fees for Writing Things Down will be enacted.

And finally it was agreed that killing people will not be permitted unless the person killed had failed to pay the "Idea Tax", the "Weapons Fees" or was an American. Or looked Jewish.

The World Awaits.

2003-04-30T11:49:00.000-07:00

Advertisement

IRAQ BEGS FOR AN OIL FOR HOOKERS PROGRAM

125,000 sex fiends have invaded our country.

Only drastic action can save us from a sexual holocaust.

AK-47's can't keep them away. Our Army couldn't keep them back. We need help right now. We have enough oil to import over 500,000 hookers from all over the world and pay them a thousand dollars a week for six months, plus whatever they can steal from the Americans. The hell with those pansies at the UN. We don't need food. We need salt peter for these animals.

How would you like it if 125,000 men under the age of 22 smiled at your daughters while pretending that the protuberance in their pants was a falafel? Leering calls of "Hey little girl, wanna see my Koran?" or "Hey, baby. Allah didn't say nothin' about gettin' naked in a hot tub.", are not welcome.

The world stood by while Saddam brutalized our country. Will it now stand by while Americans ejaculate their vile seed into the sacred wombs of Iraqi slut-hood? The time is rapidly approaching when a blow job for an Iraqi man will consist of an afternoon at a hair salon. A piece of ass will be a barbequed camel loin. Eating pussy will end up putting Iraqi cats on the endangered species list.

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FUCK THE AMERICANS-----------------ALL DAY AND ALL NIGHT-----------------AND GET RICH

2003-04-29T18:24:00.000-07:00

TRANSCRIPT OF A MID APRIL 2003 TELEPHONE CONVERSATION BETWEEN JACQUES CHIRAC AND SADDAM HUSSEIN. THE WAR IS GOING BADLY FOR IRAQ. FRANCE IS BEING REVEALED AS TREACHEROUS. CHIRAC WILDLY POPULAR IN FRANCE.

SADDAM: You lied to me.
JACQUES: I lie to everybody. I'm French.
SADDAM: You told me to trust the Russians
JACQUES: Somebody has to. God knows I'd never trust the bastards.
SADDAM: You told me you had secret information that....
JACQUES: You told me I'd have unlimited oil for twenty years. You lied to me.
SADDAM: I lie to everybody. I'm an Arab.
JACQUES: But when I lie my popularity soars. I'm so popular in France I could beat DeGaulle.
SADDAM: When I lie everybody thinks I'm telling the truth.
JACQUES: That's where you went wrong.
SADDAM: Wrong? To tell a lie and get away with it is wrong?
JACQUES: I tell lies and get caught and everybody loves me. That is the secret of politics.
SADDAM: I'll tell you a secret. Promise you'll never tell?
JACQUES: No.
SADDAM: No???
JACQUES: I'm lying.
SADDAM: Oh. So no means yes.
JACQUES: Now you sound French. What's the secret.
SADDAM: I know where the Weapons of Mass Destruction are.
JACQUES: I thought you told me you didn't have any.
SADDAM: I was lying.
JACQUES: So when I told the world you might have Weapons of Mass Destruction I was telling the truth?
SADDAM: Yes
JACQUES: I am ruined if this gets out.
SADDAM: No no. I am lying.
JACQUES: Oh. I understand.
SADDAM: The Americans are in full retreat. Do you know a good plastic surgeon?
JACQUES: I know a Jew who could do the job.
SADDAM: Perfect. Then I won't feel bad when I kill him after the operation.
JACQUES: So you believe me?
SADDAM: Of course not. I'll send you a couple of million.
JACQUES: I'll send you nobody. You are a pig.
SADDAM: And you are the son of a camel .
JACQUES: Glad we understand each other.
SADDAM: If Elvis Presley knocks on your door you'll know who it is.
JACQUES: Make it Martin Sheen. More modern.

Hang up

2003-04-27T15:10:00.000-07:00

COUNTRY MUSIC TAKES OVER IN IRAQ Perhaps as a result of the American troops or perhaps because the people can now listen to any radio station they choose, Country Music has taken over. Local bands and local singers sing in Arabic with a country twang.

The Baghdad Top Ten
1. If this is where civilization was born how come the beer ain't cold?
The Infidel Molesters

2. If Mohammad had seen you naked baby, he'd a written a different book
B.J. binAri and the Bedoin Drifters

3. I killed tortured and raped but now the good times are gone
The Palace Dirt Band

4. Hello Mullah. Hello Fatwa. Here I am in camp Chilaqua
Ali bin Sherman al Fama (solo)

5. If Allah didn't want me to drink he'd close the bars at noon
The Prayer Rugs

6. They cut my privates off in prison but I can still bend over for you
The Muslim Gay Men's Chorus

7. It' was hard to be in Saddam's prison when I knew you was cheatin' with the guards
Mullah Devine

8. Yore camel smells better than the stories you bin tellin'
The Burka Bitches

9. The feelin between my legs ain't my camel honey
Big Saddam and the Tigress Studs

10. Your cell phone's workin' Big Man why ain't you?
Mosque Sluts

2003-04-25T10:07:00.000-07:00

E X C L U S I V E

SNEAK PEEK AT HILLARY CLINTON'S NEW BOOK
My Struggle (working title, may have a problem in the German translation because "Mein Kampf" may get a bunch of Jews out of shape)

Chap I: How I overcame Senator Schumer and Mayor Giuliani and alone saved New York after 9/11 (A heroic and heart stirring start to a great book. How an innocent friendly remark about wops made the Mayor "crazy" and forced her to act. Created the great untold story of New York )

Chap II: How I saved 50,000 American Troops in Iraq

Chap III: How I helped millions of children starve to death in Zimbabwe (under revision)

Chap IV: How I saved thousands of homeless Taliban in Afghanistan (might be deleted)

Chap V: How I saved millions from SARS (could be rewritten to say hundreds of millions if she can do all the interviews)

Chap VI: How I saved hundreds of passengers on a plane being hijacked on 9/11 (currently Top Secret at the Pentagon because Rumsfeld hates powerful women)

Chap VII: How I personally helped every single family survivor of the 9/11 tragedy (Racist homophobic Republican survivors deny this and Chapter is at her lawyers)

Chap VIII: How I spend every waking hour caring for others less fortunate, gifted or brilliant than I (The Left Wing "Nation" magazine is so in love with this chapter they may reprint the whole chapter)

Chap IX: How I have stood up to dictators around the world at private dinners (She had concealed tape recorders at dinners with Chirac, Schroeder, Mugabe (she calls him "Muggie"), Chretien (of Canada) and others.)

Chap X: How I face death every day for taking a stand on women's rights in Republican states

Chap XI: How I alone exposed the corruption at the UN (the goods on phoney abortion clinics in Saudi Arabia, the shocking truth about the lack of organic food at refugee camps, and more)

Chap XII: How I alone restrained New York Jews from attacking Ariel Sharon at a bris for convicted serial killer

Chap XIII: How I got my husband elected to higher office two times (an affectionate look including the tragic death of Buddy the dog at the hands of a vindictive Monica Lewinsky who has yet to stand trial)

Chap XIV: How I helped the Yankees win the World Series (Castro can be a friend; the first revelation of the "pitcher for Florida Cuban big mouth" deal; how Cuban pitcher "El Duque" really came to the Yankees)

Chap XV: How I forced the Jets to draft Chad Pennington (a shocking revelation--is this her secret love?).

Chap XVI: Why I have refused to help the Knicks until they support late term abortions

Chap XVII: How I developed Humility

2003-04-25T06:28:00.000-07:00

IRAQI "CARD DECK" OFFERED BRIBES TO SURRENDER
It has been revealed that Baath Party leaders only surrender after making "a deal". News of the inducements have led reporters on a merry chase trying to find out what they are. WE have found the list of "reasons" being offered to the at large Iraqi elite and publish them below.

REASONS TO SURRENDER TO THE AMERICANS

War Crimes Trials to he held in Berkeley.

All allegations of torture, rape, murder, and genocide to be reduced to a misdemeanor

All atomic bombs found in your homes will be inspected by Hans Blix

Your own weekly TV News show on CNN

Become a Human Shield in Tahiti

Two tickets to a Dixie Chicks concert

Membership in the Screen Actors Guild

Opportunity to join the Kerry Campaign for regime change.

Letters of apology and sympathy from: Dustin Hoffman, Martin Sheen, George Clooney, Jessica Lange and more than one hundred former anti-war celebrities now living in Damascus. Available immediately upon surrender.
Link to exclusive peek at Hilary Clinton's New Book

2003-04-24T13:46:00.000-07:00

THE LEFT PUBLISHES THEIR RULES OF WARFARE
Major figures from Hollywood, Academia, and Media Publish Guidelines for War

1. Don't fight in any battles that might be on FOX News later.
2. Shooting Republican Guards is good.
Shooting Democratic Guards is bad
3. All cultures are equal; having your tongue cut out may mean something in Iraq that it doesn't' mean here. Don't be judgmental.
4. Never hurt anybody who can speak French
5. Be sure the zoo animals are fed before the starving people
6. If a Peace Marcher spits on you, be grateful you live in a country that tolerates traitors
7. Think of the environment. Never do number two on sand dunes
8. Saddam Hussein and George Bush are exactly the same way down deep. Saddam Hussein just seems nicer.
9. Torture chambers do not exist. Information retrieval salons may exist
10. Don't believe Donald Rumsfeld. If the Secret Police really existed nobody would know about them.
11. Movie Stars are your friends
12. Nobody likes a bad winner. Don't wave flags. Don't sing God Bless America. Be ashamed.
13. If you find a few hundred million dollars in a dog kennel God wants YOU to have it, not some towel head Muslim shithead

2003-04-22T15:34:00.000-07:00

W A R N I N G

not funny, not humorous, just a real warning

P-R-I-N-T P-A-L

INTERNET CONSUMER FRAUD

They are the first eight entries on the Google PRINT PAL page and they have a paid green ad on the right.

They are the fourth entry on the Google PRINTER CARTRIDGE page and one of the paid ads.
They are the fifth entry on the Yahoo PRINTER CARTRIDGE page

My experience: they take your money and don't ship. They respond to nothing you send when you complain. They took $42 of my money. Do not let them do the same to you.

Company name: PRINT PAL

TELL YOUR FRIENDS

They ain't no pal of mine.

2003-04-21T15:32:00.000-07:00

E-X-C-L-U-S-I-V-E----NEWS HEADLINES--CARD DECKS IN FRENCH EMBASSY---SECRET RUSSIAN DEFENSE PLANS---WMD
U.S. Marines breaking into the French Embassy in Baghdad have discovered packs of playing cards bearing the pictures of Bush Administration Officials...Developing....

Why did the Russians agree to plan the defense of Iraq with Saddam? To prove the sudden collapse theory they used in Eastern Europe still had legs.

What was the Iraqi soldiers battle cry? Don't shoot me I'm Israeli....

What weapons of mass destruction have been discovered so far? Corporation filings for Enron Iraq.

Just in: Recent barrels of pesticide found in cave wouldn't hurt a fly, say two prominent Hollywood Stars.

2003-04-20T21:38:00.000-07:00

LINK HERE TO THE JESSICA LYNCH MOVIE SCREENPLAY
The move is ready to roll and it is RED hot. May have rating problem. Warning: R Rated for language, sexual situations, violence, and nudity. Otherwise it's PG35.

2003-04-18T10:30:00.000-07:00

SUBSTITUTES FOR FRENCH PERFUMES
Boycott with confidence. Some American perfumes are just as good, if not better

FRENCH WEENIE VERSION: Original Estee-------Estée is composed of multiple floral accords containing Moroccan rose absolute, Russian coriander, and yugoslav moss combined with floral notes of tuberose, lily and jasmine. Carnation adds a spicy touch and sandalwood a woody facet. The whole creates a sumptuous bouquet.

AMERICAN SUBSTITUTE: Irving's Original:---------composed of various Central Park grasses, dandelions, New York daisies, and some chemicals that duplicate the various Euroweenie fake stuff. Trust us, this stuff will make you smell like a bitch in heat and will last long after you get laid. Use sparingly. There have been reports that a few elderly women wearing it have been gang banged in churches, and some mildly attractive women have had similar attentions at while strolling Fifth Avenue.

GUTLESS FROG VERSION: Chanel No 5:-----------A mythical perfume and the undisputed leader of creative fragrances, Chanel N°5 is the number one seller in the world. Mademoiselle Chanel (a Nazi collaborator and typical French uber bitch) had incorporated synthetic substances, aldehydes, in her formula – Blended with may roses and jasmine from Grasse, they form a mysterious and indefinable scent.

AMERICAN SUBSTITUTE: Texas Jack's Totally Awesome No.16:----------Based on the assumption that "No Texas babe wants to smell like a French whore", Texas Jack incorporated real substances like Texas Chili, Greasy Dick beer, blended with Texas cactus flowers, Mexican bougainvillea roots, and aldehydes. These substances form a totally unique and baffling scent that will give every man within ten feet a giant hard on. Prepare for total action with this scent. A steal at only $26 a pint. Compare with the French version at $35 per 1/4 ounce.

THE SURRENDER MONKEY VERSION: Arpege':------------The superb floral bouquet is composed of jasmine, rose, ylang ylang, tuberose, and lily-of-the-valley warmed by spices such as clove and coriander. The end note delivers a woody vanilla finish; Arpège was the first woman's perfume to contain so much sandalwood. The classic French scent.

AMERICAN SUBSTITUTE: Booty Juice No.2:----------Created by J.D. "The Bitch Stomper" Muhammad of the LA Crips. "Dis an abra-cadabra fo even a BAH bitch tuh have bandalu boys crawlin' to put dere soup coolers on any bitches roast beef curtains . Yo smell like a sherm stick so dey spooge in dere pants fum de nex' block." According to JD's marketing people the formula has a hint of angel dust, mixed with just a vague sense of cocaine and vintage hemp with a dominant odor of vaginal fluids that has men crawling to perform oral sex even toward the ugliest of "bitches". Competitvely priced at $40 per ½ ounce fob South Central Los Angeles.

BOYCOTT THAT FRENCH SHIT-------------BUY AMERICAN---------------FOR A WHILE ANYWAY

2003-04-16T14:51:00.000-07:00

Advertisement
A n n o u n c i n g

THE TIM ROBBINS WHINE-A-THON

ONE HOUR SPECIAL ON ALL NETWORKS (Except FOX)

Top Stars will Appear in Support of Tim Robbins, a man with real courage, not like those gutless Marines and Soldiers who killed Iraqi babies and poorly clad soldiers in this illegal war. Appearing will be more than fifty of your favorite Viet Nam War era draft dodging stars who explain how they know what real bravery is; how tough it is to march in the streets of America while sending others to die in their places. Stars will toast the brave peace marchers with French wine.

REAL BRAVERY IS GOING THROUGH DRUG REHAB
Here some of the harrowing stories from your favorite drug addicted stars.
"Weeks without latte'"
"Five agonizing days without a cell phone"
"My cell was decorated like a prison"

REAL HEROISM IS PAYING $100,000 A MONTH IN CHILD SUPPORT
Hear super stars tell how tough it is to pay off some uber bitch who screws everybody she meets.
Hear how some have to live in just one home because of some feminst judges
$750,000 per week sit com star tells of the greed of his ex.....

REAL COURAGE IS ACTING IN MOVIES
Hear your favorite stars relate how tough it is do obey no-talent directors and producers
Terrorists disguised as stars prowl studio lots
Agents pretending to be their friends

The Hollywood Left rises to support all our brave actors who stood alone in foreign countries that are hostile to the United States and shouted out their humiliation of being American, their hatred for President Bush, and renouncing their Texas heritage. Join with Tim Robbins in pledging to attend all movies starring or featuring: Jessica Lange, Barbra Striessand, Woody Harrelson, Martin Sheen, and hundreds of others who risked everything. Pledge to see their movies at least three times. And then rent them when they go to video.

THEY HAVE STOOD BY YOU.

NOW IT'S YOUR TURN TO STAND BY THEM--VOTE THE WAY THEY TELLYOU TO---
AGAIN AND AGAIN

Read the proposed Hollywood Left screenplay synopsis here

2003-04-15T13:53:00.000-07:00

BUSH AND CHIRAC SPEAK FOR FIRST TIME IN MONTHS

We have the transcript and we have the guts to print it

BUSH: What the fuck do you want, you frog piece of shit?

CHIRAC: Fuck you.

BUSH: No, no no. Fuck YOU.

CHIRAC: Not fuck ME, cowbody cocksucker. FUCK YOU

BUSH: Nono---Fuck you.

CHIRAC: No. Fuck you.

BUSH: FUCK you.

CHIRAC: Non, Non Monsour. FUCK YOU

Disconnect

2003-04-15T12:38:00.000-07:00

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What to say so they "put out" right away

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GET READY---- THIS WILL GO OFF THE MARKET AND STAY OFF.

2003-04-12T06:13:00.000-07:00

RACIAL PROFILING IN BAGHDAD A FACT
War Funding Threatened by Liberals in Congress

A bombshell accusation by Liberal Groups that only Iraqis are being stopped in Baghdad was met by a stonewall response at a White House Press briefing this morning. Nancy Pelosi (D San Francisco) also charged that no abortion clinics have been set up in the combat areas in a blatant disregard for the world's women. Several Congressional Liberals claimed to have video tape of white Marines stopping Iraqi males while allowing white people in uniforms to pack guns and other weapons in plain sight. As one Congressional Black Caucus member it, "Yo, dis ain't a dope situation. Dese Afro-Saxon warriors is nothin' but doughnut punchin' racist punks assed out on their own selfs." His words were echoed by many in the Civil Rights establishment who acted like they knew what the Congressman was saying.

Other Democrats expressed similar ideas. "We don't want to impede the war effort," said a leading Democrat on the condition of anonymity, "But this has now degenerated into genocide against a particular racial and ethnic group. We have reports that only Arabs have been targeted by bombs, that only Arabic peoples have been killed by the mostly white troops in our armed forces.

ACLU attorneys will be filing suits on Monday to stop the war until these charges can be sorted out. "Minorities must be protected or we become Saddam ourselves," stated Barbara Boxer (D California), "the very thought that there are no toilets for women troops, that our women soldiers have been deprived of necessary make up kits, birth control pills, low cal food and drink, and gym workouts are proof that we are waging a racist and sexist war that must stop."

Democratic presidential candidates were not available for comment and one of them told CNN on the condition of anonymity that he may run for Vice President on the Republican ticket.

2003-04-12T04:27:00.000-07:00

Adult Websites International
THE OFFICIAL JESSICA LYNCH WEBSITE

ALL JESSICA ALL THE TIME
Baby Jessica Dolls
Learn to Change her Diapers
Anatomically Perfect

Little Jessica Fashions
Designer Clothing

Teen Jessica---Faves
Her Favorite CDs
Her Favorite Movies
Her Favorite Hunks

X-Rated Uber Bitch Jessica
Nude Jessica--HOT
Jessica in Heat----on Tape or CD
Private Love Letters to Secret Boy Friend
Hot Lesbian Scenes on Tape or CD

NOTHING ABOUT HER LIFE IS PRIVATE. WE HAVE IT ALL. NOTHING LEFT OUT

Arrest Record
Parking Tickets??
Drug Related???
Prostitution???

It's ALL here. It's ALL true

Homework Assignments
The botched English
All the misspelled words
All the moronic subjects

Her PRIVATE AND PERSONALDiaries
Sex secrets revealed
Perverted desires
With Cats
With Hamsters
With Celebrities
Twisted Dating Habits
Nude Disney World fantasies
Sneaking into three movies on just one ticket
Going "all the way" with her neighbor's car
Wearing revealing T Shirts to lure boys into wild thoughts

TORTURE CHAMBER SECRETS
Was she raped?
Beaten by Lesbian Guards?
Forced to engage in unspeakable acts?

It's ALL here.. It's ALL true. It's ALL unspeakably horrible. A MUST BUY

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Go To: www.ohgodjessicaIloveyou.edu.org.com

2003-04-11T07:12:00.000-07:00

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2003-04-08T12:41:00.000-07:00

IRAQI WAR HERO AWARDS INTERRUPTED BY BOMB STRIKE
Awards Ceremony being held in Baghdad restaurant ends in Chaos

List of Award Winners Below

Outstanding Surrender Award: Kahlid Muhammad XXIII of Basra. Kahlid used a giant white bed sheet seized from the Basra Sheraton Hotel and waved it at the British while his entire brigade, armed to the teeth, hid behind it. It was not his fault that his brigade opened fire and shot Mr. Muhammad in the back one hundred and seven times before joining the British Army. Award accepted over international telephone by Susan Sarandon.

Most Creative Use of Poison Gas: Salladin al-Maljid for getting his brigade to inhale Sarin gas and then run at the Americans with the purpose of kissing them on the lips and blowing the lethal substance into their lungs. The process still needs work. Award accepted for the late Mr. al-Majid by Monsieur Francois LeGrand who thanked one and all for their business.

Best Written Threat: Muhammad Muhammed of Um Umm in Northern Iraq at Kirkuk.. "Either surrender your entire army or we will set off the atomic bomb we have hidden inside the school at the corner of Huessien and HiWay 23." Unfortunately his troops read the threat before it was sent and deserted. Mr. Muhammed surrendered to 45,000 angry Americans.

Best Army: Republican Guard, Division IV. Pretending to be beaten for seven days so the Americans were lured into downtown Baghdad. The plan worked perfectly. Division IV commander General David Summers, who many in the audience felt might be an American Special Ops spy, received the award.

No further details til rubble is cleared.

2003-04-07T12:39:00.000-07:00

WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION MAY HAVE BEEN DISCOVERED

They will identify the substances as soon as they can find somebody who can read the French writing on the barrels......

2003-04-05T18:11:00.000-08:00

E X C L U S I V E
HOLLYWOOD MOURNS DEATH OF CHEMICAL ALI
Maligned Iraqi General Unfairly Smeared by Bush Administration was a True Patriot

Los Angeles April 5 (DP) Any hope of Republican support from the Hollywood Elite has faded with the deliberate murder of General Ali Hassan al-Majid by American night flying terrorist dive bombers. Several female stars caught mourning at Moonshadow in Malibu over low cal daquiris stated that General al-Majid has been smeared by the fictitious President of the United States. "Chemical Ali" is a misunderstood man and not a person who used poison gas and chemicals. The Defense Department used these unproven accusations as a ruse to support his cold blooded murder.

A anti war high school drop out and major star who declined to be quoted directly stated that "They did it by bombing his home in the middle of the night. This was a KKK hit by a couple of red necks who hid their faces behind goggles and helmets. If the World Court has any credibility these animals will be prosecuted for a War Crime." The remarks were echoed from Beverly Hills to Brentwood, from Tarzana to Malibu as Hollywood mourned.

Regarded in most circles here as simply a patriot with a strong sense of duty and a patron of the arts who could always be counted on for bridge loans to complete a movie and provide palaces overlooking the Euphrates River to certain movie stars on vacation. His influence in the music business has long been known and he will be missed. Rumors circulating that Barbra Streisand would sing a eulogy as a fund raiser for the Democratic Party to be carried on PBS could not be verified at press time.

Several big names stated that the Republicans could kiss Hollywood support goodbye in 2004. Many feel that this is proof that George Bush is a murderer and the country will follow Hollywood in defeating him. San Francisco Democrats have promised their enthusiastic support.

2003-04-04T13:51:00.000-08:00

{Rated R for language and nudity

BIDDING ON THE JESSICA LYNCH STORY COMES FROM HOLLYWOOD
Keep in mind that the Hollywood Left probably hates her and that they will try to keep their box office grosses very high in Euroweenieville, here is a synopsis of the screenplay.

AMERICAN PATRIOT PRODUCTIONS (Newly Formed). Song for Movie Attached

Synopsis of Film: Little Jessica begins the film as a perfectly beautiful young girl filled with hopes and dreams. These dreams are shattered when she finds that the Court Appointed President of the United States, George W Bush (played by VING RHAMES in his best performance since the evil Marcellus Wallace in Pulp Fiction) and his Fascist Administration has cut off her family from all Welfare and school lunch assistance. The dialogue is a direct copy of the Marcellus Wallace dialoge in Pulp Fiction to show what a low life President Bush is.

PRESIDENT BUSH: (RHAMES speaking on phone with little Jessica, the SHOT is from behind like in Pulp Fiction) "...... that's a hard motherfuckin' fact of life, but it's a fact of life your little ass is gonna hafta git realistic about. This world is filled to the brim with unrealistic motherfuckers who thought their ass aged like wine and deserved help from the government. You get shit. Get used to it. Join the motherfuckin army."

This is followed by a beautiful and tearful scene between little Jessica and her poor but principled anti-war mother (played by JESSICA LANGE). Little Jessica is forced to confront a future as either prostitution on the mean streets of New York (played by CHATSWORTH CALIFORNIA) or as an indentured quasi-slave in the U.S. military. Her over sensual mother is having an affair with a malevolent Army recruiter (ETHAN HAWKE) to whom she reveals her daughter's predicament. The Evil Hawke slips a drug into little Jessica's Diet Snapple, takes her to his office and tricks her into enlisting, promising her wealth beyond her wildest dreams.. Once in basic training, the eighteen year old Jessica, a life long Liberal Democrat not willing to kill so much as a fly, tells her superiors that she has always wanted to be a car mechanic so as not to be involved in the murder of innocents. Two vicious super patriot bull dyke lesbian drill sergeants (ELLEN DEGENERES and ANNA NICOLE SMITH) tell her she might be allowed to be a mechanic if "she cooperates". In a major dramatic scene Jessica shows the first signs of her bravery when she refuses to go along, and squeezes Smith's head between her legs when Smith tries to "go down" on her as DeGeneres attempts to beat her with an empty machine gun ammo belt. Her totally Right Wing and viciously anti-Muslim lecherous company commander (HARVEY KEITEL) catches them together and, pretending a fatherly interest in her, assigns her to the motor pool and mechanic training. After the assignment Keitel and Nicole Smith have a positively evil love scene (toned down to plain oral and anal sex in U.S. to earn a PG rating). Keitel agrees to allow the later assignment of poor Jessica to the first "fucking battle" that shows up in exchange for "servicing" of his evil desires. But Keitel isn't through with Jessica. In a brilliant "film noir" sequence in the secret cellar of the base Officers Club, it's walls decorated with fascist war heroes like Lincoln, and George Washington, Keitel attempts to hook poor little Jessica on heroin. In another marvelous display of her future bravery Jessica gets hysterical when she sees the needle and makes so much noise Keitel has to stop. Keitel returns her upstairs to join the big party attended by leering pro war neo-cons from various Right Wing magazines and talk radio shows.

The second the war breaks out Anna Nicole has Keitel send "that stinking slut" into the War Zone. Once in the war zone the peace loving Jessica is shown happy as a clam fixing tanks and making friends with the male chauvinist crew (played by ROB LOWE, VIN DIESEL, and a delightfully funny ADAM SANDLER). Peaceful little Jessica and the warlike Diesel seem to be attracted to each other and in a lovely little scene their attraction is interrupted when Sandler, test driving a tank they have just repaired, loses control and sends the couple fleeing. The resulting crash of the Sandler driven tank into the headquarters of the Republican War Hawk and Rumsfeld lackey, General Tommy Franks (CHRISTOPHER WALKEN playing the murderous psycho general in a brilliant turn) is a turning point in the film as Franks immediately assigns the crew to the front lines in the middle of "Eyefucking-Rack". Several uproariously funny sequences in which Lowe and Sandler run over and crush a couple of sleeping Bedouins and drunkenly assault a Muslim mullah ("Surrender, Towel Headed Fuck, or you will be praying with the fishes."), intercut with scenes of Jessica and Diesel talking of peace and their anti-War sentiments on the dunes (Diesel: "Your gorgeous little melons make me dream of peace." Jessica: "I'm still a virgin but if I wasn't I'd fuck your brains out.") These scenes innocuously lead into the foursome taking a "wrong turn" and running into an entire company of Republican Guard regulars. The battle in which Jessica alone survives while defending herself til she is out of ammunition is positively Spielbergian in its graphic violence; Diesel's guts exploding in slow motion from ten different angles is an anti-war statement for the ages. The travails of poor Jessica who is captured, stripped naked, and beaten unmercifully by her captors; played again by HARVEY KIETEL and VING RHAMES in a brillaint piece of political film statement that makes us realize that her real captors are not Iraqi sadists or the government of Iraq, but in reality she is the slave of the illegal Administration and the vicious American Military war machine. Her rescue is accomplished when an ACLU Iraqi lawyer (MARTIN SHEEN) living near her place of capture tips off some approaching American thugs. Sheen is forced to march back and forth through combat to get the plans of the prison and only because of threats from some brave liberal CNN newsmen do the Marines agree to rescue her. She is rescued while tied to a rack, writhing naked and smeared with Iraqi crude oil so her heaving breasts glisten under the flashlight probes.

Film is already being hailed in both France and Germany as the salvation of Hollywood Cinema because of its truthfulness, and the fact that is was financed in part with French money.

Song for Movie written by Bad Ass Joe Malvo of the rap group "Bush is a Prick"

JESSICA BABY, YOU A REAL STONE BITCH copyright killcops music

(Continuing background chant under main lyrics) Oh no/Don't torture me---Oh no/ Don't torture me.

She's just a baby/ pure as can be
Sent in to Eye-rack/ to make history
She didn't know she was brave....
Jessica Baby, you a Real Stone Bitch

She didn't want to/ kill no Eye-Rackies
She just wanted /to look cool in khakis
She didn't know she was brave
Jessica baby, you a real stone bitch

Sent to the front/ to be a mean motherfucker
By that shithead in DC/a lowlife dick sucker
Bush turned that baby intoooooo
Jessica Baby, you a real stone bitch.

Beaten whipped and tortured/she cried the night long
Knowing Peace was better/ and that this war was wrong
Knowing Bush was evil/ and should be left in a ditch
Jessica Baby, you a real stone bitch.

(Background comes loud into foreground and very slow) Oh Noooooo, Don't Torture Me.....
Orders for more than 1.2 million copies are already in.

2003-04-01T19:13:00.000-08:00

LIBERAL MEDIA COVERS THE FALL OF BAGHDAD

New York
U.S. forces finally brought Baghdad under control after a war that lasted days longer than expected. This failure to advance as quickly as planned has resulted in a huge blow to America and Democracy world wide. The Administration will have a lot to answer for.....

Los Angeles
In a stunning defeat for the U.S. policy of quick warfare, Baghdad fell today after a prolonged war of several weeks that threatens to destroy the U.S. economy. Hollywood military expert Jeanane Garofolo states that the plans were ill thought out, poorly executed, and predicted the ousting of the incompetent Bush Administration. Ed Asner, a major Hollywood military strategy expert, declared the war a pathetic failure.....

San Francisco
U.S. troops took over the last Iraqi bastion today and immediately began to harass Baath Party members. Information Retrieval Workers have been marked as "torture chamber operators" without a grain of proof. So called witnesses claim to have no tongues so accusations are written out. American troops are viewed as gangsters in most parts of the U.S. and the Arab World.....

CBS, NBC, ABC POOL FEED
U.S. finally wins war against a poor and weak country that fought bravely and well against a brute force unmatched in history. The U.S. can take no pride in destroying a weak little country for no reason other than oil........

FRANCE
We agree with everything the American press says and can only regret that ignorant people may think that America actually won......

2003-04-01T18:04:00.000-08:00

THE ULTIMATE FEAR TRIGGER
A Chinese guy sitting next to you on a plane who suddenly starts coughing uncontrollably.

SARS?

2003-03-31T16:35:00.000-08:00

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2003-03-30T19:55:00.000-08:00

U.S. FORCES ON HIGH ALERT

VIRGINS PROMISED IRAQI SOLDIERS WHO DIE IN BATTLE

Last ditch recruiting campaign covers entire Arab World

(Baghdad, March 30) Word from mosques around the world reveals that the US invasion of Iraq will cause the heroic deaths of many Iraqi soldiers, Fedayeen volunteers, and Republican Guards. These deaths will exhaust the supply of virgins in Paradise within three days. Mullahs and Imams have called upon virgins the world over to "do the right thing" and immediately kill themselves, preferably by weaponless means. Gas, poison, and over doses of medication are preferred. Girls are urged not to disfigure themselves by jumping out of windows, setting themselves on fire, or jumping in front of trains because war heroes don't want to have sex with ugly and disfigured virgins.

Sheik Omar el Abbib told a throng that was carried world wide on Al Jazeera television, "Ugly and disfigured women look like pigs. Heroes are forbidden to fornicate with pigs." He urged young girls to stay beautiful in death. Word from Allah received by Imams and Mullahs mentioned that the possibility exists that the virgin supply may still run out, so a standby rationing plan may go into effect limiting war heroes to 60, or in a worst case scenario 50, virgins in Paradise with an IOU for the balance issued by Allah himself. Iraqi soldiers, Fedayeen, Hamas, Egyptian Jihad, and other terrorists were guaranteed a ready supply even if some virgins might be a thousand years old. "They still look beautiful," said Aba ib Rashid from his tent outside of Lucerne in the Alps of Switzerland where he is attending a fashion show put on by super models who swear they aren't Jewish.

Fatwas have been issued guaranteeing that newly minted virgins will receive undreamed of rewards once they are in Paradise and have been pleasured by a hero. "Voting rights, the removal of scars caused by beatings, and even courses in reading and writing will be available to all," said a highly placed Mullah. A few may even be allowed to work in male dominated professions like ditch digging and date harvesting. Virgins are reported to be purchasing huge supplies of pain killers, prescription medications, and even some Zyklon gas left over from concentration camps. The gas is furnished free by German manufacturers in exchange for oil rights in whatever country remains after the Americans surrender. France is insisting that they be allowed to bid for "suicide assistance products" too. Developing........

2003-03-30T17:24:00.000-08:00

NEW HUMAN SHIELD TRAINING COURSE:
Open to males and females interested in world peace. There will be absolutely no risk to the shields once deployed. You will be deployed to Kuwait, the next target country of this fascist administration. We have signed contracts with the Hilton in Kuwait City, the old Sheraton Euphrates near the Catholic Church, and with the George Bush Yacht Club on the Persian Gulf. You will be able to use the pool facilities, the saunas, and all other recreational facilities other than the golf courses and tennis clubs. No fucking Jews will be permitted, nor will anyone who gets uncomfortable if a few dumb bitches get whacked with canes. Your job will be to stand up and be counted when that pig cowboy George W. Bush and the American fascists try to get rooms without reservations.

Contact World Peace Inc.

2003-03-30T16:49:00.000-08:00

ANOTHER COLUMN FROM SYLVIA, GOSSIP QUEEN OF THE WAR ZONE

Howls in the Persian Night

Hanky Panky in the War ZoneVol I Number 2

Red Hot Item 1 Relaxing at the posh Solanni's in Kuwait City after a week of grueling combat was Heiress to the fabulous Marghentti fortune, the always stunningly dressed Lt. Commander Dorice von Schniederman. Her Lovliness was having a not so secret rendezvous with her current heart throb Brad Pitt. Dorice was dressed to kill in her Celia Krithorioti designed U.S. Navy uniform daringly open all the way down the front so everyone could glimpse almost everything. The stripes on the arms were 24 karat gold laced with nearly 50 diamonds and her cap, complete with platinum eagle, impressed the local towel heads no end. Her skin tight pants still have heads spinning.

White Hot Item "No gays in the military" hasn't stopped a certain high ranking Ranger officer from holding hands with his new "aide" on the beach at Umm Qassr. They were spotted shooting seagulls and hugging, oblivious to the missile attack going on around them. Ain't love grand?

Red Hot Item Two A wave of gonorrhea has broken out in the second brigade up at As Samawah. Sgt. Maurine Albert allegedly caught the disease from a Bedouin while taking a quick bathroom break in the dunes and passed it around to her many close friends. NOW is flying in lawyers to defend her. This could get icky before it's over.

This Item is Re-Entry Hot Marine Corporal Murray Silverman used the big sandstorm to write a screenplay while hiding under a personnel carrier. He "pitched" the story to studio honchos on his cell phone and they bought it. Word is the movie, tentatively titled "Sandstorm", will be directed by Steven Spielberg and star Tom Hanks. Corporal Silverman is the stepson of studio chief Norman Bergman.

Red Hot Item 4 A nasty feud. has broken out between two Brit elite commando units. Will say no more but rumor has it that both units want Elton John as their mascot for a week. The trouble erupted when it is alleged that Sir Elton accepted both invitations. So far two have been wounded and a third had his anal canal damaged by a artillery shell. The circumstances are being investigated.

Scorcher of the DayFinally, the international furor over which famous Paris designer is responsible for the awful looking Iraqi chemical protective gear is threatening relations between France and Iraq. It is said that they look so retro that the Fedayeen terrorists refused to wear them. "We looked like a bunch of fucking Shia chickenshits" one of them said. That is why they were discarded all over the country. Saddam Hussein is reportedly so angry he may take his poison gas business back to Germany.

2003-03-30T16:46:00.000-08:00

LAST POSTINGS FROM BRAVE UNDERGROUND FRISCO REPUBLICAN BLOGGER
High Risk blogger is probably under arrest

3.12.2003.01:30
There are only four Republican pro Iraq Liberation people left here. We are greatly outnumbered but we fight on. Last night we were able to place American flags on one protestor BMW and then watched while a crowd of Frisco Anti War patriots trashed the car as is the usual practice when American flags are found on cars here. They are now aware of us again but we are under cover. The car owner sobbed uncontrollably about people urinating on his great paint job and deficating on his collection of priceless McGovern posters. CNN and a BBC guy showed up to film the "atrocity". He is blaming George Bush.

3.19.2003.17:33
I'm beginning to think my girl friend suspects my Republican leanings and could report me. I do have this weakness for totally unmoral liberal women, a weakness I am trying to control. Tonight we are going to clean up the feces left at the Veterans Memorial by the protestors and illegally place them in garbage containers. If we get arrested we know our fate. We will persevere.

3.20.2003.03:18
We got away with it and the papers are outraged. Today we plan to go out in public and read the National Review in full view of Democratic HQ. If a riot starts you will know the cause.

3.21.2003.22:11
Jack was arrested for reading National Review at Democratic HQ. The charge is "Public Indecency". We don't know if we will ever see him again. Tomorrow we plan to go into a radio station pretending to be pro-Saddam liberals and once on the air start singing "God Bless America". Singing that song without a permit may become a capital offense here. The "Horst Wessel" song (the old Nazi war hymn that has been banned world wide) has been legalized here because of pressure from the Berkeley academic community. Have to admit that it's kind of catchy.

3.22.2003.20:17
A big surprise. We started to sing at the station and the women there started to sob hysterically. Three of them called the SFPD and screamed rape. We left the station but are now wanted men. My girl friend packed up and left claiming she had no friends left with whom she could drink Latte. She is also pissed off that I am not gay or at least not as gay as she thought. That's because I told her brother he couldn't blow me without an AIDS test.

3.24.2003.08:07
This may be my last post for a while. We are going to plant copies of The Weekly Standard in the children's section of three Public Libraries. This morning several kids were spotted wearing little American Flags on their shirts outside of a school. We are being blamed for contributing to the delinquency of minors. Our pictures appear on all TV stations. They are trying to get us featured on "America's Most Wanted". We could be doomed.

No further posts have been received

2003-03-30T16:42:00.000-08:00

PERSIAN GULF GOSSIP WRITER "SLYVIA" Vol I Number 1

Howls in the Persian Night

Hanky Panky in War Zones

Blister Hot What hunk Stealth Bomber pilot proposed to his long time girl friend by calling her on the radio just as he released his guided missiles over Kerkuk? Our sources say his girl friend is married to his commanding officer. The real war starts when he gets back stateside. Whoooooo.

Cool Item of the day Has that cute Brit Major in Basra who appeared on FOX and CNN got a girl friend? My sources say no

Bad BoySeen at the 101st Airborne Mess tent in very tight fatigues: Staff Sargent Steve Stunning looking for female reporters. Good luck Steve. Hear THAT much bigger might not be better for everyone.

Hot Hot Hot Overheard at the missile launching center aboard the USS Constitution: 3rd Class Petty Officer Annette Cardinalli flaunting her goods at Lt.. Homer Gonzales. He was daring her to write some pretty racy stuff on a missile. She told him to lean over her and write the stuff himself. My sources say she turned to face him while he wrote. Could that missile have been the one that ended up in Iran???? Naughty, naughty.

Courts Martial?? Rumor has it that a certain Special Forces Lance Corporal has been using his lance. Are "preggy tests" upcoming on Capt. Beverly LaFountaine????? We'll keep our ears open.

Don't Get Wounded We hear that four of the Marines wounded in the fragging incident are "totally pissed" that their hospital is staffed with male nurses. That's what "no gays in the military" does for you.

In Fins and Goggles We've heard that a yet to be identified Navy Seal with unusual endowments was seen prancing around Al Naseriyah in a too tight wet, and we mean very wet, suit. A couple of Burka babes followed him into a house there. Boys will be boys.

Filthy Dirty Funsie Last but decidedly not least: Reports that embedded reporter Niel "The Real Deal" Erikson was alone in a tank for four hours with a female tank commander who really showed him how to embed. The tank windows were so frosted they were delayed twenty minutes while the tank crew cleaned up. Come on kids, we're supposed to be liberating Iraq not libertining Iraq.

More Tomorrow. Kiss kiss

2003-03-30T16:15:00.000-08:00

BLIX GETS NEW ASSIGNMENT Hans Blix, the renownd weapons hunter, has been nominated by the Bush Administration to find Global Warming. When queried regarding Blix's failure to find a 100 acre chemical plant in Iraq, Bush responded that if there is Global Warming, "then it's, you know, Global, like in really big. I mean bigger than 100 acres. Hans can't possibly miss that."

Meanwhile reports that Blix had been arrested in New York's Central Park hunting for the Statue of Liberty were unconfirmed.

2003-03-30T16:12:00.000-08:00

{Satire}E X C L U S I V E
SURRENDER EMAILS LEAKED---a glitch in email security has caused several surrender negotiating emails to fall into the hands of two reporters. This is the text, partially censored to protect the identity of the Iraqi and American Officials.

To:(censored) @msn.com
Look, we have you by the balls. We can pay each of you $25 million if you just throw in with us. How about it?

To:(censored)@whitehouse.gov
We don't talk to infidel pigs. We have integrity. But my wife is a total slut for money and she just might take the deal. Because I love her I might follow her into the deserts of Switzerland.

To: (censored)@msn.com
You have to agree to turn over the mineral rights under Baghdad to the Vice President's nephew, surrender your troops on the O'Reilley Factor for an exclusive, and give me half of the movie rights to your story.

To: (censored)@whitehouse.gov
Do you know how to say "fuck you" in Arabic? What are you? A Goddam Jew? We are already negotiaing with Barry Diller and Mel Karmazin. You will have to talk to our agents. We will fight almost to the death. And your daughters are pigs.

To: (censored)@whitehouse.gov
My brother is a total asshole. He has no authority. I will surrender for just $20 million. All I want is safe passage to Rio for me and my brother's wife who I respect more than anyone in my life. She is beautiful and she needs money.

To:(censored)@whitehouse.gov
My brother has been killed in a bathroom accident. He sleeps with the camels. I am the only one you can deal with. That fucking faggot Diller is jerking us around like we just got off the camel caravan. What I want is $25 million, a guarantee that George Clooney will play me in the movie, screen writing credit, and total amnesty. I won't admit to any torture, rapes, dismemberments, or other so-called war crimes. Otherwise we fight to the end.

To:(censored)@msn.com
That fucking draft dodging liberal piece of shit Clooney gets bubkis. I don't care a rats ass if this war lasts fifty years. None of those Communist Hollywood scum bags gets so much as a sniff of the deal. Get ready to die. Maybe I could get Bruce Willis to play you.

To:(censored)@msn.com
We haven't received payment in two months and your internet service is hereby discontinued.
Regards: BGates@msn.com

We have no more emails.

2003-03-30T16:09:00.000-08:00

CFAP (Chickenshit Film Artists for Peace) will hold their televised awards ceremony Sunday night. Many of these faint-hearted terrorist sympathizers and French Army draft dodgers will arrive in armored limos driven by drivers who have passed a hated FBI screening. The gutless wonders will be protected by the National Guard they debase with every pro-Saddam regurgitation, and guarded by the LAPD who should be out fighting crime but instead have to protect these preening whining icons of the Blue States from terrorists. The winners promise to heap abuse upon the Bush Administration and this country's war against Iraq.

Return the favor. Don't watch. Don't buy the sponsor's products. Don't go to their movies. Instead injoy a Real Man's Hamburger and enjoy the evening.

MY RUNDOWN ACADEMY AWARD MOVIE NOMINEE RUNDOWNS

Movie tickets for two, $20; popcorn cokes etc., $15, parking $3, baby sitter $20. Is this picture worth $58? If you are single with a date it will be $38.

So the Big Questions are: Do I sneak in? Do I wait for it to go to video? Do I steal the video when it comes out. Do I just stay home and get loaded?

THE PIANIST: Looking for a movie with a surprise ending? Something different? This ain't it. Another WWII movie where the Germans lose. You wanna fork over the big bucks see the Germans lose? It's your call. There are no movies on the docket about Green Nazis, Jews beating up Frenchmen, or Americans being decent.

Worth a $3 rental at Blockbuster.

GANGS OF NEW YORK: World Federation Wrestling meets Martin Scorcese. Nothing but fake blood, fake torture, fake rapes, and fake sets. And all set a in Politically Correct story. The bad guys don't want immigration and the Hollywood Left loves total violence against people who don't want immigration. Figure this, at $58 you're getting a bargain at around five cents per grotesque violent occurrence. If you have a babe who's into this let us all know.

Sneak in for Daniel Day Lewis

CHICAGO: The Bob Fosse musical directed by a guy who didn't want it to look like a Bob Fosse musical. It doesn't. Digitally corrected singing by digitally enhanced actresses who look gorgeous. Only truth in the whole hour and a half is Richard Gere who can't dance or sing, thank God. All the Hollywood Lefties love this movie because it's about nothing. And they sing and dance about it. While Dictators torture thousands and throw tens of thousands more into prisons. Hooray for Hollywood. If you pay to get into this thing reflect on the three to five people who will have their tongues ripped out in Iran, Iraq, or Syria while you sit there.

Sneak in.

LORD OF THE RINGS: What's it about? Who's in it? Who directed it? Who knows? Directed by a computer animation company, cast by computer nerds, and aimed at an audience who grew up on this stuff.

Stay home and get loaded

THE HOURS: Could be called "The Months". Another movie that in bygone years would have been a play. This intensely "arty" story has been made into a movie where actors talk.
And talk.
And talk.
And talk.
If actors talk it means they will get nominated for talking great. So this a movie that doesn't move. It talks. The artsy fartsy crowd say this is great acting. So far nobody is paying for this thing except the stock holders. Don't get caught sneaking in to this one.

Steal the video.

2003-03-30T16:05:00.000-08:00

OK, FRANCE

Bumper sticker in Washington D.C.: 'First Iraq, then France.' The French announced today that they would not help us remove Saddam from Iraq. Well, Duh! They didn't even help us remove Hitler from France. Jay Leno France said this week they need more evidence to convince them Saddam is a threat. Yeah, last time France asked for more evidence it came rolling thru Paris with a German Flag on it. -Dave Letterman Why are all the highways in France lined with trees? So the Germans can march in the shade!!! France has neither winter, nor summer, nor morals. France is miserable because it is filled with Frenchmen, and Frenchmen are miserable because they live in France.-Mark Twain _____ Only thing worse than a Frenchman is a Frenchman who lives in Canada. -Ted Nugent War without France would be like ... uh ... World War II What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up? The Army Q. how many Frenchman does it take to defend Paris. A. Nobody knows, it's never been tried.

2003-03-30T16:03:00.000-08:00

ANNOUNCING----THE BIG "BLAME THE JEWS WEEKEND"

Guest lecturers will include men of the cloth (you know who they are), university presidents and professors, (some surprise guests here), and representatives from civil rights organizations like JOE (Jews Own Everything), BAD (Blacks Against the Devil), and HIRK (Hispanic Intellectuals Ready to Kill). Learn what the problem really is: JEWS. TOPICS 1. "Jews Lend Money and Want to be Repaid"; this vicious practice exposed for the first time by Jose deLa Cruz, Ph.D., hear how he was lured into borrowing millions by international Jewry, who then demanded he make payments. He is now destitute and will accept cash donations. 2, Jews Eat Shit; taught by the Reverend Kwaljaki Zebranolk Moore from the Christ is Risen Church of the Downtrodden in Beverly Hills California. Kosher isn't what you think. To Jewish women cooking is sex. 3. "The Truth about the So-Called Holocaust" taught by Hans and Abdul von Khalid. How a miracle weight loss program has been used to smear Germany and France. 4. "The Truth About Democracy and Israel" taught by Robert Mugabe, the grand old man of African Politics; if he gets killed or jailed the course will be taught through international TV hookup by the legendary Idi Amin. Learn how this now discredited form of government has caused trouble wherever it has appeared. The U.S. and Britain led Israel to adopt this alien form of government in the middle of the desert. Millions of Arabs have died because some of them wanted this democracy. Wanted to kick out their leaders and replace them with scum from the streets. You can't count the number of people who have died trying to promote this sinister system within countries like China, Cambodia, Syria, and Iran, and many more millions will die. Israel is guilty of genocide by promoting this vicious, unholy, and criminal philosophy. Iraq, Syria, Iran, and a hundred other countries have rejected this evil Satan as espoused by Israel. Voting is a sin against God. Israel is a sin against God. 5. "Jews become Judges, Lawyers, Accountants, and Doctors so they can Control Everything"; learn how these people actually go to school instead of playing basketball, many starting as young as five or six years old, where they study and pass tests so they can take over. Taught by Homeless Advocate Tim Duncan who, with only a seventh grade education, performed brain surgery on his mother, and then defended himself against charges of practicing medicine without a license AND murder in a court of law and WON. Degrees are unnecessary and a creation of the Jews designed to keep everyone else out. Additionally there will be singing and dancing, group sex, unbridled drug use, a rare appearance by Allah, and hot dogs. Learn and Have Fun.

El Laffo Grande

LYRICS: GOVERNMENT CHEESE

NOT EVEN STALIN HAD THIS MUCH MEDIA CONTROL

Scare the Shit out of Yourself

Lead Story

Obama’s Ayers problem deepens

Obama’s Temple of Doom

B. The Children

THIS FROM MLK SAYS WHAT HE WAS

Martin Luther King'sLetter from Birmingham Jail

SECOND TRIBAL ARTICLE

cartoons

WHEN TURKEYS TAKE OVER

WHEN TURKEYS TAKE OVER

PART OF STONE'S FIRST TREATMENT TO HIS 9/11 MOVIE

The Jacksonian Essay

KERRY FOR PRESIDENT RADIO/TV SPOTS

KOBE BRYANT TV ADS REWORKED FOR NEW IMAGE.

RECIPE-- REAL MAN'S HANBURGER

SIGN UP NOW FOR THE "OK TO CALL ME" LIST

CAPTURED PRAIRIE DOG REVEALS AL QAEDA CONNECTION

Tigress Hills

The Iraq Gazette

NEW YORK TIMES ANNOUNCES REPLACEMENT FOR JAYSON BLAIR

NEW EMAILS SURFACE IN NEW YORK TIMES SCANDAL

LACI PETERSON RULED SUICIDE >

DEAR ABBY

JAYSON BLAIR CLAIMS THAT HOWELL RAINES ACTUALLY WROTE HIS STORIES

Weekend Headlines

W A R N I N G

THE TIM ROBBINS WHINE-A-THON

AT AUCTION

PENILE REDUCTION MIRACLE

THE ASSAD TRAVEL "MYSTICAL MARTYR TOUR"

U.S. FORCES ON HIGH ALERT

Howls in the Persian Night

Howls in the Persian Night

Martin Luther King's
Letter from Birmingham Jail